Yep, I’m blind

This post might sound like I’m complaining, but I’m really not.

For the most part, the fact that I’m blind just kinda lives in the background layer of my life. It’s not something I constantly think about, it doesn’t define me, but it’s a huge part of my life, obviously. Listening to my screen reader every day or interacting with jayden are constant reminders, but they aren’t bad reminders.

Not long ago, when the budget made me wait before I could download a book, I actually thought, ‘I’ll just borrow one from B.’ Um, wait no, that won’t work. It’s thoughts like that that make me forget I’m blind. No really. I forget. The way I live now is such the norm that I forget I’m missing a vital sense.

Then there are days like today, where lots of little things add up for a bbig whopping reminder. If I’m not careful, these things can leave me feeling helplesss.

It started off with not being able to find Timmy this morning, to lock him up before taking Jayden out. Tears threatened to spill at the feeling powerless of it all. B got up and found the stupid cat. Great.

Then just picking up Jayden’s waste was a reminder. He picked a spot right by the stupid bush and I practically sat on the bush. Then I couldn’t find the poop. I hate landscape rocks. Try feeling around landscape rocks with your hand swathed in plastic, waiting to feel squishy. Ewww.

Then when I set my coffee down on my laptop cart, my cell phone went flying. Then I couldn’t negotiate the lining up of USB chord and port. Frustrating making.

What topped it all off was my heater wasn’t blowing very hot so I called maintenence. I had thought we were changing the filter regularly, but apparently we had forgotten. Also, the vent in front of the filter was caked with grime, which the maintenence guy vacuumed off. If I could see, I would have replaced the filter, I would have noticed the muck and cleaned it. Just another glaring reminder. Then he showed me where the doors to the hall closet, which are ventilated doors to allow air flow, are getting dirty too. I ran my hand along the slats and cringed.

Like I said, most of the time this stuff just doesn’t bother me. In fact, my life has gotten pretty awesome since going blind. After all, I wouldn’t have Jayden and I wouldn’t know you all.

Unfortunately when the reminders hit, other things that might be a nagging bother get blown up. The latest one? How on earth will I make sure the formatting for my novel is correct when it comes time to submit my first fifty pages to an agent? How am I going to make sure it’s a Microsoft document when I use an Apple? Will I need sighted help just to make sure the novel isn’t a formatting disaster?

Granted, I’m a ways away from submission. I’ve got about 60,000 words, but no ending yet, having taking a break from it for a few days.

Anyway, just some observations. Ever have one of those days where *everything* reminds you you’re blind?

Oh, and a discussion on Facebook has me thinking too. I haven’t decorated for Christmas since going blind. There are a few reasons, like B’s cats not being trained to stay away from things and fear that if a cat were to knock off an ornament, Jayden might eat it. Really though, what’s the point?

I’m sure lots of blinks decorate for Christmas. But I just don’t see the point in expending my already short supply of energy on digging out the suitcase full of decorations from my mess of a store room, putting everything up, worrying about the cats, and not even being able to see it. Why bother?

I might be bah humbug about it but, oh well. B wouldn’t care anyway and he’s the only one who could see it. I do miss my decorations, and maybe I get a little bummed at the thought of them. Maybe I’ll think about digging them out…but therein lays a whole ‘nother blink problem: finding it in the mess of the storage room without killing myself. Yeah, no point.

Ok, that’s it, really. 😉

7 Comments

Filed under Adjustment to blindness, apple Inc, blind opinion, cats, holiday, I might be a writer, Jayden, Microsoft, NaBloPoMo 2010, random stuff, spoons, Timmy

7 Responses to Yep, I’m blind

  1. God I hate days where everything goes wrong. Never really thought of them as days where everything reminds me of being blind, cause that’s the only way I’ve been, but I could so totally see it.

    I’m bad and don’t decorate either. We do have an eeny teeny tree, but really don’t have much in the way of decorations. and we’re never *here* on the actual day.

    I bet if you put your book in rtf it would work in both MS and Apple. But I don’t even know how well-formatted a manuscript has to be in the first place. But I don’t know nuttin’. Maybe I could ask Sweet Salty Kate. She’s not a blink but she wrote a book. Damn it I wish I knew Jean Little better. She wrote books. Kids’ books, but books. And she lives right here in town.

    Hope tomorrow goes better.

  2. Ro

    The one agent specifically says a dot doc file. Sooo, I dunno. But I know Westerfeld uses a Mac. If only I could buddy buddy with him lol!!

  3. Can’t you get a word platform for mac? I think my sister has that on her mac, she can read and write .doc files. I have no idea how much it cost or what was involved, just know she got it for college so her documents were compatible with PCs.

    Sure I have days when I am reminded that I live with a couple of chronic illnesses and an SPD. Today was one. Not much got accomplished, I misjudged something and smashed yet another drinking glass (if I break anymore I will have to buy a new set…) and walked into a door frame yet again. About 11:30am I gave up for the day and spent the rest of the day spacing out on the couch.

  4. I can sure relate to this one. It seems you go along for days and then smack, as you describe one of those where one thing after another. I do enjoy decorating but like it simple and just pulling out things that are special.

  5. But the thing is rtf would open up in his word anyway. Worst comes to worst, make it an rtf, send it to me, I’ll make it a doc without looking at it and send it back to you. Mwa ha ha. Or maybe there’s a converter program you could use. I’m sure other mac users have needed their documents to be .doc files. Aww but I know. If there is, it may not be accessible. I totally have run into that layers of complexity problem. So worst comes to worst, I can be your converter…just as long as it’s an rtf file first.

  6. Ro

    There’s Microsoft for Mac but I’m not sure it’s accessible. When it gets closer to the time, I’ll check out the Mac Visionaries. Not sure I can create an rtf file. I know I can read dot doc files just fine, so I might even be able to convert my text into dot doc, not sure. I have to investigate further. Carin it owould only be the first fifty pages, so I wouldn’t care if you read it lol. In fact, authors recommend having about ten trusted people read through your book anyway. If I decide to do that, I’d probably give access to the private blog where the book is. I wonder if you can have a blog show posts in reverser chronological order? Hmmm.

    Today isn’t shaping up to be much better than yesterday. I’m actually feeling a bit of a depression try to seep in, so I need to get back to business and do what I know works. It’s funny how things work and you feel great and then you forget to do those things. Oops. 🙂

  7. Oh yes you can do this, since I force it on my end all the time as I have a friend who has a Mac and sends me files. When I do a save as on the mac files, I simply force it into a .doc format by changing the ending of the mac file to .doc. It’s a little hoopy since MS word comes up with an error message, but if you just click through that the file will open properly in MS Word.

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