Not that there has been any doubt. When I got out of the hospital after going blind my uncle asked If I wanted to drink and I said, “then I’d be blind AND falling on my ass.”
It’s pretty scary when you have a hard time walking under your own power and you kind of rely on your legs and stuff to help you negotiate the world around you that you can’t see because when you can’t see the horizon you need the rest of you to tell you which way is up and when you’re drunk, this doesn’t work too well.
Wait wait wait, back up, drunk? What?
Yeah no, not drunk on alcohol, drunk on the remnants of anesthesia. Rejoice! The teeth finally came out! The poisonous teeth and even though it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since they were cracked and pried from my skull, I already feel better. Yes yes yes yes yes! Surgeon’s office called Thursday with the insurance approval and I got the first available appointment yesterday. yes!!!
Ok, deep breath. Really did just take one. I’ve been awake since 2:30am because I got too much sleep yesterday and that kills my “non-military regimented sleep schedule”. First I had the nap thanks to a needle in my arm and then I had a nap on my bed at home later while my body adjusted to the vicodin it had never experienced plus the half a cup of coffee I nursed in bed that wasn’t enough to keep me awake. I couldn’t even have water before the surgery. I had to wake up without coffee. Any time B asked me the night before if I was nervous I just said only about waking up without coffee.
The no water was actually harder though. My throat was so dry and I felt like there was a lump there. I gargled when I brushed my teeth and I was allowed a sip to take morning meds but I’m used to twenty ounces of water in the mornings so I was parched like fall foliage.
B and I got to the surgeon’s office ten minutes before my 10:45am appointment. It was nearing 11am when I said to B they probably schedule you for 10:45am so you won’t be late for your 11am appointment and then I had an internal rant about how we punctual people are being punished thanks to the chronically late. It was then that I noticed I was getting anxious. I was ready to get this over with, I had survived the no coffee and now it was time to face the fact that they’d be knocking me out and crunching five teeth out of my head. Ok to be fair they probably only had to crunch two out, the two impacted wisdom teeth. The top wisdom tooth was just a leftover root of the tooth that broke while I ate Lucky Charms years ago before i had dental insurance and the other two were the bottom front teeth that I ruined with a steal tongue ring all those years ago when I didn’t listen to my dental hygienist friend and replace the balls with acrylic. Those teeth have been loose for years so they probably popped out no problem. So I’m sure there was only crunching on two teeth but man my neck and shoulders feel it today. What did they do to me while I was asleep? I had the idea to start a voice note on my phone in my pocket but I felt too much like an NSA spy so I didn’t do it. I mean what if the surgeon and his assistants discussed deep life issues?
They had told me at the consult that the anesthesia would be just like when I had the colonoscopy so I was expecting to come out of it asking questions, not with the remnants of my dream about manipulating gravity.
When they were hooking me up to the hard monitor and such, the pitch of the beep beep beep kept changing when I moved. At one point they all left the room so I started playing with the beeping, slowing down and holding my breath so the beeping got slow and then taking a quick deep breath to speed up the beeping. I’m weird, but it distracted me from the fact that I had left Jayden in the lobby with B and this patient who had been seriously interested in him. (Jayden, not B.)
The main assistant was the woman who did the brunt of my consultation and I remembered her telling me she’d be there the day of surgery. She told me her name was Leah but said I probably wouldn’t remember but I said I would because my friend Amanda has a guide dog named Leah and Leah the woman asked if Leah the dog was a good dog and I said yes.
So I kept waiting for Leah yesterday and she finally got there and I got happy and she rubbed my shoulders. Everyone there was so personable and they made the experience less than scary, just like the people at the colonoscopy. Medical professionals are awesome. I should know, I used to be one. I made them all laugh when I heard a woman say, “heart rate is…” she trailed off and I said, “elevated”. I was nervous haha.
So Leah asked if anything had changed since I was there and I said no and she asked when I was there and when I told her she said, “Oh, the day before I found out I was pregnant!” So we had a squealy girlie moment and she empathized with the no coffee since she can’t drink coffee now either. “At least you get to have some when you get home,” she joked.
Then the surgeon was there and he started my IV and I told Leah to make sure nothing fell down my throat and she said they’d put in a throat cup and then I was waking up from my dream about manipulating gravity. And freezing. I was shivering so hard and it’s a good thing my mouth was full of gauze. I tried to talk. Ha!
