Category Archives: Fi

From the Desk of my Sleep Deprived Cat Audio

So every time I write a sleep deprived post, which is a really odd tradition to have but I seem to have made it a tradition because as soon as I decided to say screw it and get up at 5:30 this morning after laying awake since at least 4:00 I thought, I’ll need to write a post. I also always seem to write really rambly run on sentences in these. I planned on starting this post another way but then a described movie started in iTunes even though I swear I set them all to skip when shuffle so I had to go do that in iTunes. It was The Glenn Miller Story, have you seen that?

Right, so I meant to start off this post by saying I always look back on the previous sleep deprived post when I write one of these. In the last one, I wrote about how I had to have a colonoscopy because of my recurring diverticulitis and I was all doom and gloom about it, being pretty sure there’d be nothing they could do about it, that they were just ruling out something more serious, my life was already messed up so throw more at me oh woe is me cry me a river pour me another. Well guess what? Yeah, gastro doc said, “everything looks fine, you only have a small area of diverticula, keep taking the fiber and probiotics and you should be fine.”

Hmmm, will it really be that simple? Well that was back in April, the bum hose and I’ve been taking the supplements as suggested since and I’ve been fine. I even found the probiotics he recommended on Amazon for way cheaper than they were at Walgreens. I signed up to have them delivered every month and saved even more. So all my woe is me talk was just silly.

So this morning I was laying on the couch for a bit with Timmy and he was purring like crazy so I decided to grab a quick voice note.

In that I mention that his front paws are declawed and I say I don’t believe in that. I just want to clarify what I meant. I just can’t knowingly cut off a cat’s first knuckle. My mom and I always trained our cats not to claw the furniture. I’ve lost that battle in this apartment since B never trained Fi not to claw furniture so there was no point in trying to train Spinelli. So yeah, that’s what I meant by not believing in declawing. When I listened back on that I thought that was an odd choice of wording haha.

At one point I jingle Timmy’s bell collar and it made me think of Carin and Steve. Bells!

Timmy totally sounds like a pidgin at one point. I’m not sure if it’s really as funny as I thought or if I’m just delirious from sleep deprivation.

I totally couldn’t stop the recording at the end. the ol’ two finger double tap no longer works in iOS 7.0.3 I guess.

So how bout that for some sleep deprived fun with cats? First time I’ve put audio in one of these I think. I haven’t slept well the last few nights. Nature calls and wakes me up and I can’t get back to sleep for awhile. This morning I just gave up. I realized after I’d already had coffee that I forgot to use my meditation bells. Gah! Reading that last post, I sure remembered them then! Grrr. Just hope I sleep tonight.
I wrote this post much later in the day than normal for this category. It’s 1:33pm, do you know where your feet are?

I write the word “so” too much.

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Filed under Amazon, cats, coffeeholic, doc, Fi, iPhone, iTunes, mom, plugs, random stuff, silly girl, Sleep Deprived Fun, Timmy

A Letter to Fifty-Three Year-Old Me

Writing the letter to my fourteen year-old self was fun. The writing prompt I took the idea from said to follow it up the next day with a letter to myself in twenty years. I didn’t give it much thought until it was the next day and the thought of the future was too scary. I think today I am ready to do this since two fictional worlds I’ve dived into recently are more scary (hopefully) than twenty years from now will be.

So, fifty-three year old Ro, I hope you are alive to read this. If you are not fifty- three year-old Ro, meaning you are Ro and not fifty-three yet, don’t read this. You can’t read this until November 11, 1032. Oh wow.

Oh and readers, you should leave a comment. If this blog is still here in twenty years, hopefully it is, your comments will be in a time capsule of sorts haha!

Dear fifty-three year-old Ro,

Wow, so did I make it this long? Mom didn’t make it to fifty-three so if I’m reading this in twenty years I better be grateful. Remember how you thought you’d never see thirty because of how crazy your life was and then you literally didn’t see thirty because you went blind at twenty-nine? Yeah, I still think that’s funny today. Do you still find it funny in twenty years? I hope so, because without humor there’s just no point.

Do you need a refresher of what life was like for you at thirty-three? Well, I’ve been with B for just over five and a half years now. Are we still together in twenty years? If we are, what is he like? Did he ever start eating vegetables? I know, that’s probably a really stupid question. My three best friends are Carol, Chupa and Georgie. How are they? Ok I’m misting up thinking about these people in twenty years. Do you remember being convinced that everyone would die before you and you would be left alone in this scary world? That was only like two months ago, before I started Lexapro. Thinking about the people I love the most and how it will be in twenty years is starting to freak me out. It’s a good thing I’m medicated.

What about Erik? He’s my only friend who’s younger than I am. Only by a few months but still. How is he? I hope you are still in touch with him. We’ve been friends so long and there has always been gaps where we lose touch. Although ever since I went blind and started using my Macbook, we haven’t lost touch, so I hope in twenty years we’re still close.

Ok, so speaking of my Mac, what is technology like? Do people have stuff implanted in them yet? I always imagine little nano chips for phones and stuff. I mean seriously, the technology has to be amazing in twenty years! Or is it scary? Has it gotten out of control? It could go that route too. Right now you have an iPhone 4 running iOS 6.0.1. The latest iPhone is the 5. What is the iPhone in twenty years? Do you have an iPhone? Has any other phone ever rivaled the accessibility of the iPhone? I have a Macbook they don’t even make anymore. I was almost completely out of space on it so I started converting videos to mp3. What do you have in twenty years? Do they even make laptops anymore? Do they use wires at all? I can’t imagine there would be wires anymore. Am I right?

What animals do you have? Right now I have Jayden and Timmy and Spinelli and Fi. I can’t think about the future without them.

