I’ve pushed too much. Those first two weeks, I pushed too much. Too much. Worried about missing important stuff. Worried about what people thought. Towards the end of the two weeks I started backing off. I started listening to my body, but not enough. Yesterday I skipped the morning route in San Fransisco, and then in the afternoon were the instructor meetings. I skipped the short route to the gift shop. There was a night route that night in San Rafael. I didn’t want to go. I felt horrible all day. I was having intestinal woe. Some Pepto from the nurse help. The instructor said it would be good if I could push through and go. I did. I said I had to go first. Same route as the one that caused the meltodwon last week. Get off the bus, face the back of the bus, cross four streets, halt and turn left, go to the next street turn right, find the lounge. It was engrained in me from the day of the meltdown. The re-train bus went first. We had to wait. I was confident but nervous and I kept pushing away the fatigue. My heart raced. A classmate said close your eyes and take ten teep breathes. I did. Finally it was my turn. It went great. Fabulous. Wonderful. Jayden sniffed a plant but I told him no and we continued. Then right as we got to a curb after a crossing he was distracted by dogs. I was gonna get out of the street and then get his focus back. An instructor popped out before we got on the curb. Your dog is distracted, she’s distracted. I know. I fought the urge to say he’s a he not a she. I fought the urge to say I want out of the street first, duh. Got his focus back and we were off. Made it to the lounge. Celebrate, happy, kibble, hugs. On cloud nine. Get home. Can’t sleep. Not early enough start to the wind down. Get up this morning. Pouring. Pouring rain. Get on rain gear, take him out. Come back, dry him off. Exausted. Have breakfast. Stomach threatens not to keep what I gave it. Go to the meeting. Route in San Fransisco this morning. Nope. Not going. Don’t have light rails in Arizona. Tell my instructor, near tears. He says ok. Afternoon route in San Rafael. Will be lighter. Maybe you can go. Freelance. I say ok and go find the nurse. I cry and she calms me down and brings me mint tea. She takes me back to my room and turns down my bed. I lay and listen to a book for awhile. Duma Key. Excellent book. Great descriptions. Feel like I’m in Florida. Legs ache. Stretch. Still ache. Get up after awhile and make instant coffee. Check in with the nurse. Tell her I’m hurting. She is so understanding. I think the rain stopped. It’s tempting to go to San Rafael. No pushing. Pushed last night and I’m paying for it today. Won’t push just because the sun is out. I don’t care what they think. Well I do but my body doesn’t. Won’t push. Won’t go. 5:15 graduate services lecture. Didn’t we have that already? Free tonight. Jayden knows. He’s just sleeping. He was just wagging his tail in his dreams. Dreaming about Betsy, his favorite kennel lady. He got to see her this morning. Publish this, get ready for lunch, won’t push. Come back later, let Jay chew on his new Goughnut from Aunt Carin and Cousin Trixie. Relax. Rest. No pushing.