Category Archives: weather

Doggy Diaries – We’ve Been Together Two Years!

This whole week I’ve kept reminding myself that the seventeenth was the two year anniversary of dog day, and then I forgot for the first part of today haha! It’s been a really crazy month and Jay and I have been stuck in the house because of everything going on with Gamma, not wanting to miss phone calls, stress making me sick, just crazy stuff. So today I was hell bent on getting a walk in since it was time to turn in our new lease so it was a perfect excuse to finally get the courage to not be able to answer the phone in case of updates.

I checked the weather and rain was in the forecast but there was no way to guarantee when. I put my raincoat on that I had gotten for doggy school and we set out. It was chilly and rather brisk, but dry.

Both of us had a spring in our step as we walked briskly. I love flying down the sidewalk with him. It’s so funny on our way back, he slows down. Like nooooo let’s not go hooooooome. So I asked if he wanted a banana, and he picked up his pace.

We came in and I got him all excited asking if he wanted his banana and after we shared it, I realized it was the seventeenth. We took our anniversary walk and I hadn’t even realized it! I wonder what we did last year for our year together. I’ll have to grab the post I wrote. First though, I dug up the dog day posts from school.

I didn’t have internet right away, so I wrote three posts on dog day and saved them as text documents. When I pasted them into the blog, I pasted as is, typos and all, to capture the emotions of it all.

The first post mostly goes into the day before dog day.

I think second post might be my favorite. I sat there in my dorm room typing in a text document, just waiting for them to come get me. I knew Jayden’s name and that he was a yellow lab but that was it. I’m so glad I wrote these memories! Jayden, my Jay Bay, two years already?? Wow.

Haha the third post begins to show how nuts doggy school was. In it I write that he’s eighteen inches tall, but he’s twenty-two inches tall. I also write that he was in the womb when I went blind which is wrong, but he was conceived shortly after I went blind.

Reading that post, I have to wonder if they still have the brand new teams get on the bus and keep their brand new dogs from “melting” and then do a stressful walk in San Rafael. If they do, they should stop haha. I didn’t have that awesome “first walk” with Jayden like so many handlers have talked about. I think all the first timers were drained from dog day on after that. I wonder if they’ve changed that.

Ok now to see what I wrote last year. Haha ok, it’s a pretty similar post. I had also gotten his weight wrong, that’s right. I said the second dog day post was my favorite and mentioned the first walk haha. Last year though, he got to see his friends in the office. This year, they weren’t there. Last year, insurance people came over, today no one came over. So it’s been different days, but he got spoiled just the same hehe! Today he’s had his usual treats, plus an extra biscuit and some peanut butter. Since I finally had some energy and stuff, I’ve been rather hyper and silly with him and when I was working out using my TRX, he thought it was play time which made me laugh a lot. It’s been a good day.

I can’t believe we’ve been together two years now. Where does time go? I can’t wait to go visit Gamma where she’s rehabbing her hip, since he brings her tons of joy, too.

Happy anniversary my Mellow Yellow Jayden Bailey boy!! I love you sooooooo much!


Filed under anniversary, Doggy Diaries, Gamma, gratitude, Jayden, num num food, on this date, spoons, weather, working dog, workouts, wow

Oops, I stopped blogging again

Well it’s pretty obvious I’ve stopped blogging daily haha. It just kinda happened. I had just run out of things to blog about, but I’m determined not to neglect the blog like I did before.

Unfortunately today I’m coming down with some kind of stomach thing. I feel lousy! On the good new front though, the meeds my doc tried me on for pain are working swimingly. I take them later at night now so they’ll last longer the next day. We’ve weather coming and while I feel it in my joints, I don’t have that awful nerve pain. I finally got Glucosamine tablets again after waiting forever for them, so I’m really hoping those are going to help with the joint pain like they have in the past.

That’s really about all there is to report. Life is going nicely so far this year, knock on wood. Baseball is right around the corner and I’m starting to get very excited for the season. I’ve missed my nice daily reprieve with my Rays!

Oh, haven’t been to the gym this year. Last week was bad and today I’m waiting on the maintenance man. I know I don’t have to be here for repairs, but I prefer it that way, and that’s a blessing now with this stomach thing. I have worked out at home though since getting my TRX equipment. Hopefully some time I’ll get a video of that now that I own my own. I’m looking forward to weighing in and checking how much holiday weight I put on haha NOT! I’ll take it off though and I’m sure it’s only a couple pounds. Clothes still fit fine, but I can just tell I put on one or two pounds.

