Thank you for shopping with Amazon. Would you like a bra with your Audible?

Oh cue the spam when this post hits Twitter.

I can’t begin to describe to you just how confused I was about how audible.com would save me money. I’ve always known I was a visual learner, hence being great at geometry and not algebra, so what happens when you take the vision out of a visual learner? Mucho confusion about Audible, that’s what.

Folks on Twitter kept trying to explain to me that Audible would be so much cheaper than iTunes, where I’ve been getting Audible books. Pay Audible fifteen bucks a month and get a credit. Use your credits towards books. I’m sure you’re nodding your head because it makes perfect sense to you, right?

I think I thought a credit was equal to a dollar and so I thought the fifteen dollars translated into credits or something. Is that what I thought? I honestly don’t know, but it really made no sense to me how I would save money. I never know when I can afford fifteen a month, but since I’ll soon be changing banks, I’ll be eliminating some automatic stuff so I figured now would be the time to check out Audible. After all, I could cancel it.

Going to the website made it click. A credit is worth one audio program. Ah! There was the image I needed in my head. An audio program is like holding a book in my hands and the credit is like a poker chip in my brain. Exchange. There ya have it.

So I signed up. I got in on a special, or maybe it’s always this way, where the first two months are half off. So I paid seven bucks and change and got a credit. Now, what to buy what to buy.

Abridged books should be shot. No really. The word abridged should not exist and no one should publish abridged books. What is the point? If a writer writes a book that is four hundred pages, chances are they needed each page to convey the story. So why are you going to chop pages out? Have we become such a society that we can’t even read an entire book?

Ok, that’s better after a rant. Now I can explain. I wanted “Hannibal” by Thomas Harris. It’s the book after “Silence of the Lambs” which I just finished reading again for the umpteenth time. My copy is narrated by Frank Muller. Love him! iTunes only had “Hannibal” abridged and narrated by Thomas Harris. In fact, they don’t even have the Frank Muller “Silence of the Lambs” anymore. Guess I got lucky back in the day. Anyway, I thought going directly to the source in Audible would yield more pleasing results. No. Abridged, narrated by Thomas Harris. You know what I hate as much as abridged books? Books narrated by the author.

Back up plan was the new Stephen King book, which has a date for the title and I can never remember the date. When I looked it up on iTunes just after it came out, it was nearly fifty bucks. Gulp! However, with my credit poker chip deal, I got the almost fifty dollar book for my membership dues of just over seven! Ok, totally understand the Audible now. You could put your credit towards something that costs two dollars or fifty. Best to spend it on expensive stuff, for sure. There was something I read that said some items are more than one credit. I wonder what the heck those would be?

Say I want another book before I get another credit next month. Well, as a member, I get thirty percent off the price of audio books at Audible. So there’s that, but the best part?

Free stuff!!!! That’s always a good thing. They have a section of free stuff for members. There are interviews with authors and such and even free novellas. There are also very inexpensive documentaries! Geekgasm! I got a biography documentary about Lizzie Borden for sixty cents. So if I can’t afford a book before I get another credit, there are still tons of audio type things for my listening pleasure.

One of the best things about this thing today, was being able to use my Amazon account to sign up for Audible. Talk about easy! Which leads me to my first ever real issue with Amazon. Part of my last order hasn’t shipped yet and it’s sold by Amazon, LLC or whatever. There was no contact seller info I could find, so after about ten minutes of hunting I finally found a way to contact Amazon asking for updates on why my item hasn’t shipped.

Naturally it’s the part of my order I’m most interested in since it’s a bra. Yep, a bra. I’ve never ordered a bra online. Normally, as most women will tell you, that is the sort of thing that must be tried on. But getting to the store is a pain and my old Hanes Her Way bras I bought at Wal-Mart back in 2007 are just a tad too big these days with my weight loss. So I took a chance and ordered a bra based on reviews from Amazon and I just want it darnit!

Ok phew. I’m in a strange mood. I’m still hurting pretty bad, but at least I had some fun stuff to write about. Thought about writing about wondering where things go when you delete them, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.

Nice! Published this and checked email and Amazon already replied to let me know my bra is now on backorder, with apologies and an upgrade in shipping once it’s available. Carol, weren’t we just talking about writing letters?

2 Comments

Filed under Amazon, Audio books, iTunes, rant, twitter me this

2 Responses to Thank you for shopping with Amazon. Would you like a bra with your Audible?

  1. Abridged books really, really suck, I mean, what’s the point on reading a book if you aren’t reading it complete?
    I prefer not to read a book, rather than reading it abridged.

  2. Ro

    I know, I refuse them. Thomas Harris is screwing himself by not having unabridged books out there. I mean really, who buys them? People who aren’t real readers, I suppose.

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