#NaBloPoMo – The Empty Bottle

This morning when I beeped Timmy so I could put him in the spare room and go outside, it sounded like he was inside the white couch. I couldn’t figure it out; there was no room for him to be inside the couch and he’s never been under it before. I thought maybe the receiver had come off and fallen between the cushions so I started feeling around.

I’ve vacuumed out that couch I don’t know how many times. I use the hose extension even. How I had never vacuumed the right side of the couch by the arm before, I have no idea.

My fingers felt the grime there and an old milk ring Spinelli used to play with. I could feel that I hadn’t ever vacuumed that side before. I was cursing my past self when I felt something hard. Upon further investigation, I discovered it was a bottle. Hmmm. I left it there for B to look at.

When I told him about Timmy beeping from the couch, oh yeah, he had been under it, B looked where I told him I had felt a bottle. He jokes with me a lot so when he exclaimed that it was an empty bottle of Jim Beam, I didn’t believe him. He was laughing and I reached out for it.

I unscrewed the cap and sniffed and my stomach curdled oh gross oh gross it smells like whiskey oh ick oh ick oh no ewwwwwwww!

I was shrieking all this as I capped and held the bottle in front of me like a dead rat and dumped it in the trash. It was one of those smaller bottles, a pint maybe? It’s been over six and a half years since a liquor bottle has been in a place I call home. I think my reaction was the funniest part of it. It might as well have been a severed head, with how I freaked out. Hahaha!

Jayden thought this was funny too and began running all over the house as B and I laughed at him and the discovery of the bottle.

It must have been there since before the previous owner gave it to me. Heck, the couch had been someone else’s before it was hers, so who knows how long it’s been there? I just can’t believe I had never vacuumed that spot before.

If anyone is thinking maybe it was B’s, no way. He’s over fourteen years sober and if any alcohol had been drunk here, I would have smelled it. I can smell it on a person if they pass me in the store, that’s how sensitive I am to it these days. So no, you bet your bum it wasn’t him.

Nothing like an empty bottle of whiskey in your couch to keep it green. I actually like the reaction I had to it. I literally recoiled as if from a hot flame, or a severed head.


Filed under gratitude, Jayden, NaBloPoMo 2011, sobriety, Spinelli, Timmy

5 Responses to #NaBloPoMo – The Empty Bottle

  1. Golly, that’s hilarious! I of course would have been wishing it had $100 in it…

    Brandon’s Raiser

  2. Ro

    Oh man I didn’t even think of that! Why couldn’t there have been money left in the couch? hahaha!

  3. Congratulations. I guess if you’ve ever wondered what might happen if you were tempted, you know now. Well done.

  4. Ro

    This is true, though I was never much of a hard liquor drinker. The true test would be if I found an ice cold Heineken in the couch, but that’s rather unlikely and would probably still have the same reaction, with just a touch of hesitation before the tape was played through.

  5. Good for you, and funny too!

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