Category Archives: dream

Blind People Can’t Do That – Changing our Expectations

My friend @BigBadEd sent me a link to a This American Life podcast episode this morning. I told him I’d listen while eating my serial, I mean cereal.

I had seen a retweet from Ed for a podcast asking the question, can expectations make blind people see. I gave it a split second thought about listening and then just kept reading tweets about the Golden globes and skipping passed pictures of cats. But then Ed specifically sent me a mention with a link to the podcast so I changed my mind and decided to listen. Why the initial hesitation? I had contempt prior to investigation and figured it was just more sighted people talking about something they think they know about even though they don’t. I trust Ed though and since he made it a point to bring my attention to the podcast, I decided it must be good. Especially since it’s a This American Life podcast and they brought us Serial which I loved. Also, the episode was called Batman. Huh? Did I hear that right? Yep, it’s called Batman and you can play it here.

I opened the tweet on my iPad and started the episode while I poured a bowl of chocolate frosted mini wheats. Shut up, they’re good.

The podcast begins with some fun science about rats that I found interesting. Maybe science is the wrong word. It was a social experiment with rats. Then it moved on to talking about this blind guy and I was like oh great a blind guy. A blind guy who clicks. This was nothing knew to me but it was entertainment while I ate my mini wheats.

This guy has been on the news showing off his clicking and I was like what’s special about him? He’s riding a bike which he can do because he can click? Before I went blind I saw a Dateline show or 20/20, one of those shows, about a blind kid who rode his bike and played basketball, all by clicking. Just the way this guy in the podcast rides his bike. the podcast acted like this had never been seen before and I just kept thinking about that kid I saw, literally months before I went blind. I even told B I should learn that clicking thing in case my other eye ever went blind. I clicked my tongue a few times, we had a laugh, I moved on. Just FYI, that is a really hard skill to learn, the clicking thing. He’s lucky he figured it out when he was a kid.

But then I warmed up to this guy on the podcast when he admitted how much he hates showing off his bike riding skills. It’s like, yeah I can ride a bike or bake cookies or take a computer apart or insert whatever it is that I or you or your kid or sister, blind or sighted, does. It’s like so what? That was this guy’s attitude.

One of the first blind people I met when I started getting my “blind education” at Saavi all those years ago is a guy just like this clicking guy except he doesn’t click. I was amazed by him, that he could get around the blind center without a cane. I was amazed by him because I was newly blind and didn’t have that confidence yet. Granted, I still would not walk around the blind center without a cane or Jayden like he does, but he was blind since he was a baby just like this clicking guy. When you learn skills as a child, it sticks.

*Aside* You know what’s weird? I had a dream about that guy just last night. The day before Ed sends me a podcast about a clicker guy who reminds me of dream guy. I was getting a manicure and the guy from Saavi walked in to tell me he got a Mac. He wanted to shake my hand but my nails were wet. Huh?*End aside*

So the podcast went on to talk about just that, and they talked to clicking guy’s mother and how she let him just be when he was a child. She let him climb trees and fences even when neighbors and the police told her oh no, he could get hurt. I was thinking, any kid could get hurt climbing a tree. I sure did when I was a kid. I remember watching a friend fall off our fence right on her face. We were all sighted. clicking guy’s mom let him be a normal kid and he’s grown up with the ability to see even though he has no eyes. The point was that her expectations for him were that he would be independent, especially when she saw how he developed ways of doing things without sight.

Ding ding ding! That’s when I got excited and thought about how my own blind life has been influenced by other people’s expectations for me. The point of the podcast was that we can see in our ways when the sighted stop putting expectations on us. There were interviews with other blind people, with professionals who work in the blind field etc. It turned out to be a very good podcast.

It got me thinking about how Saavi treated me when I started going there for training. They eased me into getting around there independently. On the podcast, they talked about how so many blind kids and newly blind adults are led around constantly, how food is brought to them etc. I thought back to my experience at Saavi and at Guide Dogs for the blind and they would certainly help you get around if you asked but they didn’t force the issue. After I learned how to use the white cane, I got around on my own at Saavi and actually led other blind people around who didn’t know the center yet. yes, the blind leading the blind. Saavi taught me how to safely use a knife and a stove. They taught by showing and then having us do. How else can one learn? I joke about Dave, my old orientation and mobility teacher, locking me in an elevator at the mall. Yes, it was a scary experience when he told me to go to the bottom floor and then come back up and then he walked out. My heart raced and I couldn’t believe he left me but how else was I to learn to do things on my own without him?

However out in the real world, people aren’t like the people at Saavi and GDB. They see a blind person getting near the street and freak the freak out. They don’t realize that being blind means we have to get up close and personal to something a sighted person can see from hundreds of feet away. I have to find a curb with my cane that you can see from way over there. Jayden can see it from way over there too but he has to take me right to it so I can feel it with my foot.

This is where the problem is and the podcast pointed that out when the clicking guy was working with a five year-old who had to find a curb by walking right up to it. His godmother freaked out and stopped the kid from learning how to do it his way.