Are you still blind? Did they figure out how to give you new optic nerves? If so, did you get them? As of right now, I can’t imagine seeing again. I’m so used to things the way they are, so I don’t know if I would try anything to see again. I remember when I first went blind I wanted more than anything to see again, even just a little bit. I was ready to get on a plane and go to the UK where they were experimenting with a cancer drug that helped MS patients regain lost functions. Now though? I couldn’t imagine testing a drug. It’s a scary thought. So what have you done in twenty years?

I’m afraid to think about what the MS has done to me in twenty years. It’s impossible to think about my future self though without wondering about that. I won’t think about that now. Maybe you’re reading this in twenty years and smiling because nothing horrible has happened. Is that too much to ask for?

There really isn’t much more to write. There isn’t much to say to a future self beyond asking questions. I can say I hope you are as happy as I am today. Though I hope you are happier. I’m happy, but I could be happier. I just hope you aren’t less happy. I hope you’re still sober, though obviously when it comes to that I can’t really think beyond today. If you’re sober and still smoke free and at least as happy as I am now, then you’ve got it good.

Oh hey wait, I have to ask, is there equality? Have people finally quit being so damned uptight about gay marriage? Has racism and bigotry finally really gone away? Do women still have freedom over their own bodies? Has the insanity over birth control gone away? Did people start finally focusing on the real problems? God I hope so. If there isn’t more love an acceptance in twenty years, how are you managing?

I’m reading “The Handmaid’s Tale”, do you remember reading that book? It’s incredibly depressing. It’s what could happen if the crusty old white guys don’t stop wanting to control the female body. It’s terrifying. I hope it’s nothing like this in twenty years because if it’s going to go down that path, I hope the Mayans were right. If they were right, you won’t be reading this in twenty years, no one will.

Ok wow, this turned very doom and gloom. I was afraid this would happen when I thought about writing this letter. Writing to fourteen year-old me was fun because I don’t fear the past and because I knew what happened. This letter is nothing but fear of the unknown and my dwindling hope for a happy future.

I guess my only hope is that there’s just more love in the future. There has to be, or the future is grim grim grim.

I should end this on a happy note. Hmmm, happy. So have the Rays won a World Series or five? Ten? How long did Evan Longoria stay? Please tell me he didn’t end up with Boston or New York. What about David Price? Did I ever meet any of them? How are all my online friends? I don’t want to start naming them all because that’s a lot and I’m sure I’d end up leaving someone out.

One last question, what kind of voice are you listening to on your Mac? I can only assume you still use a screen reader and a Mac. Is it still Alex or have they made new voices that are just as good? Knowing Apple, they probably use human speech in twenty years haha. Ok, I just heard my DM ping. I think that’s my cue to wrap this up.

I hope this letter finds you well , my fifty-three year-old self! Oh, happy early birthday!


Thirty-three year-old Ro

PS – Do they have replicators and/or transporters yet? Did you ever publish anything?


Filed under accessibility, Adjustment to blindness, Alex, apple Inc, assistive technologies, baseball, cool product, evan longoria, fellowship, Fi, humor as coping skill, I might be a writer, in the news, iPhone, Jayden, letters, mental health, misty eyes, mom, My story, NaBloPoMo 2012, on this date, politics, proud geek, screen reader, silly girl, sobriety, Spinelli, spoons, Timmy, twitter me this

Another cat got out on me! Or did she?

This morning I took Jayden out before beginning the wait for our ride to the gym. When we were headed back in the house, Jayden kind of paused at the sliding glass door, which he never does. The only other time he paused at the door was way back when he helped Timmy escape, thus beginning Timmy’s reign of human hostage taking before I took revenge and made him beep at my command.

Jayden’s sudden pause at the doorway gave me an instant flashback of escaping cats, but I knew Timmy and Spinelli were in the bedroom with the door closed. That left Fi, our elder statesman cat who is about eighteen years old.

B would kill me. He’s had that cat for years and years and years. I left the screen shut on the door as I called Fi’s name around the apartment. Oh no, oh no, she’s never been an easy cat to track. She doesn’t come when called, none of the tricks I used to use on Timmy would fool her, where is she, did she get out? Paratransit will be here soon. She couldn’t have gotten out. She’s never tried it before.

I went back to the door to close it up when I heard meowing. Fi, you brat, you did get out.

I knelt down and opened the door and she slid past me, my hand trailing her side. Was that Fi? She felt a little different. Had to be. Sounded like her.

I finished getting ready, harnessed Jayden and sat on the floor with him to wait for our ride. Fi sidled up for some love like she does sometimes when I’m on the floor. Paratransit came and Jayden and I went to the gym.

A few hours later we arrived home and I took Jayden outside. As we were coming back in, he paused at the door again. I closed the screen before going inside and told Jayden he didn’t have to pause at that door, just every other door. As I opened the door I told him inside and he went in quickly.

I stepped back outside for a minute and as I did, I felt a cat brush passed my legs. Fi!! She didn’t go far before; she came right back and howled at the door in fact. I left the bedroom door closed, right? I went back in to check. Door closed. I hurried inside the room, shutting the door behind me to make sure Timmy and Spinelli were both inside and they were.

I went back to the screen door and called for Fi. I went outside and listened. B has taken Fi outside a few times and she just stays on the patio and rolls. I heard nothing.

I came back inside to call Gamma as I always do upon arriving home. She launched into a story about a friend of hers and I walked around the apartment trying to hear Fi anywhere.

Finally I heard the tiny sounds of crunching food. Timmy and Spinelli were still in the bedroom, lounging on the bed. That had to be Fi.