The rest was a whirlwind. They brought B and Jayden in and were giving B instructions because obviously I was way too out of it. I was still thinking about gravity and wondering why I couldn’t talk and was that my lip? Holy crap that’s my lip! Is there a baseball where my chin should be?
They got me to a wheelchair and Jayden gave me a once over and they were wheeling me out and to B’s car and Leah and B helped me to the car and Jayden got in and I looked at Leah and muttered through gauze,” ngats ong te aby.” and I gestured at my stomach. Leah was awesome! I think I might send the office a card or something.
I barely remember the drive home. I tried to take a picture of myself but the camera wouldn’t work. It was probably drunk user error.
B and Jayden helped me in the house and then we took Jay out to pee and then I collapsed on the couch and I told B I wouldn’t move until he got back from getting my prescriptions and some mac and cheese. But pain started setting in right after he left so I got up to look for the codeine I still had from the dentist but I couldn’t find it so I took two Tylenol. That could have been bad because the vicodin the surgeon gave me has Tylenol in it. I did my drug research this morning now that I’m coherant. It was fine though. I was still cold so I changed into warm house clothes and climbed into bed, using Gamma’s cane to get around and when B got home he brought everything into the bedroom. I took a Vicodin and we discussed that I also had prescription Advil and I was to alternate the two every two hours. This has held the pain no problem and even when I slept last night, I magically awoke when it was time for the next dose. I’ve hardly felt any pain at all, thank God! I also noticed last night that the pressure in my lower jaw is gone and the vertigo is already subsiding! Those teeth were poison! I swear, medical and dental needs to be covered by the same money. Even flossing was easier without those two wisdom teeth pushing everything together.
I settled into bed and Jayden sat right by the bed even though his bed was right there in the corner. He wouldn’t leave my side. So I pulled is bed right next to me and he curled up. Such a protective boy!
I had started coffee right when we got home and had a cup by the bed that literally took me hours to drink. I got hungry and got up and as I walked out of the room B said, “whatcha doin, you ok?” Such a protective boy!
Eating hard boiled eggs with a partially numb mouth was a bad idea. It was hard to tell what was egg white and what was cheek. I had two cups of apple sauce after that (apple sauce is crack on a sore mouth yum) and when I put my book on it wasn’t long before I turned it off and went to sleep. B woke me at 4:30 since he was going to get some dinner and I was like oh it’s time to feed Jayden! So I got Jayden fed and relieved and then got back into bed. I dictated some tweets and then ate a big thing of Stouffer’s mac and cheese and listened to my book and took my meds every two hours and went to sleep at 10:30 and then magically woke up at 12:30 for my next dose and then again at 2:30 for my next dose but then I couldn’t sleep again so I finally got up at 4 am and I’ve been up ever since. I just checked and it’s 10:18am. I think I’ll get back into bed soon.
Jayden was adorable when I got out of bed at 4am to get some caffeine since a caffeine headache was breaking through the meds. Jayden got up on the couch and methodically sniffed my jawbone. He knows it hurts in there. I swear to God it was like he was making sure I was ok! Either that or it just smelled different and interesting.
When B got up and was heading to work I asked him something, I can’t remember what, and he needed me to repeat it since I now sound funny. You know the beaver from Lady and the tramp? I sound like that now. Ok maybe not quite to that extreme. 😉
It’s time for Jayden to pee and split a banana with me and then I think I’ll retire to listen to the book and the character who manipulates gravity.
Speaking of gravity”
That explains the boom I heard last night that rattled the bedroom window. I didn’t say anything to B because I thought it was just the drugs talking. When he cane in later and read the story of the mysterious boom on his phone I sat up in bed and exclaimed, “that’s what that was!?” B was bummed he hadn’t heard it.
Oh PS – Yesterday was Mom’s birthday! I used to drink a daiquiri or five on her birthday, then when I got sober I switched to some kind of food she would have liked but yesterday there was no eating Greek food or blackened chicken but she did used to like Stouffer’s mac and cheese! I also found out on Twitter today that she shared a birthday with Michael Dorn a.k.a Worf.
PPS – Georgie called as I was previewing this post. She had seen my posts on Facebook and was calling to check on me so we traded wisdom teeth stories. I wish I had asked her if she heard the boom last night. When we hung up my jaw ached. It is hard to talk without those lower teeth. I have to work harder to get the words out. Fun!
PPPS – How are all my run-on sentences? That’s how I think when I’m sleep deprived. Or maybe all the time. Is it time for my next dose? Not yet.