Damn but this helped me understand the people in my life! When I’m on my own, I just do things. When I’m with B, the way I do things change. His expectations bleed on to me. When I’m out on my own I figure stuff out in my own way, the way I’ve had to learn to do. There’s no way sighted people can read my mind and know how I’m going to do something and the expectation is that “blind people can’t do that”.


I never thought I would learn something about sighted people by listening to that podcast when it first started. Since I’ve gone blind I try to be an open book, to answer questions people have without getting offended because I remember when I was sighted being amazed by blind people. I don’t ever want to stop being open, but I did find myself being closed with that pesky contempt prior to investigation. I’m so glad I listened to it.

When the kid’s godmother stopped him while he was trying to find the curb, I thought back to an experience I had at the hotel in Florida. Jayden and I got lost and no one jumped out to help. I don’t think anyone was around or if they were, they were very quiet. Jayden and I wandered around for awhile until I got sick of being lost and asked a jogger for help.

That’s how it should bee. Don’t jump in and help because you assume someone needs it or that “blind people can’t do that.”

I could go on and on about this but just go listen to the podcast whether you’re blind or sighted. For the blind, it might shed some light for you on why the sighted are the way they are. For the sighted, well I can’t say what it might shed light on for you.

This goes so much deeper than how the sighted people’s expectations effect the blind. How about expectations about men and women, black and white? Could the root cause of all the isms out there simply be caused by expectations? We expect a woman to be weaker than a man, a white person to be better than a black person? Is it all down to expectations causing groups of people to be what they are? B thinks it would be dangerous for me to walk in my neighborhood since there’s no sidewalk, or along the nearby street that has a sidewalk but lots of driveways because he can’t imagine doing it the way I do it so that fear has rubbed off on me and I haven’t gone exploring even though I have the needed skills to avoid getting hit by a car. Heck, i pay more attention than some sighted people walking down the street texting. The news and social media expected the destruction in Ferguson. Did that have an effect on the people there? We expect people to act in a certain way so they do?

Food for thought.

PS – I appreciated that clicking guy said anyone could learn that skill and use it to ride bikes and hike and stuff as long as they didn’t have another disability stopping them.

Random Link from a Random Tab

A tab I had open when I opened the podcast link had a Mental Floss article about why electrical plugs are different in Europe. I thought I’d share for your inner Arthur Weasley.

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Filed under Adjustment to blindness, blind opinion, dream, fellowship, GDB, Jayden, no no sightie, Orientation and Mobility, plugs, twitter me this, white cane, working dog

Now I definitely know I don’t want to be drunk and blind

Not that there has been any doubt. When I got out of the hospital after going blind my uncle asked If I wanted to drink and I said, “then I’d be blind AND falling on my ass.”

It’s pretty scary when you have a hard time walking under your own power and you kind of rely on your legs and stuff to help you negotiate the world around you that you can’t see because when you can’t see the horizon you need the rest of you to tell you which way is up and when you’re drunk, this doesn’t work too well.

Wait wait wait, back up, drunk? What?

Yeah no, not drunk on alcohol, drunk on the remnants of anesthesia. Rejoice! The teeth finally came out! The poisonous teeth and even though it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since they were cracked and pried from my skull, I already feel better. Yes yes yes yes yes! Surgeon’s office called Thursday with the insurance approval and I got the first available appointment yesterday. yes!!!

Ok, deep breath. Really did just take one. I’ve been awake since 2:30am because I got too much sleep yesterday and that kills my “non-military regimented sleep schedule”. First I had the nap thanks to a needle in my arm and then I had a nap on my bed at home later while my body adjusted to the vicodin it had never experienced plus the half a cup of coffee I nursed in bed that wasn’t enough to keep me awake. I couldn’t even have water before the surgery. I had to wake up without coffee. Any time B asked me the night before if I was nervous I just said only about waking up without coffee.

The no water was actually harder though. My throat was so dry and I felt like there was a lump there. I gargled when I brushed my teeth and I was allowed a sip to take morning meds but I’m used to twenty ounces of water in the mornings so I was parched like fall foliage.

B and I got to the surgeon’s office ten minutes before my 10:45am appointment. It was nearing 11am when I said to B they probably schedule you for 10:45am so you won’t be late for your 11am appointment and then I had an internal rant about how we punctual people are being punished thanks to the chronically late. It was then that I noticed I was getting anxious. I was ready to get this over with, I had survived the no coffee and now it was time to face the fact that they’d be knocking me out and crunching five teeth out of my head. Ok to be fair they probably only had to crunch two out, the two impacted wisdom teeth. The top wisdom tooth was just a leftover root of the tooth that broke while I ate Lucky Charms years ago before i had dental insurance and the other two were the bottom front teeth that I ruined with a steal tongue ring all those years ago when I didn’t listen to my dental hygienist friend and replace the balls with acrylic. Those teeth have been loose for years so they probably popped out no problem. So I’m sure there was only crunching on two teeth but man my neck and shoulders feel it today. What did they do to me while I was asleep? I had the idea to start a voice note on my phone in my pocket but I felt too much like an NSA spy so I didn’t do it. I mean what if the surgeon and his assistants discussed deep life issues?