Ok, I don’t feel like editing. My stomach is complaining again.

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Filed under baseball, random stuff, sicky sick, spoons, weather, workouts

Back injury update

Just a quick post to say that my massage therapist is a miracle worker. It was intense when he first began working on the problem area. It has to hurt to get better. I was on my stomach when he first began working on it, and then he did the rest of my back and such.

My hamstrings were definitely tight as heck and he laughed when I told him I blogged about how he’d scold me. When I flipped over on to my back he did my legs and then went back at the problem area. This was when I nearly passed out. He got his fingers under my hip bone and then had me lift the leg. I could barely do it. He let me rest and then I had to lift the leg again and that time, he really got in there and we both felt the nerve bundle release. My palms were sweaty and I was dizzy even though I was laying down.

It was amazing how much better I could move afterward but I still have to be very careful and rehab this injury. He wanted me back on the heat when I got home to keep it from tightening up again. It has tightened up a little even though I’ve had the heating pad strapped to my back. I’ll have to keep babying it for sure. I have no idea what aggravated this old injury but this time it’s worse than the first, wow.

Tomorrow I’ll soak in the tub for awhile and do some stretching. I was telling him I’m glad my legs are strong, because they’ve definitely had to pick up the slack since I can’t bend. He said being strong helps injuries heal faster, because you have other areas of the body to compensate. So glad I’ve worked so hard in the gym!

Tonight I was able to eat dinner without wanting to vomit. Last night I ended the day in tears and today started with tears. Maybe my eyes will stay dry now. Time will tell, but this sure was a doozy!

I want to thank those of you on Twitter last night who sent me virtual hugs and support. It helped get me through until I could get to bed and just cry. Tonight will be better when I go lay down, I’m almost sure of it. Glad I have one last thermal patch to put on so hopefully I won’t tighten up too badly while sleeping. We’ve got another storm rolling in, so now it’s all about preventative measures to keep this thing healing.

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Filed under gratitude, twitter me this, weather

Desert Creatures going Bump in the Night

It had been raining all day. My body protested the weather though my spirits were high as I lounged on the couch for most of the day, staying warm and dry inside. All but one of the times I took Jayden out to relieve required a good toweling which left Jayden’s coat even softer than normal.

As I wound down for the night my mind was on the new Stephen King book I would be starting while nestled warmly in the comfort of my bed with the memory foam mattress topper. As I hooked Jayden’s leash securely on his collar, I always double check with a little tug, I realized I didn’t have my towel. I cracked the sliding glass door open slightly and only heard the rhythmic tap tapping of water falling from the roof, but no steady sound of a drizzle so I continued outside.

It all happened in an instant but the memory is like a snapshot in my mind. B’s music faded out as I shut the screen door and Jayden walked to the end of the patio pavement and on to the dirt. I froze as I heard a clattering from the direction of the neighbor’s patio on my right. With no time to try and decipher the noise I went with my gut and turned my back on the sound. Jayden’s leash tightened with his hesitation but the wordless command filled with fear that travelled from my hand down the leather to his collar made him obey the wish I could not voice and he followed me back to the door.

I ripped open the screen and as soon as I knew Jayden was over the threshold I slammed it shut, the glass door slamming just seconds after. B exclaimed from the couch but I don’t remember what he said. He was up in a flash as I hit the floor, all strength suddenly gone from my legs, Jayden’s leash clutched firmly in the hitchhiker’s grip in my lap.

“Monsters?” B asked.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. I can still remember how feeble my voice was since I could not pull air into my lungs no matter how hard I tried. B, being the fearless man he is, slapped on his shoes and wen’t to investigate. “Be careful,” I gasped.

I sat there by the door, Jayden now looking out as I clutched his leash in a death grip. I heard no screams or sounds of attack, just B’s sneakers as he moved along the pavement.

“Piggy!” he said then, in a childlike voice. “Piggy, oh another piggy! One, two, three, oh piggy by the door…” his voice trailed off as he reentered the house the way I had done just moments before. I heard the screen door close and imagined the javelina bursting through it.

“Close the door,” I hissed as the door slid along the tracks and the satisfactory click of the lock allowed me to exhale. Returning breath would be difficult to grasp again.

“Piggy! Jayden sees the piggy,” B said and I burst into tears. “Oh crap,” he said, and knelt beside me, rubbing my back.