Relief flooded through me as I felt Fi by the cat food. I was sure it was her this time, being able to touch her longer.

So who then, had just gotten out of the apartment?

The whole time, all I could think about was the eHarmony cat girl. Maybe I should tell her there’s a nice stray around here, if she wants it.


Filed under cats, Fi, Gamma, Jayden, Spinelli, Timmy

Pooch Ponderings – Can we keep him?

Last night mom looked for Timmy so I could pee. Dad said we were both by the door. I love the door. Not the one that blocks but the one I can see through. Dad went over and got Timmy and put him in the room with my bed. Mom put my leash on and I was wiggling and wagging and couldn’t wait to go outside. There was a new friend out there!!!!! Let me see him mom let me smell him and play pleeeeeese!!!!

Mom told dad something must be out there cuz I was so excited. She opened the door and I tried to pull her down the sidewalk but she’s too strong darnit. Dad came to the door and mom told him she heard something but didn’t know if it was a person or not so dad came outside and then he said to get back inside and mom was gathering in my leash and holding it close and I couldn’t dilly dally like I usually do when she wants to go inside because oh man did she sound scared and I could feel her all tense and stuff through my stupid leash and she was pulling hard. I just wanted to meet my new friend. Oh well.

We came inside and mom and dad were giggling really funny and she hung on to him and asked what it was and dad just kept saying piggy. Piggy piggy down by my car. Mom kinda melted like I did on the bus thing at the school place and she was on the floor breathing hard and giggling and said where there’s one there’s twenty, oh boy twenty piggies, twenty friends!!! Dad knelt down and kept saying piggy and I looked out at Piggy. Weird name. Then Spinelli came to the door and Fi too and dad asked them if they saw the piggy.

A little while later I had lost interest but my stupid leash was on and mom was still on the floor asking dad how I was gonna pee so dad went outside for a bit and came back and said it looked clear. Mom said he had better go out with us so he did but I just stood on the sidewalk wondering where Piggy was. Also dad was right there and I hate to pee if anyone’s there. Dad walked down the sidewalk so I finally peed and then dad came back and mom kept saying her legs were jello whatever that means.

We came back in and mom took off my leash and closed the blocker door. Oh well. I guess Piggy isn’t my new friend.

Mom and dad were both still giggling and mom kept making funny noises and dad asked if she could smell it and she said no and I’m like what??? Piggy smelled awesome! Then mom said, “this time it really was a monster.” So was my friend’s name Piggy or Monster? Mom calles Timmy the monster sometimes. I’m so confused.


Filed under desert life, Doggy Diaries, Fi, Jayden, NaBloPoMo 2010, pooch ponderings, Spinelli, Timmy

Doggy Diaries – First day so far

Ah to be home. Jayden slept through the night, as did I haha. B came in at one point and touched me and I woke up asking if we were at school haha!! He said no you’re home and your dog is asleep right there. Phew. Then I went back to sleep. Oh did my bed feel wonderful. I guess Timmy was the only cat to sleep with us last night. The other two are still hiding. I found Spinelli in her hiding place this morning and said hi and she sniffed me, hissed and left. Then a bit later she came into the bathroom and then ran when I touched her. She and Fi are acting just like Timmy and Fi acted when Spinelli came home, so I’m sure they’ll adjust. Earlier when I was on the computer, Jay was at my feet and Timmy was sitting on the couch with me.

When I got up I went and started the coffee and started waking up. Just like at school, Jay was on tie down for a bit but then he did his “I have to pee” whimper so I took him out and he went immediately. Then I fed him and he was happy. Then I offered a cup of water and unlike at school, he drank it up. He’s pretty low energy today and my mind tries to tell me he’s ot happy but I’m sure he’s just tired after all the craziness the last two days, like I am. He still licks my face a lot and is fine, just hasn’t wanted to play. We did obedience this morning and he was a champ. So fun to do that without being watched. I showed B last night just briefly hehe.

I must have brought the rain with me because it’s cold and rainy here. Lovely. I can’t wait to get out there and work him a bit but not in this weather. As soon as it clears up I’m gonna take him and my cane and the clicker and start mapping the dumpster haha!! As of now I’m not comfortable going there after trying it last night. I need to know where that curb is that he thinks is an obstacle, so I’ll click that and then the dumpster. He already knew where to go for home last night. He kinda stopped in front of our path as though not sure and I said, yep and he went right there. I can’t wait to do some other stuff.

I walked him around the house a little and then I needed a shower. I think it was the fastest shower ever haha! I went back into the bedroom and he pawed my feet and licked my face like, you left, but you’re back. Now he’s totally stretched out on the floor, laying on my left foot. The blinds are open to the sliding door, so he can see outside. B had been leaving it open for the cats, and I’m sure glad he told me last night that they were open or I wouldn’t have known haha!

So, so far so good. I wish the weather was nicer, but it’s probably good that I’m not jumping in to things today. I’m still exausted, but so anxious to work him around here, alone, without the shadows we had at school. Now that we’re alone, I’m not second guessing myself at all. I know I know what to do and I’m just doing it. It’s rather nice.

Not sure what the rest of the day will look like. He doesn’t like the pop up crate so I definitely want to get a kennel. I think I’ll enlist Kevin this week since he has a truck and time, though I’m wondering how I’ll get Jay in the truck. Hmmm. It’s kinda high up. We’ll see. I’m also a little freaked out about Jay riding in cars. I’m not so worried about B because I know and trust his driving, and it’s not like I don’t trust others’ driving but it still freaks me out. One thing at a time, and I’ll take things as slow as I need. Jayden is a very valuable dog so I’ll trust my gut on that one.

