Ok, so I was really vague when I asked for company in this post. It was so hard not to reach out to my blogger family, but I didn’t want to announce online that I would be home alone. So I wrote here and there over the last 2.5 weeks to fill you all in once B got home.
July 15, 2010
I haven’t written this on the blog because it just wasn’t the right time. I’m writing this today with plans to post it sometime in the future.
B’s mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer of 2008. I only mentioned it briefly in a blog post that I’m not even going to link to.
I don’t really know why I chose not to write about it. While I feel close to B’s family, for some reason I have that little voice that says, they aren’t your family because you and B aren’t married. I know that’s just ridiculous though. We spent Christmas in West Virginia with them back in 2008 and it was the most awesome time. I loved waking up in the mornings and having coffee and orange juice with his parents while the local news played on tv. It was one of the best weeks of my life.
They had gotten Cinnamon toast crunch cereal for me, and one morning his mom opened the box and pulled out a little plastic penguin. It’s got a little roller thing on it’s belly, so that you can make it slide down an ice berg, I assume. She handed it to me, and I’ve carried it with me ever since.
I got to meet B’s brother and sister-in-law and they’re new baby. I got to go with his sister-in-law for a massage and Indian food and coffee. I got to meet more relatives in Ohio the day we flew out. It was wonderful, and I instantly felt like part of the family.
I had met B’s parents previously here in Arizona when they came for a visit. They came every October for B’s birthday. I think we had been dating about six months when I met them for the first time, and I was instantly comfortable.
They were only here a few days and we said goodbye in the parking lot of the restaurant where we’d had one of the most delicious dinners. B’s mom said she loved that place, and they’d have to come back. I cried a lot in the car on the way back. I always cry with goodbyes like that.
They also took me to the Melting Pot where I had fondu for the first time, and they got such a kick out of my enjoyment of it all.
I’m so glad I got to see them before I lost my vision. When we went to WV, I had been blind about eight months. I used the cane for a day until I could get around without it, and I startled them one morning since they didn’t hear me coming hehe.
I was crocheting one day and B’s dad asked if I needed light, and then we both laughed hehe!
I bought some scarves for B’s mom, and tied them all together so when she pulled out one from the gift bag, they’d all come out together hehe. She looked up how to tie them on one day, and she liked the scarves much more than the baseball cap.
I also gave her a crochet beanie I had made for myself. It was much warmer for that cold weather.
The day we left to drive to Ohio, I cried and cried when I said goodbye to B’s mom. Then I cried and cried at the airport when I said goodbye to B’s dad. I fell in love with that family and it was so hard to leave.
Not long ago, she got sick and they had to put her in the hospital. Plans were starting to be tossed around for us to travel back to WV. Someone pointed out to me that the humidity there was really bad, and how would that be on the MS. After discussion with B, I decided not to go, and it broke my heart. I hated that my health was keeping me from being there for the family, but the last thing any of them needed was for me to get sick.
Plans were made for B to go in August and he looked at trains but it wouldn’t work logistically. He hates flying, like a lot of people. Plane tickets were bought but then the docters said he might want to come sooner. Plans were made for the last week of July, but then two days ago, the docters said to get B there now.
So he stayed home from work that day, his dad got tickets, and we got everything figured out here. Bills paid, groceries bought, stocked up on cat food and dog food. I got a few friends on standby for “Ro watch” just in case I should need anything. Really this was more to reassure B that I’d be ok.
B left yesterday to spend the night closer to the airport and leave his car at the hotel where parking is much cheaper. It was so hard to say goodbye to him, because I’d miss him obviously, but also because I knew what he’d be going through, and I couldn’t be there with him. I cried a lot and really broke down when he left. I was so grateful I had Jayden.
We talked when he got to the hotel, and then texted till midnight. We’d be getting up at 6am. I was gonna call to make sure he was up.
So 6am this morning I called and we talked a little and then he called while waiting for the airport shuttle, then we talked some more while he waited to board.
He texted when he landed. I had been doing everything I could to stay busy. Did laundry and blogged about the little old lady and Jayden’s birthday, replied to blog comments, posted on FB, talked to Erik and Georgie and Gamma.
B’s uncle was going to pick him up, unless his mom didn’t make it, then his dad and brother would pick him up. B called a little while later to tell me his dad and brother were there.
I just felt horrible for him. He didn’t make it there in time. She passed fifteen minutes before he boarded the plane here.
We’ve been texting ever since the phone call. They went to his uncle’s house and I asked if he ate. He said everyone was pushing food on him, which made me happy.
I sat down to write this about an hour ago, pausing here and there to text and refill coffee. I let Gamma and my dad know, but haven’t spoken to anyone else.
I’m grateful I am just a phone call or text away, but I sure wish I could be there for the family. I know the decision not to go was best, though.