Only a few tears leaked as my body wracked with sobs. That is the worst kind of crying, when you’re sobbing with no cleansing rush of tears to accompany it.

“Panic…attack,” I managed as I concentrated on not concentrating on my breathing, the way B had instructed me when I had experienced my first anxiety attack when we were newly dating all those years ago.

“I’m sorry I made light of it, should I take Jayden out?”

I grasped his fingers, communicating that his apology was not necessary, still holding Jayden’s leash, not willing to relinquish it. “Out front, go with me,” I whispered and wondered if I could stand. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, but I’ll panic if I’m not with him.”

B understood completely and we went to the door. He inspected the front before I went out. My fear had transferred for a minute to Jayden, who stood by the door, unwilling to go out. “It’s ok,” I said in my chipper voice and he relaxed and went out. I’m sure he could smell the beasts in the air because after he was done he just wanted to sniff. B kept guard for a minute and then when I was sure Jayden was done, we went inside and I was finally able to giggle and release some of the nerves.

My body was still trembling five minutes into the new book and when one of the characters said, “life turns on a dime” I thought that sentence couldn’t be any closer to the truth.

I think the rains must send smells into the air which lure the javelina close to our doors. The last time one had come onto the porch, it had been raining. Perhaps trying to explain why they come when they do helps me compute what had happened. There have never been any reports of people or dogs getting hurt by those things here at the complex, but last summer, farther in to the center of town in an old historic neighborhood, a dog was attacked by one while his person took him for an afternoon walk. I’m still not sure how it managed to sneak up on the woman. Maybe since it was daytime it was louder out, or maybe she just wasn’t as observant as I am. Even with thoughts of a new book in my head, I was on high alert as always when we went outside. It’s lucky those rodents of enormous size are noisy. I just wonder about the state of my neighbor’s patio.

I need to talk to management about people feeding wildlife. It’s cute to feed the bunnies and the birds. I’ve done it, not recently, but I used to enjoy watching the squirrels on my back porch munch on sunflower seeds. However you don’t just attract the cute lil beasties. You also reach out to the monsters. Life, it turns on a dime, doesn’t it? I’m just grateful the only result was a thumping heart and trembling limbs. Maybe Jayden will now associate the javelina with his person’s fear and not think of them as play things.

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Filed under desert life, gratitude, Jayden, spoons, weather

Thoughts on pain management and how scared I am of it

Pain management has always been something in the back of my mind, something I’ve known I’ll need to look into eventually but I really didn’t think eventually would come so soon.

The neurologist I saw when I was first diagnosed with MS in 2006 said there’s no pain with MS. I realize now that I have a huge resentment at that man. I believed him. I wish I could have videotaped myself this morning to show him. No pain with MS? Here, watch this. Watch the sobbing and the bending over in pain, watch as I just try to get my dog fed and relieved, watch as I sobbed just wanting to get to the couch, watch as I lay there unable to move but needing to since no position was comfortable and tell me there’s no pain with MS.

It feels like an exposed nerve on a tooth. Everywhere. It feels like daggers are being shoved into my knees and then bolts of pain radiate down my shins and up my thighs. It feels like a school of little pain children was just released on the last day of the semester and they’re running along my bones and muscles and nerves.

Four Advil eventual took the very edge of the pain off and canceling my doctor’s appointment eased the sobbing, knowing I wouldn’t need to leave the house. I’m grateful they were understanding and rescheduled me for next week. Always find a silver lining, always. Or go insane with it all.

I do what I can to ease the pain. I exercise and get regular massages. I stretch. I do yoga. I soak in the bath. But those things don’t help the flairs of acute pain like what attacked me this morning upon awakening.

I knew rain was in the forecast. I felt it Friday while I was on the phone with Carol. “I suddenly feel rain pain,” I said.

“Is rain coming?” Carol asked.

“I don’t know, let’s check.” I hopped on my weather page. Yep, fifty percent chance of rain Monday night. It’s Monday morning and already raining. Add that to the early arrival of Aunt Flo for her monthly visit yesterday and you have a recipe for disaster.

I wanted pot this morning. Just the thought of it brought tears of longing for the relief I knew it would bring. I never enjoyed pot recreationally even in my drinking days but I did smoke it if it was available when I had a migraine or cramps and it worked like nothing else ever did. When I have moments of acute pain, it’s all I think about.

