5 years sober today…wow. You know, I don’t even know what to write. Hmmm. You know what’s different for me this year on my anniversary, is that it really does just feel like another day. Those first few years, it was all about standing up and taking a chip and getting acknowledged and being asked to share. It felt like such a milestone, but in a pretty ego centered way.
This year however, it’s kinda like, well yeah, of course I’d make 5 years, because I love my life today so why would I want to ruin it with a drink? That isn’t to say I’m convinced I’ll never drink again because I’ve gotten comfortable. Trust me, I’m still on the one day at a time plan. But something about this year is so much less about me. I’m going to a meeting tonight to pick up a chip. Not because I want the recognition, but because it’s an opportunity to maybe help someone else. I wasn’t even gonna worry about making a meeting for it this year, but Carol admited that she selfishly wants to see me get a chip, and I talked to my favorite oldtimer yesterday and he wants to see me too. So this year is now suddenly not about me at all, but about everyone else. And that, to me, is growth.
The celebration I’m having is taking place deep inside me, just me and God, sipping a sweet and bitter iced mocha, sitting under a pine tree off the narrow forest path, while he softly strums his guitar and we reminisce about the last 5 years together, just the two of us. That’s where I feel my joy. Deep inside. I am so grateful to be sober, so grateful to be alive! So grateful to love my life today!