They are driving to West Virginia from Ohio as I write this, and B will let me know when they arrive.
B’s mom was an extraordinary woman. I won’t go into details here; you know how I am about not giving details about other people. However I can say that her mild mannered calmness was so relaxing, her soft voice with just a hint of an accent was melodic and soothing. She was so happy to get to see her grand son, and I’m so glad she got to see the first year and a few months of his life.
She is no longer suffering. I asked my mom to go find her. I wonder if she liked Elvis? I know my mom is at the Elvis concert a lot.
Rest in pease, dear lady. Though I haven’t married your son, I am happy to call you mother-in-law, and my life is blessed to have known you.
July 17, 2010
I slept eleven hours last night. Wonderful! I was just waking up when B texted asking if I slept in. It was a rough day yesterday, for me because I knew it was rough on him. They were making all the arrangements for the life celbration. I was trying to hard to stay strong for him through all this, but I finally just reached a breaking point last night and wasn’t able to hide it for him any longer. I’m grieving his mom, missing him, wishing I could be there for the family and I’m also mourning my mom all over again. So it was just an emotional day yesterday, which ended with a Rays loss to the Yankees after not trailing the entire game. When the game ended I just sobbed and sobbed. It wasn’t the game, but the game was the catalyst for the much needed break down. I might not have slept so well had I not broken down so completely.
B is mowing his dad’s yard today. I had to laugh because well, what are lawns? How do you work a mower? We live in the desert haha. He just sent a text saying holy sh*t batman. Hahaha!
He’ll be home two weeks from today. I feel a little selfish wanting him home, but I can’t help it. I’m so grateful he gets to be there for his dad though. Last night it was just the guys, including B’s two year old nephew. I’m really glad the men in the family are getting some good bonding time in.
I’m going to try and get some chores done today, and prepare some of the food I got for cooking.
Talked to B for a bit and he was covered in sweat from mowing the lawn. Gamma and I are waiting to hear from my uncle. He was driving from New Orleans to Wichita and he left yesterday morning and she hasn’t heard from him. I tried calling and didn’t get him. Ugh. I hope he calls soon.
July 30, 2010
We heard from my uncle that day, so no worries there.
B will be back tomorrow. He’s terrified of flying, so he’s spending the day looking at fear of flying websites. I hate that he’s so scared and I’m not with him.
If all works out, he’ll be home tomorrow around 10pm. He has to land, take the shuttle to the hotel, and drive home. Hopefully the car is fine, but it’s been sitting in weather all uncovered, and one of his tires wasn’t holding air. Luckily it’s parked at a hotel in case he can’t drive home right away.
I told him if he’s feeling the effects from the anti-anxiety pill, that he should stay the night, but he might not even take it. So barring those possibilities, he will be home tomorrow night.
I will be so relieved. It’s been a really difficult two and a half weeks. I haven’t seen anyone but Saavi people. I guess my friends are all really busy. Carol and Chupa are out of town otherwise they would have seen me. We’ve talked on the phone a lot, and the internet and baseball have been great.
There’s a lot to be said about independence, but humans need human contact, at least I do.
I’m pretty exhausted. There’s been more to take care of while he’s been gone. I didn’t realize how much just a few things would wear me out.
So I’m just waiting for the baseball game to occupy me for a bit, and then starts the anxiety of the travel day tomorrow. I just want him safely in my arms.
August 1, 2010
He’s home! Yesterday was soooo nerve wracking while he was traveling. He and his dad got stuck in construction getting to Ohio and then he finally got on the plane. He had found a site where he could actually watch the progress of his flight the night before, so when Erik came online last night, he began tracking the flight for me. They hit a few storms and B said the plane was supposed to continue on to Sacramento but was too beat up, yikes! Then he had to drive home and finally arrived just after 10pm. Jayden was soooo excited and so was I. Oh the relief! He’s sleeping now and it’s so comforting to know he’s in the other room.
I’m so grateful he was able to go and be there for his family. He has a DVD of the pictures and music they played at the life celebration, so he’s going to share that with me today. I’m glad I will at least get to experience that and be able to remember her while B describes the pictures.
So glad he made it home safely and I just missed him sooooo much! I don’t know how military spouses do it…
So, there’s the update. There’s a whole lot more to this last 2.5 weeks, but maybe I’ll get around to writing it later. Right now just celebrating that he’s home.
PS – My online friends were sooo amazing. Those of you who knew and checked on me, thank you! Amanda, you had no idea, but you knew something was up. Talking to you on FB and Twitter was such a help, thank you!
Erik chatted with me daily and even texted when he was away from the computer. He felt awful for going on a camping trip hehe. He was all the way in CT but he was such a support. Congrats to him; he just got a job in NYC!!! Go Erik!
Carin emailed me just about every day and everyone who had the running conversation on that comment thread was amazing. Thank you!!!