Today I finally accepted that it’s time to discuss pain management with my doc next week and that terrifies me. Just thinking about it makes the tears well up again. I’m afraid of pills. I’m afraid of getting hooked on pills. I’m afraid my strength in sobriety will ebb one day when emotions have my bases loaded and I’ll talk myself into pain I don’t have so I can take a pill. I’m terrified of what drugs do to organs. I love the fact that I don’t abuse my liver with booze anymore. I don’t want to make it process anything else. But four Advil isn’t good either. I see that now.

This is another turning point in life with MS. I’ve talked with Carol before about how the blindness made the MS real for the government and for many people in my life. I didn’t look sick before I couldn’t see. It took the loss of my eyes to show how severe my disease is. I don’t mind the blindness. Too much awesome stuff has happened as a result of going blind, like Jayden and the Rays. I hate the MS though. I hate that my blindness is seen as my primary disability. I hate the people see me as so capable. Why don’t you work? Why don’t you go back to school? Those questions had all stopped when I went blind but they creep up again from time to time. You’re so adjusted. Yeah, until rain happens while Aunt Flo is in town or even when she isn’t. Today was just a powder keg exploding finally letting me know I need to have a backup plan for severe pain days such as this.

I’m just scared. I had to write it out that I’m scared. There are others like me out there. You’ve been scared too. Maybe you’ll google something about being scared of pain management and read this and know you’re not alone.

Here’s another silver lining. The couch came in the most perfect of times. I don’t see me getting up off this couch for any length of time today. It’s perfect and comfy cozy for bad pain days. Thank you, Carol!


Filed under doc, fellowship, gratitude, Jayden, sobriety, spoons, weather, yoga

From the Desk of My Sleep Deprived Mind

This is the first time my insomnia has been so bad that I’ve decided to just give in to it and get up. Usually I just lay in bed, listening to the swirling thoughts in my head as the pain in my body competes with my thoughts until I finally drift away. Not this morning though.

I think I’m going on about two hours of sleep. I flipped over at one point, exposing my unplugged ear and B’s music woke me up. He needs music to sleep and it’s been getting louder and louder at night. I finally checked the time after tossing and it was 1:30. I decided to try and get up for a bit. Didn’t the insomnia articles used to suggest getting out of bed? Isn’t that supposed to help?

I often read tweets in the mornings from people who can’t sleep so I thought I’d give it a go. After thirty minutes I tried to sleep again. It was deliciously warm in bed. We’re under a freeze warning so I threw a huge crochet blanket on the bed for added warmth. Unfortunately the monkeys in my brain still would not shut up and eventually the pain reached critical mass and all I could think about was coffee.

I still fought getting out of bed, being about to rise and then thinking against it. My mind would wander some more, like thinking about how the wireless didn’t work yesterday when the weather was rolling in and how Carol fixed it by suggesting I power everything down so it could all come back up together. I imagined the modem and the router being lost in the mist like in Gone with the Wind and they couldn’t find each other.

“Mr. Router? where are you? Mr. Router!”

“Ms. Modem, over here, can you hear me?”

“I hear you, oh Mr. router I hear you but I can’t find you! We can’t go on like this!”

“I know, Ms. Modem, we just have to pray they power us down and back up and finally clear away this mist…”

Yeah, the thoughts in a sleep deprived brain.

What else let around my cranium that is fit for public consumption? Naturally now I can’t remember. There was some really good and creative stuff, too. Oh well.

I finally got up just after 3am after trying to sleep for an hour. The first time I got up, Jayden didn’t budge. I had moved his bed away from the wall so he’d be warmer and he was curled up as close to my bed as he could get. The final time I got up however, He was like, “yeaaaaaaaah! Food! Food! Food!”

Oh honey, no. I’m so sorry but no. Notice it’s dark out? Most times if I wake up earlier than normal, I’ll feed him like always, first thing. But this wasn’t waking up early, this was like why bother having slept in the first place?

It’s now 3:55am. I read Twitter again after getting up for the second time, after making coffee. There were maybe five tweets. One thing I noticed is that both times I tweeted, I instantly got spammed. Do the spammers think sleep people and/or drunks will more easily fall for spam links? I’m sorry, but if you click on spam in Twitter, you deserve your virus.

I did my morning writing. I didn’t do my morning writing yesterday because the broken internet consumed me. Is that why I couldn’t sleep? I process so much in my morning writing. I bet it’s a combination of that and life stuff.

