Sirens of spring, this too shall pass

I had to cancel my workout today. About three quarters of the way through Monday’s workout, I started yawning. And it just hasn’t stopped since. There has been a storm front moving in and I know that’s what’s doing it. I talked to a friend last night who’s also got an auto immune and she’s been on her couch for days. I’m always trying to figure out what I did wrong when these fatigues hit. Did I not eat right? Was I not active enough? Is it because I’m not on any meds? I don’t know why I do this to myself. Yes, I’m eating right. Yes, I’ve been plenty active. I used to feel worse on the meds. It’s just the nature of the beast. It just happens. There’s no preventing it. No changing it. No pushing through it when it gets like this. I’m so grateful for The Spoon Theory, which I linked to a bunch yesterday, because it’s so good at describing what it’s like.

I wonder if I can describe how I feel right now. Hmmm. Ok, you know when your foot falls asleep? You know how that tingling starts when the blod goes back to your foot? My muslces feel like that. Not the crazy thingling. Like, how it feels when it’s just starting to go from numb to tingling. And everything aches. Not a terrible ache, but a dull annoying ache. And my head feels like it’s sitting about ten feet away from me. Like, I know I’m thinking up there, but it’s like my brain and my body are on a 3 second delay. And my eyes feel soooo heavy. Like I haven’t slept in days. I have the urge to stretch constantly. I actually wish I could have someone just grab my legs and pull. Or I wish I had one of those traction things where I could hang from my ankles.

The slightest activity makes me tired. Even typing. Write now my hands are aching; the joints feel like they will almost stop working. My arms hurt, like little needles are traveling up my nerves. I will pay just for writing a post.

On days like this, the only time I feel ok is when I’m on the couch zoned out to a book. I can’t even find the motivation to crochet. As soon as I get up to check the computer or refill my coffee, my body starts screaming at me to stop moving.

I was going to push through and go work out, but as soon as I started making the bed, I knew I couldn’t. I called Gamma because I needed someone to tell me it was ok not to go. Then I called and cancelled my ride and emailed Lisa. And now I’m just bummed. It’s going to be a long day, just counting down until it’s time to sleep. I hear the birds outside, the happy spring birds. They sound different when spring is lurking around the corner. The birds know, and they put on their happy songs, urging spring to come in from out of sight. I hope their tempting songs work, I hope they are the sirens of spring. Maybe later I’ll go stand by the door and let their song fill me up. It’s days like this that I must fight the blues, fight the depression of my physical state. This too shall pass.


Filed under Gamma, spoons, weather, workouts

12 Responses to Sirens of spring, this too shall pass

  1. It’s okay not to work out when it’s not good for you to work out.

    Feel better. I wish there was a magic pill.

  2. Yeah I know those feelings, spring is my hardest time with my fibro due to the near constant changes in weather and barometric pressure. Sorry to hear you are going through this right now. Hope it passes quickly.

    And yes I agree, as hard as is it is sometimes to convince yourself, it is perfectly ok to cancel things on days like today. Have to listen to your body and take care of you 1st.

  3. Hope you feel better soon. I want some birdies over here. It’s all snowy and wintery and blech. It’s not that cold compared to what it can be, but there are no birdies except the occasional confused goose. I always look at a goose honking up here in the winter and think “Did your flock leave you behind? Did they tell you you were too slow and now you can’t figure out where south is? You need a GPS. Hmmm. GPS. Goose Poop South.” Oh god help me.

    I can’t imagine being at the mercy of the weather. It would piss me right off. I hope you feel better soon. It seems to me that you have more good days than bad, so I think you’re entitled to a couple of crappy ones. Obey the body. I wish I could zoom back and forth and get you more coffee. Hahaha.

  4. Hey Ro. I hope you feel better soon. I hate those days that are like that where you just want to xone. Of course, i wouldn’t know what it’s like for you though.

    Erm, about the spoon theory. Would it be possible to get a copy of it for Microsoft word? Or a text copy? Cause JAWS isn’t that good at reading PDFS.

    Thanks, and keep thinking positive.

    Take care, xoxo

  5. Ro

    Carin, I’ll handle the coffee if you can help with the Jaws/pdf thing. Torie, Carin is the omnitient Jaws one.

  6. Feel better soon!

    Toby sends LOTS of licks:)

    Toby’s Raiser

  7. Ro

    Thanks everyone for the well wishes. 🙂

    I went and found an html version of The Spoon Theory. I just put in in a post under the label, The Spoon Theory, for future reference.

  8. Ro,
    Did you ever think, that sometimes you do too much and your body says, “Hold on pardna, not that quick?”
    You did the clothes, you ran to the mailbox, you get around the house scurrying like a little mouse who’s found some great cheese.*smile*
    Sometimes our bodies know what’s best, and our minds are saying not me I wanna run and play.
    The body always wins. 🙁 I say rest, give your body a little attention and listen to it, you’ll be back to mousing around in no time!
    Be well!

  9. Ro

    Oh, absolutely. The thing is though, that sometimes I can go strong for a month with no problems, and sometimes just loading the dishwasher is too much. There’s no definitve answer. So I do what I can when I feel fine, never knowing if I’ll have a bad few days as the result.

    Like, sometimes doing a post will wear me out, and then I’ll feel better in an hour. I’ve actually been on the computer now for a bit and it’s not killing me. And that’s just in one day. So, there’s just no prediciting, no adjusting accordingly. Only adjusting to the moment. Just the nature of the mess 😉

  10. I sorta kinda know how that is. about 6 years ago, I think I came near the brink of death. I will never know, but I believe it in my bones. And on those days when I was ill with a mystery illness that noone could find, I’d be going like normal, and then have to come crying to Steve and say “Finish the dishes because I’m too weak.” It would just happen like that. Something just came along and crunch crunch crunched my energy.

  11. Yea. Your comments are up again. If whoever it was ever runs across a pdf that JAWS just can’t digest, try running it through some OCR like Openbook or Kurzweil.

  12. Ro

    Carin, from your description, you know exactly how it is. That’s how it is for me, to a T.

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