My cell phone just rang but it’s in the other room. I’m sure everyone is excited to talk to me but I’m taking the phone slow too haha. I’m starting to feel really tired. A nap may be in order and I can actually do that now sweet!

Oh yeah, I need to change the header on the blog again. Hmmm.

Just read through this and wanted to clarify that Jayden wouldn’t be in the back of the truck haha! When I read that it sounded like I might put him in the back of the truck, but no worries there; I would never do that.


Filed under cats, Doggy Diaries, Fi, Jayden, Spinelli, spoons, Timmy, transitioning, weather

Doggy Diaries – Home at last

I’m sitting on my bed, which is new for me with the laptop lol. But, I’m not all set back up the way I normally am, and I have Jayden’s tie down spot here in my room. He’s got his fleece next to my big oak dresser, pretty perfect for the tie down. The school sent us home with one so I’ve got it wrapped around the leg. Jay will be on leash or on tie down for about two months, as the school recommends. So he’s totally passed out on his fleece. I was sitting next to him on the floor, much more comfortable than at school now that I’m not on tile. I need to get a big pillow to prop up against the wall lol. I had turned the tv on and was holding his bone while he chewed it. B came in and one of the cats, Fi, who’s been hiding was on the bed so I said hi to her and Jay fell asleep, so I got my laptop. It remembered it’s old internet without flaw haha.

So this morning went really well. I had set my clock for 4:45 but forgot that my watch was on Arizona time, so it went off at 3:45 California time. I lay there and couldn’t get back to sleep so I just relaxed until it was actually 4:45. I got up and did the last of the packing, not much. I took Jay out to relieve and he did both and I’m sure he was wondering why I forgot to feed him. I packed his fleece last and loaded the bus for San Fran. There were three of us leaving on the late bus. Everyone else left at 5 yuck. We left at 6:15, actually 6:10 and we joked that we three were always on time so we were glad we were on the bus together.

Darren pulled up to USAir first and did curbside check in. 64 bucks to check my two bags, sheesh. The school tried to give me money for it but I declined. They were so generous; I could pay for my own luggage.

I waited for the escort and she found us and I did human guide and heeled Jay. He did great. Plenty of people tried to say hi but I would hear them and feel him veer and say “no Jayden” and the people would stop. The escort helped me to security and I took out the laptop and took off my shoes and all that jazz. I heeled Jay through the metal detector and told the security agent we’d beep and they could pat us down, so they did with no problems and we were on our way.

The escort took me to the ladies room. Lucky I got a woman. On the way out, the escorts were men and I didn’t need the restroom. This time I did and had a woman, lucky. Then she took me over to buy a bottle of water and then took me to the gate. Jay and I sat awhile as we were there really early and no gate people were even there yet. I was starting to get figity but Jayden did great. I heard a man say something about “sitting next to the dog”. He did not try talking to me. I wondered what he was thinking. Then I heard a woman say, “my favorite passenger”. I looked her way and said me or the dog? She asked his name and asked to pet him and I let her. She only touched him briefly and he didn’t even get up. She said she was the flight attendant and trained dogs in her spare time. Just fun training, not guide dog training. Then she said I could go ahead and board with her even though they weren’t even doing pre-boarding haha! She said it would just be the flight attendents, but that way we could get settled.

So she took us to our bulk head seat and I loved it. Lots of leg room. I had the window and I put my right leg so that Jay would only be able to go that far. Then the flight attendent was like, oh let him stretch out, we’ll move the other passengers, it’s not a full flight. Sweet!! So we had the whole row to ourselves. She told me to ask if I needed anything and all the flight attendents came over to say hi and marvel at his beauty. Oh yeah, a man at security said Jay is the most beautiful lab he’s ever seen. Proud mama hehe!

I told the flight attendent I wouldn’t need anything but a cup of coffee when she was serving. She asked how I’d take it, I told her black, and she brought me some to drink while everyone loaded. Sure that wasn’t first class?

After we took off, Jay slept through the whole thing, completely sprawled out, I had to use the restroom, darned coffee. So a flight attendent took us to the first class bathroom. I held Jay’s collar because the first class peeps were eating. Then the flight attendent held him right outside and I talked to him through the door. She said he did great. We went back, and he curled up on my feed, made himself into a tiny little ball right on my feet. It had to be because I’d left him for 3 minutes because the boy loves to sprawl. That flight went great and then we landed in Pheonix. So close, so close.

We seemed to taxi forever. I was beginning to worry I’d miss my flight. Typically when you need assistence, you’re the first and last to get on and off the plane. But a passenger heard me tell Jay we might miss our flight and she said she’d tell the flight attendent who came and got me.

Another female escort and I had time to visit the ladies *again*. Got to the gate and the guy sat me and said he’d come get me. Jay was so patient. He was getting kibble here and there this whole time.

So the little commuter plane took forever to reach the gate so we were slightly delayed and I was getting antsy. Then we finally boarded and Jay instantly curled up right by my feet again. It’s like he knew it’d be a full flight. The girl next to me was a tennis player from England. Cool. Then there was this horrid noise and nothing was happening and finally the pilot came on and said something like “the air compressor isn’t strong enough to start the plane. As soon as the plane starts, we’ll be on our way.” Seriously? Car trouble leaving home, plane trouble going home?

After what seemed like forever we started to taxi. It was getting warm in the plane and the tennis player kept saying it was warm. I asked if there were those air blowers and we both turned them on. Finally we took off. I had kibble ready in case Jay freaked but he kept sleeping. The ride was turbulant. But short. It’s a twenty minute flight. It would have been faster if B had just picked me up there.

Finally we were decending with more turbulance. The landing was really smooth though. The tennis player told me we were about to touch down, now, now, ok, now haha. We both said it was a really smooth landing.

