I haven’t left the house since Wednesday. My Friday O & M lesson was rescheduled for last Wednesday, and I didn’t go to Gamma’s on Sunday as usual, because B had been sick and I’ve been under the weather, but couldn’t tell if it was sick or spoons.
I felt like a mack truck hit me (the motorized kind, not the Apple kind, weak attempt at a joke there, but it didn’t work) this morning, and wanted to take the computer into bed, B stayed home, and was still sleeping.
then he got up and remembered that we needed to look at the renewal notice for my medical benefits.
I’m on Arizona’sversion of Medicaid. They send out renewal notices like every 6 months, to try and catch people abusing the system. I think this is rediculous to do for those of us on disability, who are only using this insurance while we wait for Medicare. My income hasn’t changed. There are no cost of living increases in the works, so why do they need proof of income? If I were making under the table money, which I’m not, I could just as easily lie about it, even with the 6 month renewal, which I wouldn’t do because I’m too damned honest. This came off as a rant, and I am completely getting off my first point of this post, but this whole thing leads to that.
Anyway.
B looked at it and said I need proof of income. Social Security sends out a letter once a year. I don’t have a current letter, because I had to use it to do my taxes. I never thought to get the paper back. Note to future self, keep that paper and guard it with your life.
I called my friend who did my taxes to see if she still had it, because I couldn’t remember if I had had it for my last renewal. Anyway, I had snapped at B and called my friend and before I even asked how she was doing I went in to asking about the form.
I was in full panic mode. Tears were threatening. I have till Friday to get the info in, and B and I had forgotten the stupid thing because he was sick as a dog all weekend, and most everything out of sight out of mind for me. I absolutely have to develop some kind of system. In my sighted days, I would put this stuff in a certain place so I would see it. I need to do something. Blinks, any suggestions?
So I’m talking to my friend, oh hell I’ve said her name here before and its a common name so enough innuendo. I’m talking to Carol and she’s been through all this herself, so she tells me to calm down, , we can take care of it all this week at the local offices. Ok. deep breath. Calming down. Its so nice to hear Carol’s voice. A human voice. Not Alex, no matter how human he sounds.
We had just started chatting about a photo in a magazine of a woman with really hairy legs when my Grandma called. And then she called again. Oh no. She’s calling twice in a row. what happened. I answer. She called about this restaurant she had called about Thanksgiving dinner. I told her I was worried because she called twice in a row. She said I didn’t answer and my voicemail didn’t come on. So we talked about Thanksgiving and I told her about the stupid paperwork and then B came in and gave me a hug and was gonna go check the mail and I said I was calling Carol back.
Long explanation just to get to the point of calling Carol. But I felt like I needed to explain why I called, because if it hadn’t been for the stupid paperwork, I wouldn’t have called her, or anyone.
My friend Nancy warned me, way back before I had my computer, to make sure once I got my computer, to not dissolve into it. she said she’d seen that. Blinks getting computers and then never leaving the house, because really, you kinda don’t have to, and the last 5 days have proven that to me.
I didn’t stay home and isolate on purpose, like I sometimes do when the spoons are low, or I’m feeling blue. It just happened.
In fact I had gotten so busy, that I welcomed the break, but I’ve changed in the last month and a half. I used to love not leaving the house for a week. But then I made the decision to get a guide dog, and I started changing my lifestyle accordingly.
I’ve been doing Saavi 3 days a week, and then catching up on spoons and chores on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So when the schedule got messed up and I was suddenly home, I think it shocked my system.
I’ve learned that I have less bad MS days the more active I am, as long as I’m only active for a few hours here and there, and not every day. And when I sit on the computer for 5 days straight, and only talk to people through a synthesized voice, I forget how nice it is to laugh and hear another laugh.
Don’t get me wrong. The fellowship I am building on blogger is one of the best things to happen to me since going blind. I will never ever quit this. But if I don’t leave the house every other day or so, and if I retreat into the computer like this on a repeated basis, I’m going to slip right back in to the depression I was in when I first went blind.
Thats one of things I like about eventually having a guide dog. Having a reason to get up and out and get fresh air and sunshine. I must be lacking Vitamin D something awful, and that is the cheery vitamin, after all.
So if you notice I’m not blogging about anything outside the house, please give me a cyber slap across the forehead.
Back to life tomorrow. Hoping I’m not sick, so I can go to choir. And maybe to get the paperwork done. And maybe a meeting. My friend Kevin is in town and we had tentative plans to hit a meeting tomorrow. We’ll see what happens.
I need to commit to more phone time, and more face time, with friends, female friends and not just B, even though he’s a great guy, I need my girls.
