It pleases me that the book I’m up to on the list is a book I hated because I’m in a dark mood. I’ll go in to that in the life part of the post.
This book sucked. Or rather it sucked as a Stephen King book. It just wasn’t a Stephen King book. It was a Michael Connelly book with maybe some more violence and blood, but it was not a Stephen King book with some scary town like Derry or a clown or a haunted hotel or a Yellow Card Man.
It was a detective novel. A detective novel with no mystery at that. You know who the bad guy is because there are chapters written from his point of view. There was literally no mystery, not for the reader anyway. Connelly has written from the bad guy’s point of view before too but I don’t remember feeling like there wasn’t any mystery left for me.
This book started with so much promise! I remember being riveted from the first but then it just went on and on and on and was boring. If Will Patton hadn’t been the narrator, I don’t think I would have finished it. I returned it to Audible. That’s how much I didn’t like the book.
I had jotted a note for myself that read: Blatant, not subtle, foreshadowing that goes nowhere. Lexapro. I remember the foreshadowing bit, thinking that was my mystery but no. I don’t remember what it was that I thought was foreshadowing, just that it went nowhere. I don’t really remember the Lexapro part of my note to myself. Thinking back to the character that might have applied to, I’m guessing my thought had been that Lexapro wasn’t used correctly or something. I can’t remember.
I think the story had merit. I just wish he had published it under his old pseudonym so I didn’t go into it expecting a Stephen King novel.
Now for my dark mood. I shouldn’t say it’s dark as in depressed dark, just dark as in crap that thing I was worried about actually happened. usually when I worry myself to death over something, it never comes to pass. I shouldn’t even say I was worrying to death because I really don’t do that these days being on the aforementioned Lexapro.
I was worried about my MRI results though, and that worry turned out not to be for nothing. My new neuro was point blank in telling me I have four active lesions on my brain which means the MS is active and we need to act now. As he was talking I could feel my eyes getting wider and wider. Four active lesions? How did I not have any symptoms? How had I not lost the use of a limb? My hearing? My ability to breathe?
He said sometimes there are no symptoms. Since I’ve been home with time to think though, there have been symptoms, just small ones. My last two MS attacks were kind of huge, losing the vision in both eyes, so little symptoms like fatigue lasting for days, right foot cramping, joints hurting to touch, I just wrote off as getting older and having a chronic illness.
Four active brain lesions. He was able to see my old lesions from the MRI without contrast, the MRI with contrast lighting up the new ones. Unfortunately he doesn’t have my old MRI’s to compare to be able to tell how old these new lesions might be. That doesn’t really matter, the point is now.
I’m going to start IV steroids on Monday to “calm the brain down” as he put it. While I’m not looking forward to spending hours at the hospital and dealing with paratransit, yay steroids! Steroids kill all my pain! Yes, they suck too because they make you really hungry and give you hot flashes but no pain you guys! No pain!
Me and my silver linings.
I see Dr. V again next week and he’ll have the results of the blood test that got drawn today. I was so afraid he would push the old interferon injections on me like my last neuro but no! He said there are much better drugs now. The one we’re hoping I can take is a pill but I was tested for some virus that fifty percent of Americans have and if I have it, I can’t have the pill. I’ll find out more about this mystery virus but for now, I can’t remember what he called it.
If I can’t have the pill, the next one he would want me to do is a once monthly infusion of some drug. Again, I was in such shock from the MRI results I didn’t think to jot down the names of this stuff. I think from here on out I’ll be doing voice memos of my doctor appointments haha! I don’t think I’d mind even the once monthly infusion of a drug as long as it doesn’t kill my quality of life like the interferon injections did. And I wouldn’t have to give myself a shot every other day.
Ok so wow, my mood doesn’t feel so dark after writing that. I’m just really grateful I decided to get back under a neurologist’s care when I did and so grateful my Rays Twitter Family friend found me this neurology clinic all the way from florida. Thank you, Nurse K!
I do need to own the fact that I have neglected my health as far as the MS goes since 2008 because of my resentment at the MS itself and the doctors and the medications that didn’t keep me from going blind. My stubbornness is the reason for these four active lesions. I had no idea B was worried until I heard the relief in his voice when he asked what the next step was and I said treatment.
I won’t neglect the MS again. That’s my solemn vow.
I wonder what next week will be like. I’m looking at it as an adventure for Jayden and me. And no pain next week! Weeeee! Oh speaking of pain, I got a prescription for ibuprofin since I take so much of it it was breaking the bank haha!
Oh, please cross your fingers that my insurance will pay for the steroid infusions I need. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about that.
Jayden was just barking in his sleep. I’m glad he’s good an relaxed. He was off at the neuro this morning and I think it was because he could feel my tension. I’ll make next week fun for him even if it’s not fun for me haha.
Oh, when B asked if there was anything he could do, I told him chocolate would be happy making. I expected a Hershey’s Bar or something. He got me a box of Whitman’s! Such a good boyfriend.