Everyone got off and then it was our turn and the escort took me to baggage claim and I told hi my boyfriend was getting me. He said, oh someone recognizes you and there was B. Oh to hug him! Yay! It’s B!! And he was like, dog! Hahaha. He knelt down and said hi to Jay and Jay licked him. Then B got my luggage and we were off. I told him I’d work Jay since B was carrying my duffel and suitcase, so I just directed Jay towards where I heard B. Of course I land to rain. I leave rain for sun and land to rain. It wasn’t quite raining yet, but the wind was blowing. B said Jay was getting me around poles. Poles? Had no idea poles were there.

We neared the car and B said, over here Jayden, and I was like, don’t talk to him, lol! We loaded up the car, I got in and called Jay and he hopped in and settled at my feet. Kibble kibble.

Then the storm hit. B said hardly any visibility. Winter storm watch. Joy.

We get home and B starts taking stuff in and it’s raining lightly and I I try to direct Jay to where I thought I’d relieve him but we just kinda walked until I felt gravel and he urinated. I heard B’s alarm on his car and shouted his name. He came over since I didn’t know where we were and he had gotten worried since he couldn’t see us.

We came in and the cats scattered and I walked Jay around a little and then unpacked his fleece and made the tie down spot and he was like, yay my fleece! I then got his bone and he was like yay my bone!

I think I started unpacking and oh yeah B had gotten coffee ready so I could just hit the button so I drank coffee and talked to Gamma, texted Dad and my Uncle and Facebook and then said goodbye to the phone.

Timmy finally felt ok to come say hi when Jay was on tie down so I loved him up. Fi and Spinelli are still hiding. I’m sure they’ll get used to it. Jay and Timmy have already said hi and Jayden lunged at him once and got a NO! and a leash correction and a sit and he’s been fine ever since and calm when Timmy approaches.

B went and got dinner and Jay curled up next to me while I ate and was a good boy. Kibble kibble.

I took him out to relieve and B followed and I followed the path I took with my cane and Jay stopped at all the right places. Kibble kibble!

The place is too akward though, so I’m gonna relieve him closer to the apartment until I can do some clicker training on this landmark curb I need him to show me. He thought it was an obstacle so he just went around it.

I can’t wait to do all that! So fun! And so glad B got to see us work already. Fun stuff. I’m so glad to be home and can’t wait to crash in my own bed. Oh yeah fed Jayden his dinner and he was happy. I’ll relieve again soon and then zzzz.

Home! Yay!


Filed under cats, coffeeholic, Doggy Diaries, Fi, Jayden, jayden quirks, Spinelli, Timmy

Doggy school – Dog Day 2

Ok here is what I wrote while I was waiting. I know this is going out of order, but oh well. And as with the other journal posts I’m leaving in typos so this is exactly how I wrote it.


We had a lecture on meeting your dog and then the instructors took their sweet time coming to tak to us. they went around the room and gave everyone theier dog’s names. three no four people were ahead of me and there were some funky names, thats for sure. one guy asked if he could change it and then kept talking. they gave another lady her dog’s name and then they got to me.

you will be receiving a yellow labrador male named Jayden. J-a-y-d-e-n.

Wow! Jay jay, jay, jayden. I kept whispering the name. Jayden. Yellow male. Jayden, wow!

Then it was time to go back to our rooms and wait. So Here I am. Waiting. My door is open, I hear a vacuum, people talking, footsteps. I wonder how long I’ll wait? They are taking me to an instructor’s office to meet Jayden. So I just wait. I’m not calling anyone. I thought about texting Carin or calling friends or family or B but I just want this time to myself, to listen, to write. Jayden. I’m not crying yet. I feel a little misty. Will I cry when I meet him? I just heard an instructor say Gary are you eady? I think they’re starting. Who are they taking? I just heard another classmate say his dog’s name.

Oh man. Jayden. Lala. I hear people. Gootsteps. They pssed my room.

I have my leash around my neck and my treat pouch on. Jayden. Jayden. Jayjay. I wonder who won the pool. I get to go look at that soon. I hear them. They are taking the person across from me. Oh my goodness. I think they are going backwardsd which means I might be next. I need Gatorade. Ok that’s better. So glad I have my computer to write down this moment. I’m not recording it. I don’t want to focus on a stupid iPod when I have a Jayden!

La la la. Hmmm. I wonder who his raisers are. Yellow fur will be good in the sun. Good. Oh it’s gonna be Jayden, Spinelli, Timmy and Fi. Hehehe!

Insert is Jayden. I think I got the most normal name hahaha! I love it! It’s pretty quiet out there now. Quiet quiet. Something rolling. Cleaning people maybe. I hear them coming back. I hear her dog, the woman across from me. I might be next. Yep she’s coming back! Oh dear. Am I next? Am I? Am I? He’s walking away. I hear the lady across from me talking to her dog. Oh goodness. I hear an instructor again.

Ok I heard “do you wanna get the next dog ready?” Is that Jayden? Is it? Nerves. Can’t wait! Oh goodness. Where are they. It’s finally hear. Ok now I feel like I might cry. The lady across from me is crying, softly talking to her dog. My hands are trembling. Lump in throat. tears in my eyes. Jayden, yellow lab male, Jayden. Ok crying now. footsteps.

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Filed under Dog Day, Doggy Diaries, doggy school, Fi, Jayden, misty eyes, Spinelli, Timmy

Kitty Tales – They’re feeling left out

nOk seriously, all that white thing mom touches all the time talks about is dogs. Dogs dogs dogs. I still don’t know what that is. And now all it says is puppy pool puppy pool puppy pool. Now what the heck is that? I know she’s gonna get this dog thing and I’m already scared. I’m her baby girl. What if she replaces me? And now a puppy pool? Are we getting one of those too?