I think the last time I was awake at this hour was when I stayed at the Diner until they opened again after the old Friday night. That was good times. Or when I stayed up all night at the young people’s conference in northern Cali. But those were fun times being awake at this time. Not exhausted and freezing times.

I just had, “no woman, no crime” in my head. Is that how it goes? No woman no crime, no woman no crime! Is that it? Oh lack of sleep delirium, you’re actually somewhat fun now that I’ve had some coffee.

I wonder if this post will yield any good search results. I used to get the funniest search queries back when I wrote a lot about random things.

I had a funny thought when I refilled coffee but it’s gone. I’m conversing with a stranger on Twitter about sparkling vampires. That’s one of the best things about Twitter. Someone I followed retweeted someone who said they had never seen any of the Twilight movies and were proud of it, or something. The person I follow wrote, “double ditto”. So I retweeted and wrote, “triple ditto?” Then the stranger and I continued chatting about Twilight and I had to convince her, him? Not sure, that I’ve never seen the movies because I mentioned the sparkling bit and then we launched in to more possible plot points that probably are not in the plot at all. We haven’t even begun following each other. Sometimes you end up following strangers like this, sometimes you converse briefly and then poof! They’re gone like Keyser Soze.

Do you ever write a name like Keyser Soze and then go Google the spelling? Good thing I did. I had Keyser as Kaiser. One of the spellings had some funny sounding character in Soze though.

How many words have I written in my sleep deprived stupor? Let’s ask my online word count tool since Text Edit doesn’t have a word counter. Oh my! 978 words? Oh dear. Well, if you’ve stuck with me this long, kudos. This is as long as my short stories. Too bad I can’t seem to write fiction lately. That would have been nice to do during these wee morning hours. Instead I’ve written what? Something to bait the searchers? Time will tell. Yes.

Ok, I’ll edit and post and then get back to cleaning up labels on the blog I started last night and then maybe start the daunting task of organizing my documents folder. Good times! Who needs sleep?


Filed under coffeeholic, humor as coping skill, Jayden, random stuff, silly girl, Sleep Deprived Fun, twitter me this, weather, writing

If your wireless goes out during a storm, don’t do what I did

I’ve never experienced weather affecting my wireless before. Last night it started acting up but it was late so we didn’t mess with it. Upon awakening my first thought was, I bet the internet isn’t working.

Sure enough, no internet when I woke up. I didn’t know how to start my day without Twitter to go along with coffee. I immediately started troubleshooting. I even tried getting in to a neighbor’s wireless so I could Google, but everyone is smart and password protected.

We have a router through T-Mobile because we have one of their home phones. We had gotten it after I went blind because we had both gone over our cell minutes. I’m not sure why we bother to keep it now, but anyway. The phone worked, but not the internet. I know nothing about the interworkings of a router so I thought perhaps the wireless part of it was broken. I decided to troubleshoot using an old Lynksis router I had kept.

There I was, not fully caffeinated, switching out a router blind. There’s a first for everything.

My laptop recognized the network but naturally, I couldn’t remember my old password. I tried to get in to the modem settings page to change the password but I couldn’t without being connected to the internet so I moved the laptop on top of a tall cabinet near the router to hardwire in. For some reason though, I could not access the modem page even now being connected to the net. I was chatting with Erik, checking IP configurations, neither of us understanding why I couldn’t pull up the modem page. My IP showed that my laptop was talking directly to the modem even though it was connected to the router. I realized why much later while at Gamma’s.

B got up and I finally just walked him through accessing the modem page on his desktop but I had the incorrect login information. I’m still not sure why, since I’m pretty sure Carol and I set it up to match the wireless network, but perhaps since it was a different router, therein lay the problem. I still don’t know. By this point my body was screaming after standing at the tall cabinet to access my hardwired laptop for I don’t know how long.

I decided we’d just hardwire the laptops and figure it out later since I needed to get to Gamma’s. Months ago I had planned on buying a fifty foot ethernet cable when I was dropping baseball feeds, but after Carol fixed the wireless, I never ordered the cable.

The one I had was short but B could use it for his laptop. I sent him to Best Buy to pick me up a fifty footer and he called while I was eating at Gamma’s. They didn’t have a fifty footer, only a twenty-five and it was $140. Gag what??? I told him that was nuts. I had found a fifty footer on Amazon for seven bucks. Look around, ask an employee. Best Buy was swamped so he went next door to Office Max. An employee walked right up to him, listened to what we needed and found it for him. $42. Gulp, but I was desperate and that as better than 140.

