Tiger Jokes

The police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. “I don’t know exactly…put me down for a 5.”

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger’s wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be named Elin Woods…”clubs you can beat Tiger with.”

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family–his new name?: Cheetah

Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?

Hello, Mr. Woods. This is the On Star operator. We have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window. We’ve called Nike. A new club is on its way.
Who among us doesn’t hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!

Tiger’s new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Poor choice; he should have gone with the driver.

4 Comments

Filed under humor as coping skill

4 Responses to Tiger Jokes

  1. Awesome! That made me giggle.

    Tiger’s never gonna live this one down.

  2. Ro

    Nope. The day it happened, the tv made it sound like he was dying. Then the truth started coming out.

    I like the guy. And then he has to do this. I heard charges were being filed against the wife; I wonder what happened with that.

    I really like the Tiger is now a cheetah. I took it a step further when emailing my dad, but it’s not kosher to type it on the blog 😉

  3. This just hit my email and made me think of this post.

    A Tiger Woods Christmas

    ‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
    and out of the house,
    Tiger Woods he came flying,
    chased by his spouse.

    She wielded a nine iron,
    and wasn’t too merry,
    Because a bimbo’s phone number,
    she found on his Blackberry.

    He’d been cheating,
    on poor little Elin,
    And as each day went by,
    another came out squealing.

    He’d been on Holly, on Jaimee,
    on Rachel, on Cori,
    On Joselyn, and Kalika —
    TMZ had the story.

    From the top of the world,
    to above the fold,
    Tiger’s ever more sorted tale,
    was related and told.

    With hostesses, waitresses,
    he had lots of sex,
    And when he wasn’t hosing them,
    he sent them hot texts.

    He crashed his Caddy,
    but didn’t call OnStar,
    Yet he played “spank me daddy”,
    with a skanky porn star.

    He’s been so naughty,
    with Santa he hasn’t a chance,
    Except the big lump of coal,
    that matches the lump in his pants.

    But despite all his crying,
    and begging and pleadin’,
    Tiger’s wife went right out,
    bought a new home in Sweden.

    And I heard her exclaim,
    as she packed up the Escalade,
    “If you’re going to get laid,
    then I’m going to get paid.”

    Now she’s not pouting,
    in fact she’s of good cheer,
    Because her prenup made Christmas,
    come early this year.

  4. Ro

    Hahah that’s great!!!

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