Anyway, I wanted you all to remember that mom has cats *first* before a dog thing or a puppy pool. I’m Spinelli, and she loves me. Even though I’m getting too big to fit on her arm, she still picks me up and carries me and its so relaxing. Dad tries to pick me up but he doesn’t hold me right, so I’ll get down and then rub his ankles. I love my dad, but I was mom’s present this time last year. Yep, I’ve been here a year and this is *my* house, not a dog or puppy pool house.

I had another heat thing. Mom keeps saying she feels bad because I’m not fixed but they don’t get me fixed. The heat thing is so weird! I still feel all funny and I don’t want mom touching me. When she touches me when I’m hot, I stick my butt in the air. I don’t know if I like it or not. It’s kinda fun cuz I feel like I can chase Timmy all the time and it’s kinda fun to torture him, but it tortures me too because I still want something from him that he can’t give me. But other then the heat thing, life is pretty good. Timmy is kicking me off now.

Finally we get the white thing to stop talking about dogs. I think I know what a dog is. I think it’s like a cat, but I’m pretty sure some of them are bigger then us. And they’re clumsy. You can’t drop a dog because he doesn’t know how to land himself. And they don’t purr. But I know they sleep a lot like us. Mom keeps talking about the dog eating our toys. I hope it doesn’t eat the toys, even though I don’t play with them much. Man, if Spinelli didn’t have the toys, she’d never ever leave me alone. Oh and mom says she’ll have to move our food maybe because the dog might eat it. It better not eat our food. I think I’ll tell Fi to make sure she barfs in the food bowl if the dog is looking interested. Fi barfs in the food bowl a lot. She eats too fast and then woosh it comes right back up. Yuck. I’m glad we have 2 food bowls, because the other one is usually safe until the barf goes away.

Mom is getting really fun since she started those workout things. Before, she always said I was so heavy. Oh, you’re such a big boy, oh geez you’re heavy. Always moaning. But now she likes to throw me around and pick me up and lift me over her head. She says it’s an extra arm workout. But its so fun! When I’m in my lovey mood and she’s by the bed, sometimes I can get her to play if I purr and put my paws on her chest. Then she scoops me up and tosses me all around and I purr and purr and purr. I like the strong arms. She’s fun.

It’s been freaking cold here. What’s with that? All of the sudden cold. I get under the blanket on the couch and its so warm and nice and then Spinelli finds me and won’t leave me alone. Yesterday mom got mad cuz her yarn was on the couch and me and Spinelli were playing and running all over the couch playing “in the trenches” and she kept getting up from the white thing and shooing us away. So we ran all over the house, up and down the couch hit the window and made the blinds rattle, skidded across the table and then I got tired and Spinelli wasn’t so I howled and howled until she got tired too. Its so fun. I guess she’s growing on me. I’m gonna let Fi tell you about our nightly ritual of the bedroom door.

Well, hello mom’s computer friends. I’m sorry you had to be subjected to Timmy and Spinelli’s immaturity. Let me tell you how it is. I can’t wait for the dog. I used to live with a dog and I liked him. timmy and Spinelli have no idea what they’re in for. They think it’s just like a cat. Yeah, no. And mom is getting a very special dog that will take a lot of her attention. Maybe it will make Timmy and Spinelli learn to sleep all day like I do.

I had to move my spot on the bed. I used to lay on dad’s side during the day, but Spinelli lays there at night so I always smelled her. So I’ve moved to mom’s side. Trouble is, I don’t get the warm clothes on me on Saturday. I might need to amend that. Mom almost sat on me yesterday when she was on the phone because she’s not used to me laying there.

I was all cozy on the bed last night when mom came in to watch tv so I had to move a little to give her room. Then dad came in and lay down so I was between them. I love that. Then Timmy and Spinelli have to come in. I really wish I could be alone with mom and dad sometimes. Timmy wasn’t even near me but I got pissy and hissed and chased him off the bed. I don’t lose my cool like that often. Dad left to listen to music and he closed the door with all of us inside. Here we go. timmy lasted about 5 minutes and then got on the dresser and banged his head on the doorknob like he always does, but mom was comfy and ignored him. Dad yelled, I got it! And came and let Timmy out. Spinelli was at the foot of the bed, so I decided to stay. Mom fell asleep and eventually I got hungry and wanted out, but she wasn’t hearing me so I got really loud. I never get loud but I wanted out. She stirred a little but wasn’t letting me out, so I actually howled, which I never do. I think it’s unbecoming of a cat of my age, but I wanted out. Dad came and let me out.

Mom always complains that we go through this every night, so why doesn’t she just leave the door open? We talk abut this every time we’re allowed to get on the blog. Maybe some day she’ll learn.

Oh hey, I know a lot of you are dog people and you do a lot of grooming. And I know dogs aren’t the same, but mabe you can help. As I get on in years, my fur is getting quite oily. It starts to clump, and mom and dad have started saying I have dreads, and they call me Rasta Cat. What do the kids say, I’m not down with that. Mom has to brush me and she actually gets the scissors and cuts the dreads out. I don’t mind at first because it feels nice and I purr a lot but then it gets old and I do my growl meow and swipe at her hand. I always feel bad and she has to stop. Does anyone know what she might be able to do to help my fir not be so oily? Thanks.


Filed under cats, dogs, Fi, Kitty Tales, silly girl, Spinelli, Timmy, weather, workouts

Timmy thinks I should practice

I had the alarm set for 8am so I’d have time to sit around and stuff before getting ready for the day. I fell asleep rather quickly last night and then B came in and didn’t know I was alseep and woke me up, then Fi was scratching at the door to get out, and then I slept again.