I should back up and mention that just before going to Gamma’s, I called Carol to ask what to do in Vista to get B’s laptop to recognize the ethernet. She told me, but also suggested turning off the power strip. She’s had to do that before when there’s crazy weather, which we have right now. Power everything down so it all comes back at the same time.

We did that but there was still no wireless so we left and that’s when B got my ethernet cable.

Of course I kept thinking about it the whole time I was at Gamma’s and figured out the reason my laptop was showing connection to the modem and not the router. Initially I had plugged directly into the modem. I think that’s when the laptop got confused. I then plugged into the router to attempt to access the router password.

When B picked me up, he said that when he got home, the wireless worked fine. Everything was fine. Ugh. It must have just needed more time after the power down.

Now the wireless works fine and I have a $42 ethernet cable. I can’t decide if I should return it, or hang on to it, since I’ve wanted to hardwire anyway. I can get one cheaper on Amazon, but I like the security of having the ethernet cable in my closet.

Long story short? If there’s weather and your wireless is hinky, power down, power it all down and give it time after you give it all juice again. That way you might not waste three hours on a Sunday and end up exhausted because you didn’t have your morning ritual.

Hey, at least now I know it’ll be simple to hardwire and I can do it myself if I ever so desire. 😉

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Filed under coffeeholic, fellowship, Gamma, gratitude, proud geek, techie tips, twitter me this, weather

#NaBloPoMo – My favorite pain reliever is Yoga

Yesterday I told myself not to talk myself out of going to the gym. I did just that this morning, but out of necessity. There was no way, with the amount of pain I was in, that I could get myself and Jayden ready, wait for paratransit, add more pain even though it would have been good pain. I knew exercise would be good, but it was Yoga I craved, not cardio and lifting weights.

I’ve only taken three Yoga classes in my life. Two at GDB on Tuesday nights and one here at Saavi. The classes at GDB were wonderful. Deep stretches with controlled breathing in silence with a few other people in the room. The one at Saavi was intense muscle toning Yoga with music and moving from one pose to the other with no regard for breath and it smelled like feet. Taking paratransit home afterwards killed any relaxing the stretches might have invoked.

I bought a CD of the Yoga class from the instructor at GDB and this is perfect for pain relief at home. It’s quiet in the house and Jayden insists on laying on the floor with me, which makes me smile.

I knew I needed this today. The level of my pain had reached a point last night that had me wishing I had a script for pot. I never enjoyed recreational pot back in my drinking days, but I sured loved it for migraines or cramps. So when my pain reaches critical mass, I start wishing for it.

Luckily, Yoga has the same effect. When I’m through with my hour long session, my pain is all but gone and my mind is relaxed. I feel so much better right now; it’s like night and day!

I had a neurologist tell me once there’s no pain with MS. Really? Do you have it? Yeah didn’t think so. I can’t even fully describe it, I don’t think. There’s muscle pain that just comes from being tense but there’s also nerve pain. Everywhere. Like when ice touches a nerve on a tooth, everywhere. Even touching a cat will hurt. It’s gotta be like fibromyalgia. I think the muscle pain is intensified because I’m blind now, being on high alert constantly, aware of my surroundings, moving about slowly especially when the pain is bad. There’s also of course just normal life stress that adds to that. My bones even hurt. I’m going to talk to my doc next month about the possibility of arthritis. Cold weather is better for the MS since it helps the nerves from inflaming, but cold adds to my physical pain since it tenses the muscles, so there’s really no win win, except that I’m in much less danger of a bad flair during cold weather.

When I first begin the Yoga, sitting on the chair hurts. I’m only on the chair briefly and as soon as the stretching and breathing begins, the pain begins to ebb. It’s rather miraculous, to be in that much pain and feel it start to dwindle away. Oh thank you Yoga, thank you!

I don’t rule out medical pot for my future, if it gets to the point where Yoga and massage don’t cut it anymore. I hope it never has to come to that, with my addictive nature. However I’d rather get hooked on medical pot than narcotics, so I’ll turn to the weed before the pill if it ever comes to that. For now though, Yoga is incredible and I need to do more of it, instead of just waiting until the pain gets this bad. It’s also free, doing it in my house, and there’s no travel afterwards, which is fantastic.

You know what else? After a massage or Yoga, I have a slight improvement in my vision. It’s not like I can see anything, but shadows are more apparent, the slats on my closet door become sharp. It’s like contrasts become more prevalent when I’m that relaxed. Weird, huh?

