Workouts are back in full swing again after my schedule and fatigue levels put it on hold for a bit. The funny thing about exercise and spoons is the whole vicious cycle thing. When I don’t do it, the fatigue worsens. When I’m too fatigued, I can’t do it. Chicken? Egg?
So it’s difficult when a wrench is thrown into the works which keeps me from exercising because it sets off the vicious cycle. Lose lose.
When I get back to the gym, I take it easy for the first two times or so and then I’m so rejuvenated that I dive in head first and go balls to the walls. That’s what I did yesterday and ouch today. Lactic acid anyone?
I love it though. While my upper body is screaming in protest at me today, I’m loving it. What started as conditioning to get ready for guide dog school has become a way to replenish the spoon drawer and boost my self esteem big time.
I’m sooooo close to my target weight of 150. I fluctuate between 155 and 157 at every weigh in. These last few pounds are just pesky little creatures, probably because I still enjoy In and Out burger.
I love that I’m not ashamed to admit my weight to the world. I mean, I lied on my driver’s license. Who doesn’t? If I were to get a new ID today though, I’d tell the truth. So awesome!
I used to think 150 was way too heavy for a girl. Now that I know more however, I understand the difference between muscle weight and fat. I have a lot of muscle on my body, something I’ve never had before and I love it. I love the strength I have today, in spite of my illness. I used to feel so weak all the time and just took it as par for the course.
What I’ve learned though, is that the more strength and muscle I have, the less likely I am of falling and the more ability I have to fight, should that kind of situation ever arise. Of course I hope it never does, but knowing I have the ability to defend myself has taken so much fear out of being a blind woman out in the world and all its evils.
Why am I rambling about this? I don’t know. I was pouring coffee and my arm cursed at me for daring to make it perform in such a way and I decided to write. I’m also trying to get back in the habit of writing on a more regular basis, and it’s been fun to track my weight and success in the gym, so I decided to do a little update.
Should I finally reach 150, you’ll probably hear my screaming from the gym all the way in Florida.
As I read this back, I remembered I wanted to admit I did fall somewhat recently but it was too funny. I’ve only fallen twice since going blind. The first time was at a meeting with a friend. I misinterpreted her “ok” as “sit” so I did. On the floor. That taught me to always feel for a chair first.
The second time was a few weeks ago. I was sitting on my desk chair backwards, adjusting the back cushion straps and when I stood up something happened I wasn’t going to stay upright. I thought the couch was there so I gave into the law of gravity and let it take me, expecting to sit on the arm of the couch. Instead, arse met carpet between the couch and the coffee table. All I could do was laugh.
I definitely still get clumsy, but I shudder to think how much worse it would be if I didn’t have strength and conditioning training. Yikes.