This morning Timmy decided to walk on my head. He never does that. Sometimes he’ll cuddle up with me and his purring will make me wake up a little but he’s cozy so I’ll cuddle up with him and pass back out. This morning he decided to literally walk on my head, and then plop down on the pillow, laying right on my hair. I grabbed him and moved him and he crawled right back on the pillow and purred. I didn’t know what time it was, because sometimes I can tell if its light out, but not all the time. The nature called so I stumbled to the bathroom and fell back into bed, but couldn’t fall asleep again. I lay there thinking he’s getting me ready for when I have a guide dog haha. Finally I checked the time and it was 6:30 so I said screw it and got up. I was really hoping for more sleep today.

Carol and I are going to the meeting place to hang out; they have meetings all day and a room full of food, so she’s gonna eat and I’m gonna drink coffee. Saving room for the buffet at 4 haha. I’m excited to wear my brown dress. Haven’t been able to wear it since April of last year. Hope it’ll be warm enough in the sun, since I’m wearing sandals lol. Gotta love the desert.

I’m kinda glad I was up early cuz I got to catch up with Carin and we were talking about exchanging braille letters, and she was telling me about getting a Perkins braille writer. They are expensive, but so much better than a slate and stylus, and well worth the cost. I can get it re-conditioned, so hopefully I’ll find one I can afford with Christmas money. That’ll be so cool, to exhange braille letters.

K, just fired this off quickly to get in my post for the day. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Oh, wanted to say congrats to Douglas for getting his person yesterday!!! WTG Emily!


Filed under braille, cats, coffeeholic, desert life, fellowship, Fi, guide dogs, holiday, NaBloPoMo 2009, Timmy

I’m not gonna write you a love song

Ok that title has nothing to do with this post lol. I decided to write, and am not sure what direction I might go, so when thinking of a title, that song popped in my head. I guess it fits, because I’m not gonna write you a love song here lol!

B was paying the cable bill a bit ago, and when he was entering in the card number I thought, hmmm. It might be fun to compose a song with the melody the numbers make when entering a string of numbers. I’d never do my card number, because leave it to some techno geek to figure out the tones. But wouldn’t that be fun, if you have lyrics and can’t think of a melody?

I’m importing the Frank McCourt books that Cabana’s Puppy Raiser so graciously sent me, which I have been forgetting to import. Man, audio books take forever. Are they more complex than music cds? The second one just got done importing and I started an hour ago. I think the second cd went quicker than the first one. Maybe my cd drive was tired since it hasn’t worked in awhile? It was sure making some strange noises doing that first cd.

I was going to do some cleaning today, along with laundry and weekend chores, but I just don’t feel like it. I’m definitely doing a lot better with the recent sick jag, but I’m still feeling a little weak, and I don’t feel like eating anything I have in the house. Cleaning on an empty stomach isn’t good. I’m feeling some turmoil lately, and that sort of thing always seems to affect my eating and sleeping. Might be time to go see my therapist for a check-up.

I’ve been getting to meetings all week and its been great. to actually get out and see people is such a good thing, and it really made me realize how uch I’ve put everything else ahead of my recovery, which is not a good thing. If I place things in front of my reocovery, I risk drinking again, and losing all the things I put ahead of recovery, so I need to keep an eye on that.

It’s been so nice hanging out with Kevin this week. I’m going to be so adsad What the heck, I can’t edit…can’t delete, oh hell. I’ll just post. when he leaves again for work, right after Thanksgiving. Tonight he was asked to share at a meeting by Georgie’s boyfriend, and I wanted to go since I’ve never heard his story all in one share before. Georgie invited us over for bbq before the meeting, so I’m so looking forward to that! Kevin has found a new love for golf, so he’s golfing today and his t time was at noon. Georgie wants us at her house by 6, and Kevin is anticipating about a 4 hour game. Georgie and I are afraid that goal is a little “out there”, being a late t time on a weekend. If there are people ahead of him, his game might take forever. So I’m planning on being ready by 5 just in case. I can’t wait! I keep hoping the day will fly by, but it’s dragging.

That was a long paragraph.

I didn’t sleep all that well last night. B always goes to bed really late on weekends and he has this iPod alarm clock, that will play the iPod in sleep mode for a bit. I wear an ear plug in my left ear and I had forgotten to put it in, so the music woke me up and then I couldn’t tune it out. Then I had a coughing fit and decided to move to the couch, a place I never ever sleep. Spinelli must have thought this was some new middle of the night adventure, so she got on my and started digging in the blankets. Darned cat. I was hoping to sleep late today to kill some time, but no. My internal clock is officially set to wake up before eight, no matter if its a weekend or a week day.

So I got up and got right on the Facebook problem. I’m really hoping they write back. They have in the past. But it seems like most sites don’t bother when it comes to accessibility.

I’m really freaking out about my cd burner right now. Its been making some really funky noises. And now its silent, but its not done importing. Ick. I just was able to eject the disk but I don’t think the whole thing imported. Ut oh. Good thing the Macbook is under warranty, but what will I do if I have to send it in for repair? Oh no, I can’t even think about that…


Almost time for afternoon coffee! Man, I’ve had to stop with the energy drinks. For some reason when Kevin’s in town, we get them, but they were tearing my stomach up. I can’t let them mess up my stomach so much that I can’t drink coffee lol!

