I’m pretty tame on this blog when it comes to my sense of humor and the jokes I make about myself being blind.
I just found this blog: http://byesight.wordpress.com/
I love this guy. He is so incredibly funny and real about his blindness. Now, backtracking a minute because i just posted a link and I wish I could do those cool links that people do where I could say “kick ass funny blog” and it would be a link. Its been years since I dappled with html code and I don’t remember how to do it…so the link remains uncool and I’m not sure if its even a link or if people need to copy and paste it.
Sure I had plenty of kicking screaming crying in bed all day hating the world kind of days.
But I also made a lot of jokes and did silly things. That first day blind in the hospital, my friend brought a radio over. When she had arrived early that morning, she found me bawling my eyes out because it was so dark. A few hours later, I wanted to see if I could still line dance, so I was line dancing to the radio in my hospital room. The nurses got a huge kick out of it.
My first day home, my friend came over to help B remove a couch we had put on our back patio, which the apartment people wanted removed. I had been blind in the hospital and my main concern was how to remove the couch.
When my friend arrived I said, “Carl! Your hair’s purple!” Every time I see him now, his hair is a different color according to me. He is a lawyer and works in an office. He does not have magenta hair. But to me he does. He removed that couch, so he gets fun hair.
I have my favorite joke about myself in my “about me” area here. About how I used to think I’d never see 30 because of how I lived my life, and then I literally didn’t see 30. Yeah, it sucks not seeing myself at 30, but at least I don’t spend hours in front of the mirror noticing every new wrinkle.
Anytime I’m out with someone and they can’t find something, and then find it and exclaim it was right in front of them, I always point out that I’m the blind one.
When a friend was guiding me to a chair before I knew how to properly be guided, she said “ok” and I thought she meant “sit” so I sat. On the arm. And then on the floor. I cracked up laughing, and she burst into tears. Oh man, I’m laughing, she’s crying, it was totally my fault but she doesn’t believe me. I’ve learned now to always feel for the seat, so its all good, right?
In West Virginia over Christmas, I was crocheting, and B’s dad asked if I needed light. He felt silly, I thought it was hilarious.
One day B and I were eating dinner. I sit on the floor in front of the coffee table to eat, and he often reads the weekly paper or a magazine. We were eating and he shouted, “Scorpians!” I screamed and got up on the couch faster than I ever moved in my life and he had no idea what the hell I was doing until I said, “Where’s the scorpian??” Oh. He was talking about the band. Well, I can’t see. How do I know if there’s scorpians or not?
I was run into doorways, bushes, side view mirrors and who knows what else, oh yeah a beanie baby display once, back before I knew how to really be guided, and how to hold my cane for additional assistance when being guided. Everyone always felt so bad, but I’d just bounce off and giggle.
Seriously. Am I gonna moan and cry over every little thing? Heck no. Its more fun to laugh.
But I got to thinking, is my humor sick? Does it offend? At rehearsal on Tuesday, the director asked if I got my folder. I had already told her in email that I didn’t need the sheet music. She remembered and said “duh”. I mumbled, “Don’t need it, no use for it, don’t have a fireplace.” And the girl next to me who is a stranger laughed nervously and said, “You’re sick.” I don’t know her, so I don’t know if she was saying that appreciatevly or not…the week before, the director had said something about just going through the music blindly and I said “Like I am”, again to nervous laughter.
My close friends understand it. They know I’m not necessarily making light of blindness, but that I’m coping. Thats all it is. Its a coping skill. I choose the fun way of coping, instead of the old way of crying and being miserable. Or the most horrible way for me to have chosen to cope, to pick up a drink. Trust me, no one wants that. People asked me right after I went blind, if I thought about drinking. “Um, no. Then I’d be blind AND falling on my ass. And how would I know if I’m getting Heineken or Natty Light?”
Oh the best was right before my trip, when my friend took me to the salon for a hair cut and manicure. Side note: One of the things I love about being blind is I can totally justify having these things done for me now. Anyway, while I was getting my manicure, she sat there and held my cane. Then her brow wax was up, and she took my cane and pretended to be blind on the way to the wax room hahaha!!! Oh dear. When I get my dog, she wants to follow me with the cane. I just found out thats actually illegal in some states, for a sighty to hold a white cane and pretend to use it.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a little of my humor, because not too much of it has come out on here thus far.
In editing this post, which by the way is a big pain in the rear but thats another post, I thought about another topic I’ve been wanting to write on, the difference between blind, visually impaired and low vision. I’ve been nervous to express my thoughts on this topic because I don’t want to offend anyone. I want to say hear and now that it is never ever ever my intention to purposely offend someone. but I’m sure some of my views on this sort of thing will offend someone someday, so am I gonna keep it to myself for the rest of my life? Nah. So now I’m formulating my idea on that topic, coming soon.