I’m not sure if I’ve told the story about the murder of the cell phone. I’m pretty sure I mentioned before about wanting to put the laptop in the freezer, though.
A few years back, I got a sweet deal on a phone upgrade. I opted for a sleak Samsung slider phone and was thrilled that it took pictures and video. It was a Christmas present I had bought for myself; my first Christmas in my nice new apartment.
Five months later, I was diagnosed with MS after my right eye went blind. I was trying to apply for disability and was calling Social Security for something. I had been having problems with the phone dropping calls in my apartment and had spoken with T-Mobile about it. The day I murdered the phone, I was sitting in my bedroom making my phone calls.
I can still picture the scene. At the time I had a light green feather comforter, a bargain I had found at a thrifty store. The blinds were open and the room was bright and cheery. My back faced the window and in front of me across the room, was the solid oak dresser my Gamma had gotten for me as a house warming. It stood tall and proud with five roomy drawers.
I dial Social Security, get through all the Silicone Sally speak, enter in all my information, tell Miss Sally I’d like to speak to a human please, and get placed on hold.
Tick tock. Your call is very important to us. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. Tick tock.
I’m pretty sure that was in the days before it told you how much longer you had to wait. I stayed by the window, because it seemed I had better reception and less chance of dropped calls if I stayed by a window.
I know it was about thirty minutes because I remember thinking that was the longest I had ever been on hold.
A cheerful voice comes on the line finally. How may I help you?
Dead air. Dropped call. Phone goes flying before I can think, hits the proud solid oak dresser and shatters.
I sit stunned. Then I laugh. I go inspect the remains. It’s dead all right. Gutted. I could have called the time of death but I don’t think I was in a morbid mood. At that point all I could do was laugh.
Luckily I still had the old flip phone and T-Mobile runs on sim cards, so I just swapped them back and was not out a phone. I put the crumpled and shattered remains of my viciously murdered phone into a Ziplock baggy. I took them to the store where they informed me there was nothing they could do. I didn’t have life insurance on my phone, so I was just out the fifty bucks I had spent after rebates.
I never threw an electronic device after that. I could have today.
I’ve been listening to Stephan King’s ‘Duma Key’ on my nifty iPod nano 5g, which doesn’t need headphones. It’s really great for listening to books. Last night I was laying in bed listening when the battery died. No, I did not almost throw it. Remember I said I could have thrown an electronic device today, not last night. Plus, I had been expecting the battery to die. When I charge it, I lose my place in my book and then have to go hunt for it, so I just play it until the battery dies, keeping it paused at night. I can just hear all the Victor users screaming at me to get a Victor. I’m sure you don’t lose your place with Victor. Anyway, this isn’t about Victor.
So today I decide to find my place in the book in iTunes on my laptop while the iPod is charging. I didn’t feel well this morning and into the afternoon and was nursing a migraine which eventually took it’s leave.
I’m listening to my book for awhile and it’s just riveting. One of King’s best I think. It’s getting really good. It’s nearing what I can tell is going to be a climax, a snapping of the rubberband with all the tension going on. My two writer friend’s will appreciate that.
It definitely reached a climax and then took a turn. A turn that was making me nauseous. A winding road, no make that a narrow winding road, on the side of a mountain with nothing but jagged rocks and seething wild water below. Yeah, that’s how it felt. Then it felt like the car was about to plummet. All it took were about ten words penned by Mr. King. They weren’t even scary words. Nothing gross or rotting or ghostly or even supernatural was happening yet. It was that foreshadowing that he is just such a master at. A very obvious piece of foreshadowing that he had been alluding to but which I kept pushing away, hoping he wouldn’t go there. And then he did. At least he sure made it sound like that’s where it’s going.
I thought I’d vomit. I couldn’t pause it fast enough. Had it been the iPod, I might have thrown it. Had it been an actual book, it might have gone in the freezer. All I could do was scramble to hit pause and keep my mouth covered and Call Carol. She didn’t answer so I took Jayden out after texting B and telling him the book almost made me vomit. He’s the one who bought it for me after reading it himself.
So what’s with the freezer, you might ask. I’m a big fan of ‘Friends’. In one of the episodes, Joey is reading ‘The Shining’. Coincidence that it was a Stephan King book? Hmmm. Anyway, Rachel walks in and Joey is shoving the book in the freezer because it scared him. Later when he’s reading Little Women and a death occurs, Rachel asks if he wants to put the book in the freezer, to which he mumbles “yes” in a choked sob.
So until I can read braille well, I don’t think any of my electronic devices will rest easy. I can swear that I’ll never throw one, or put one in the freezer, but there are no guarantees, especially when it comes to the likes of Stephan King.