(If anyone knows where I got my title, minus the doggy diaries post, you’re awesome)
The summer after I went blind, there was a terrible storm. I had gone into the bedroom to watch tv and B was out in the living room. I heard a distant roll of thunder and came out to tell him he might want to shut the computer down. This was long before I had my Apple. Before we knew it, the storm was upon us. The rain began lashing at the bedroom window. The thunder came in booming claps, one after another. I was in my element; I loved thunderstorms. I used to turn all the lights out at night and watch the storms coming in over the mountains, and I had so been looking forward to watching from the new view of the apartment B and I got together. But alas, no joy in watching lightening over the mountains. All I had then was the sudden claps of thunder with no flash for warning.
As I lay there, the wind began to howl. It whistled in my ears as though coming from all directions. I couldn’t take it anymore and was about to throw myself into B’s arms when, as I left the bedroom and heard him going into the spare room after the cats, I heard glass shatter from that direction and the door to the room slam shut.
I hit my knees, screaming. I didn’t know where B was. I didn’t know where the cats were. I couldn’t see if there was damage, if the roof had blown off. B was there, at my side, telling me he was ok, all the cats accounted for. The wind continued to howl as the wals of the apartment kept it from entering, kept it from getting us.
B went to investigate and found that the window had blown in. The screen was intact, but the glass had shattered, the strength of it slamming the door shut. I was sobbing. Still on my knees. Sobbing. But there were no tears. I have never experienced that. Sobbing with no tears. I was on the verge of an anxiety attack and remembered what B had told me the first time I had one. Don’t try and control your breathing. It passed.
I shakily got to my feet and sat on the couch, wind howling, thunder clapping, rain lashing. B was on the phone with his boss, his voice quivering as he told he wouldn’t be in the next day, he wouldn’t leave me alone with no window. Next he called the emergency maintenence number for the apartments, and the management company said glass was out all over the city. They’d send someone the next day. Our maintenence guy came out the next morning and boarded the window until the glass people arrived.
So, I don’t like wind. After that, a gust of wind would send me cowering into the confines of my bathroom. Last summer I actually took the Apple into the bathroom. I listened to baseball in the bedroom hunkered down between the bed and the dresser.
Why is this under a doggy diaries post, you might ask. Well, because I didn’t want that fear transferring to Jayden. I have forced myself to cope with wind. Today, all day, the wind has sounded like wild waves pounding a rocky shore. All day long the wind has blown, gusted, whistled. And I’m fine. I even groomed Jayden outside in the wind this morning. I’ve left the door open all day so he can enjoy looking outside. When wind shook Gamma’s house, I just said wow. I didn’t cower. I didn’t huddle. I didn’t panic.
I can’t guarantee how monsoon season will be, but I can say this. Jayden is so much more than a guide dog. He has cured my fear of wind, at least for today. My love for him puts my fears second. Because of him I am not afraid. I never expected this gift. I love my guide dog so, so much!