Ok, I’m frustrated right now. Sometimes I get really annoyed trying to be in the same room with B when I’m working on my computer, which is all tht time, since he’s always on his computer or watching sports. So today he put in some DVD about bon Jovi. All of the sudden its freakin loud. I turned up my volume a little bit, but I’m really careful with my ears. So some music started and it was loud so I took my headphones off and got up and he’s like, sorry, the volume keeps changing on the dvd. Yeah, I get that. i really considered moving my computer into the bedroom. I don’t want the volume on my headphones loud. I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to get how important my ears are. I don’t like being around really loud things. I think I’m getting to a point where so many little things are annoying me, that one more little thing just gets blown up in my mind. This is just a scary place to be in. I start wondering, why am I getting annoyed so easily? Why am I missing my old apartment, where I lived alone? Should I be thinking these things? What does it mean that I’m thinking these things? Ick. I don’t know. I tend to over analyze a lot. Maybe I’m just in a pissy mood. Maybe I’m just sick of sports and heavy metal music. Maybe I wish every now and then, my music could be on in the house. But no, oh no, don’t make him listen to country. Ok, didn’t mean for a rant to pop ut. I obviously need coffee. Better go make it.

Got coffee. I was just thinking what my therapist would say if I told her what I just wrote. She would say, how old are you right now? Yeah. Like 6. Throwing a tantrum. An inward tantrum, or a tantrum on the blog, but a tantrum nonetheless.

I can’t seem to think of anything fun to write and manage to launch into a rant. I hate that. My laundry is done. I’ll take a break and think about whether I want to write anymore. If the post ends abruptly, you’ll know I gave up lol.

Cats must love warm laundry. I just dumped an entire basket of laundry right on Fi and she just laid there. When we first got Spinelli, she would race into the bedroom and attack the laundry as I was putting it away. I used to pick her up and put her in the basket and throw the stuf to be folded in on top of her. She would nestle in and fall asleep haha. She’s not so into that anymore, but she still comes in to lay on the laundry. I suppose it would feel really good, to be surrounded by fresh clean warm laundry. Wish I had enough clothes to dump a bunch of clean laundry on the bed and roll around in it lol.

Its almost 2 now. A few more hours to go. Doing more of that killing time thing before the fun starts. Seems like life is all about waiting. Waiting. Waiting for the next thing. Waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting for that email ding. Waiting for the coffee pot. Waiting for the bill that’s due. Waiting for blog posts new. How did I just turn this into a poem. LOL! Seriously though. Lately I just feel like I’m constantly waiting. Waiting for word about the guide dog. Waiting for my ries to show up. I like being on time, especially if someone is picking me up, I think its rude to keep them waiting, so I’m always ready ahead of time, and find myself standing around waiting for them. Hurry up and wait. Waiting.

I don’t necessarily think its a bad thing. I’m not saying waiting is bad. For me, when I find that I’m waiting, I’m usually excited about something. I find that at night, I can’t wait to fall asleep, because I can’t wait to wake up. I love it in the mornings, hearing the rumble of the coffee pot, hearing the drip drip, smelling the brew. Hearing the birds coming alive. Hearing cars start up. Hearing B’s alarm go off. Anticipating the day. I never used to be like that. Back in my drinking days, I’d wake up and almost be sad that I woke up. Or rather, came to. I’d have the jitters, a headache, an upset stomach. Yuck. I much much prefer my life today, even though I’m feeling in a lot of limbo right now. Its not the fear of the unknown anymore. Its the wondering what comes next. What adventure lays ahead? Even turmoil is almost fun right now, the more I think of it.

Oh more cat stuff. Spinelli has figure out how to get this dangling toy off the scratching post. B would find it missing, locate it, put it back on, and she always does it when we’re not around. Well, she just did it and B watched her do it. He put it back, and she got it off again. I wonder if the toy was designed that way? A challenge for the cat. Kinda like putting kibble in a cong lol.

My arm had gotten all messed up again. My computer cart is most comfortable at the couch when its at kind of an angle. But that was messing up my arm, so I put it in front of the couch so that I’d lit at it straight, but I have to prop myself up on pillows to be close enough to it. I really need a laptop cart with skinny feet that will slide under the couch. So my arm had gotten better, so I put it back where it was more comfy, and my arm got all screwed up again, so now I have it all stright again. It doesn’t help that I mostly sleep on my right side, so that arm is just getting totally beat up. I’m hoping getting back in the gym on Monday is gonna help. I know it will. Working out was helping so much, that not doing it for 2 weeks is taking its toll. I cannot wait to get back in the gym!

I’m not looking forward to braille though. I haven’t studied my punctuation. I have to be pared up with another guy, and I just don’t see how thats gonna work. I really want to just do grade 2 through Hadley. I feel bad, because they rearranged that guy’s schedule to accomodate me for funding purposes. But I just don’t see how doing braille with more than one student is going to work. I talked to Dave about it, and he said its totally up to me. That I shouldn’t feel obligated to Saavi for braille. So we’ll see.

I kinda want to get in the bath just to kill some time. Hmmm. Maybe. Do I feel like it? Its amazing how much bathing can kill my spoons. Sometimes a shower will totally rejuvinate me, and other times, it totally knocks me out. And baths usually take a lot out of me. I’m technically not supposed to sit in hot water. Heat can make my nerves inflame and can make the MS flair up, so all neurologists say to stay away from heat. But it feels so good, especially when I’m having nerve and/or muscle pain. So its a difficult situation. Hot showers tend to be fine because its fairly brief, where a bath is usually longer. Auto immune sucks.

Wow. I can’t remember the last time I wrote a really fun post. I think I definitely need to see my therapist. I think I better put this post out of its misery now.


Filed under Audio books, braille, cats, coffeeholic, fellowship, Fi, NaBloPoMo 2009, plugs, random stuff, rant, sobriety, Spinelli, spoons