I highly recommend Yoga for chronic pain. I’m grateful I had two classes though, because I still remember things she told me about my form which is really good to know.

I’m so relaxed and pain free right now, so happy making.

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Filed under GDB, gratitude, Jayden, NaBloPoMo 2011, sobriety, spoons, weather, yoga

#NaBloPoMo – Hazy Nothings

I am completely exhausted today so I have no real brain power left for a post. How bout a nothing stream of consciousness post? Yeah why not.

It’s almost time to feed Jayden so this will be fragmented. An Offspring song is playing. Do you ever have a day where you’re in such a daze it almost feels like the day didn’t or isn’t happening? That’s how I feel today. I’m so tired.

I woke up in the middle of the night and was in so much pain I couldn’t get back to sleep. A storm system is moving out and the constant change in the weather lately is killing me. I haven’t been able to afford a massage since I think the beginning of Octoberish so ouch. Add all the cleaning I’ve done, moving furniture and scrubbing and ugh. It’s not pretty.

Thank goodness for the bum cushion. The pain would be world’s worse if I didn’t have that. Bum cushion? Yeah, I don’t feel like finding the link right now. Maybe by the time I go to publish this, I’ll go find it.

I think Silverchair is playing now. Yep, Silverchair.

Anyway, back to the hazy day. The hours seem thin, thinking back on them. The day doesn’t seem to have any substance, like trying to remember a dream. It’s like thinking back on my past and straining to remember what happened in a blackout. Ok it’s not THAT bad; I do remember today for the most part. I’m just so tired.

I had plans to go to Gamma’s today since we skipped Sunday due to weather. Oops, it’s Jay’s feeding time.

Ok so yeah, Gamma’s today. Gamma invited Aunt B too, so she picked me up. This morning I walked around like a zombie getting ready. I remember talking to Georgie on the phone, and discovering a product on Amazon didn’t have free shipping anymore. Sad making. If it doesn’t have free shipping, I don’t buy it. I remember almost falling over in the shower, on the curtain side not the wall side. That would have been bad.

Once we got to Gamma’s I was ok, just felt tired. Then Jayden kept me from running into a wall and he wasn’t even working. I had him on leash after taking him outside. I love it when he leash works.

After we ate and chatted Aunt B and I headed out. It was nice not to have to take paratransit as originally planned. Jayden kept me from falling off the steps of the front porch. Geez, I was so incredibly out of it.

Luckily I had prepared coffee before I left, sensing I’d practically need a coffee IV upon arriving home. I brewed it and then the afternoon gets really hazy. I don’t even really remember what I read online. I know I tested a site for someone on the accessibility list which I shouldn’t have done in such a state. Then ‘American Pie’ started playing and I remembered audio I promised for a Twitter friend. I don’t know how I even managed to do that. I suppose things you do on a regular basis can be done on auto pilot. I’ve literally felt stoned today and I absolutely despise that feeling.

It’s kinda funny if you saw me walk right now, all herby jerky, kinda like buffering audio. Funny when I’m not stuck on the scary. Times like these make me wonder if the MS is waking but I really think it’s just the perfect combo of ever changing weather, not sleeping well last night and built up pain from no massages in awhile. I think the gym will help tomorrow, if I don’t talk myself out of going. Don’t talk yourself out of going, tomorrow Ro.

I hear voices outside and Ozzy Osborne is singing.

Oh it’s two nights now with the veggie medley. So good, so so good. The cubed cheddar really adds just the perfect amount of flavor. It’s yummy. Tomorrow’s a weigh-in day though I really don’t expect two nights of eating veggies to make much of a difference. We shall see. I was 156 at the last weigh-in. Target of 150. So close, so so close.

A jet is flying over. I love that sound. Oh it’s rumbling! I can feel it in my stomach. Love it!

No more tears, sings Ozzy.

It’s 4:46 pm. Can I go to bed yet? Not for a few hours. I’m listening to a collection of short stories by Stephen King. Fun stuff. One of them referred to a thirty two year old woman is being in early middle age. Early middle age? Ouch. I’m thirty-two. Early middle age? Oh well, at least I’ll always picture myself at twenty-nine. I think I will get relevant links for this post. It’s the least I can do. I’m not THAT hazy. I really do feel like I’m trying to recount a dream, thinking about my day today. It’s like trying to hold water in your hands.

