I’ve had a few people lately mention the fact that I haven’t blogged. Oops. I know the recaps were going well and then I don’t even know what happened that made me stop. So I’ll throw up links to get current, then write a little and try to get back to writing daily.
March 25, 2010: Haha this is a really negative post, which tells me it must be this time of year that sucks for me or something. You should read it though; the paratransit driver described in it was just kinda pathetic.
March 28, 2010: Jayden gets his first house freedom.
April 1, 2010: I threaten to stop blogging and then give a massive update. For all the other days here, I don’t have a present day to match. But April 1 this year was Friday and Carol came over to go hang by the pool. It was awesome! We started out with Jay laying on a damp towel between us with his water bowl, but when he got warm we moved him to a covered patio that’s kinda raised up a bit. I joked that it was like his throne. He could lay up there and watch us. We decided when we go again to immediately settle him there since it’s nice and cool there and he did fine not being right by my side. It was awesome to get some sun, the first pool day of the year.
April 2, 2010: A nice walk and Jayden sensing my fatigue among other things.
And now I’m caught up on the Doggy Diaries from last year since I didn’t write on the third. April is Autism Awareness Month and last year I wrote a post a day on Autism. Go check out the posts if you’d like to become aware like I did.
So now to the present. I’m not really sure why I stopped blogging. Part of it is because I had nothing to say, at least not anything that belongs on a public blog. You know how most people get down when winter comes? I’m the exact opposite. I’m a duck. Huh? Yep, a duck. I heard an analogy during a spring training broadcast about how a person is like a duck and I don’t even remember what it was in reference to. But basically a duck looks really graceful on the surface, gliding across the water, but it’s peddling like hell below the surface. That’s me.
I might look really graceful and polished and adjusted on the surface, but underneath I’m paddling like hell to stay afloat. Life is bloody hard. Sometimes though, I really am just simply graceful, gliding along on the current, resting my feet under the water. Then my feathers get ruffled and life’s hardships are glaringly obvious and I can’t ignore them and all of the sudden my webbed feet are pushing against that water as though life depends on it.
I’m doing ok, but just ok. Everything on the surface is ok but below the water is dark and murky and polluted. That’s life though and this too shall pass. Won’t it?
I try and live by accepting the things I cannot change. When I’m in that mode, I’m ok. But then I suddenly can’t accept those things and I need the courage to change them. The wisdom is knowing the difference. For me it’s not about knowing whether or not I can change things, and I know I have the courage to do that, the wisdom is knowing I don’t want to dive into the murky waters below to do so. So I move back into acceptance until it’s too hard and then what? I tell you if you ask. Carol knows all the right probing questions. Talking about it helps but it still doesn’t change anything. At least it takes the sting away a little.
I like a baseball analogy for this. When I don’t talk about things, I’m a pitcher in the bottom of the ninth and my team has the lead but the home team has the bases loaded and nobody out. When I begin to talk, I get a pop up and my third baseman catches it. One out. If I keep talking about it, I get a ground ball and my defense turns a double play. Game over. I can breathe again.
But I pitch again in five days and it all starts over. It’s never-ending. Life is never going to be easy. I either deal with it or I don’t.
April is bittersweet. There are anniversaries in April, some good, some not so great but one with a shining silver lining through the murk. April is the start of baseball but it means heat is around the corner. I’m just in a funk.
I will try and recap and blog daily again though, because I really was enjoying looking back, and doing it daily is a hell of a lot easier than catching up like this.
Oh yeah, My Rays are 0-3 for the season and Evan just went on the 15 day DL for a strained oblique. Baseball is my saving grace this time of year so this start has me a little bummed.
We’ll find another way, though. Go Rays!