Just added the two links. Now the sentences about not finding the links don’t make sense. But they shall stay since it’s my blog and I’ll leave them if I want to. Stone Temple Pilots are singing now. I need to do another audio blog. Got lots of good response to that. I didn’t get any comments on the, oh great we need another link, playing with Jayden audio I did yesterday.

Who’s this singing now, I can’t tell. Siri? Siri where are you? Oh right, I don’t have you. Alex, check iTunes please, who’s this? Aerosmith? Wow, this is very early Aerosmith. Doesn’t sound like them.

I’m gonna go listen for typos and see if anything else comes to mind.

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Filed under Alex, Amazon, apple Inc, coffeeholic, family, Gamma, humor as coping skill, intelligent disobedience, Jayden, music, NaBloPoMo 2011, spoons, The Nothing, twitter me this, weather, working dog, youtube

#NaBloPoMo – Doggy Diaries – Trash and laundry, robo and canine

There was a discussion on Twitter recently about robotic guide dogs. There was a link, but I didn’t click it. A robotic guide dog? No thanks. The discussion was interesting though, what if it rains, what if the battery dies. I couldn’t help but think about Scott Westerfeld’s “Leviathan” series. Which is better, machine or beastie? It’s a brilliant series of books. You should read them if you like alternate histories and fantastical creations.

Anyway, back to the robo dog. There’s no way a robo dog could intuit when you want the trash vs. the laundry. You would have to give it a command all the time. Sure, you might have to give a dog the command too, left or right etc, but I’m pretty sure most of them begin to read your mind. Ask any guide dog handler and they’ll tell you it’s true.

What amazes me about Jayden and has for awhile now, is that when I’m dragging the laundry cart behind me, he needs no cues. He knows right where to go. As soon as the cart comes out in fact, he gets excited. He takes the “dry” out of laundry, that’s for sure. His excitement makes it less of a chore and more of an outing, until it’s time to put the clothes away that is.

We had stopped taking the trash out, leaving it to the man of the house, after Jayden took me to the neighbor’s house one day after I tossed the bag. I was stuck with my handled trash can. I never just carry a bag in case I have to set it down in a hurry. I felt terrible because the neighbor lady wanted to chat and I had laundry I had to get back to. This must have been months ago now. I don’t think I blogged about it so I can’t remember.

Anyway, doing all the cleaning required trips to the trash so I finally decided to let Jayden take me again. I did some patterning after we tossed each load, using the trash can as a kind of cane, feeling the curb and pointing us in the right direction. Eventually he took me straight home and rekindled my confidence in the route.

Here’s where my amazement really kicked in. One day I had several loads of junk and didn’t fancy taking them one by one with the trash can. So I got the laundry cart out and loaded it with two bags. Hey, at least it cut the trips in half. As usual, Jay got excited when the cart came out and I expected him to try and go to the laundry which is the opposite direction of the trash.

He knew I had trash bags!

With no verbal or physical cue from me he went right to the trash even though I was dragging the laundry cart. This might seem small, but for the proud guide dog handler, this was exhilarating. I love to see his mind working. It’s almost like you witness new paths forming in their brain. I could almost hear him thinking, “she didn’t sort all those clothes first.”

When I did laundry next, I wondered if he’d want to go to the last destination the cart had travelled to. Why did I even doubt? The boy took me right to the laundry. There were more trips to the trash, but never both on the same day. See what I’m leading up to?

Tell me, would a robo dog take you to the laundry with your cart full of clothes and sheets and then an hour later, take you right to the trash with the cart loaded with two trash bags and a box? I think not.

That’s exactly what Jayden did today. After the laundry was put away I decided to haul the last bit of trash from the cleaning adventures. Without missing a beat my boy turned in the direction of the trash with no cues from me. What a smart dog!

We spent lots of time outside today since it was beautiful out. We decided to take a walk after the clothes were put in the dryer which worked out well since the electric bill needed dropping off. We can no longer use the outgoing mail slot since people break into it. Thanks, idiot people. Then again, outgoing mail, the one thing we mail a month, is a great excuse for a trip to the office so maybe I should thank the idiot people. Until summer that is, and then the man of the house can take it down in the heat. 😉

My boy is curled up on the couch after his great work today. If I knelt in front of him, he’d give me a kiss. Robo dog? Fah!

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Filed under Doggy Diaries, gratitude, guide dogs, Jayden, laundry, NaBloPoMo 2011, twitter me this, weather, working dog, wow