They had told me at the consult that the anesthesia would be just like when I had the colonoscopy so I was expecting to come out of it asking questions, not with the remnants of my dream about manipulating gravity.

When they were hooking me up to the hard monitor and such, the pitch of the beep beep beep kept changing when I moved. At one point they all left the room so I started playing with the beeping, slowing down and holding my breath so the beeping got slow and then taking a quick deep breath to speed up the beeping. I’m weird, but it distracted me from the fact that I had left Jayden in the lobby with B and this patient who had been seriously interested in him. (Jayden, not B.)

The main assistant was the woman who did the brunt of my consultation and I remembered her telling me she’d be there the day of surgery. She told me her name was Leah but said I probably wouldn’t remember but I said I would because my friend Amanda has a guide dog named Leah and Leah the woman asked if Leah the dog was a good dog and I said yes.

So I kept waiting for Leah yesterday and she finally got there and I got happy and she rubbed my shoulders. Everyone there was so personable and they made the experience less than scary, just like the people at the colonoscopy. Medical professionals are awesome. I should know, I used to be one. I made them all laugh when I heard a woman say, “heart rate is…” she trailed off and I said, “elevated”. I was nervous haha.

So Leah asked if anything had changed since I was there and I said no and she asked when I was there and when I told her she said, “Oh, the day before I found out I was pregnant!” So we had a squealy girlie moment and she empathized with the no coffee since she can’t drink coffee now either. “At least you get to have some when you get home,” she joked.

Then the surgeon was there and he started my IV and I told Leah to make sure nothing fell down my throat and she said they’d put in a throat cup and then I was waking up from my dream about manipulating gravity. And freezing. I was shivering so hard and it’s a good thing my mouth was full of gauze. I tried to talk. Ha!

The rest was a whirlwind. They brought B and Jayden in and were giving B instructions because obviously I was way too out of it. I was still thinking about gravity and wondering why I couldn’t talk and was that my lip? Holy crap that’s my lip! Is there a baseball where my chin should be?

They got me to a wheelchair and Jayden gave me a once over and they were wheeling me out and to B’s car and Leah and B helped me to the car and Jayden got in and I looked at Leah and muttered through gauze,” ngats ong te aby.” and I gestured at my stomach. Leah was awesome! I think I might send the office a card or something.

I barely remember the drive home. I tried to take a picture of myself but the camera wouldn’t work. It was probably drunk user error.

B and Jayden helped me in the house and then we took Jay out to pee and then I collapsed on the couch and I told B I wouldn’t move until he got back from getting my prescriptions and some mac and cheese. But pain started setting in right after he left so I got up to look for the codeine I still had from the dentist but I couldn’t find it so I took two Tylenol. That could have been bad because the vicodin the surgeon gave me has Tylenol in it. I did my drug research this morning now that I’m coherant. It was fine though. I was still cold so I changed into warm house clothes and climbed into bed, using Gamma’s cane to get around and when B got home he brought everything into the bedroom. I took a Vicodin and we discussed that I also had prescription Advil and I was to alternate the two every two hours. This has held the pain no problem and even when I slept last night, I magically awoke when it was time for the next dose. I’ve hardly felt any pain at all, thank God! I also noticed last night that the pressure in my lower jaw is gone and the vertigo is already subsiding! Those teeth were poison! I swear, medical and dental needs to be covered by the same money. Even flossing was easier without those two wisdom teeth pushing everything together.

I settled into bed and Jayden sat right by the bed even though his bed was right there in the corner. He wouldn’t leave my side. So I pulled is bed right next to me and he curled up. Such a protective boy!

I had started coffee right when we got home and had a cup by the bed that literally took me hours to drink. I got hungry and got up and as I walked out of the room B said, “whatcha doin, you ok?” Such a protective boy!

Eating hard boiled eggs with a partially numb mouth was a bad idea. It was hard to tell what was egg white and what was cheek. I had two cups of apple sauce after that (apple sauce is crack on a sore mouth yum) and when I put my book on it wasn’t long before I turned it off and went to sleep. B woke me at 4:30 since he was going to get some dinner and I was like oh it’s time to feed Jayden! So I got Jayden fed and relieved and then got back into bed. I dictated some tweets and then ate a big thing of Stouffer’s mac and cheese and listened to my book and took my meds every two hours and went to sleep at 10:30 and then magically woke up at 12:30 for my next dose and then again at 2:30 for my next dose but then I couldn’t sleep again so I finally got up at 4 am and I’ve been up ever since. I just checked and it’s 10:18am. I think I’ll get back into bed soon.

Jayden was adorable when I got out of bed at 4am to get some caffeine since a caffeine headache was breaking through the meds. Jayden got up on the couch and methodically sniffed my jawbone. He knows it hurts in there. I swear to God it was like he was making sure I was ok! Either that or it just smelled different and interesting.

When B got up and was heading to work I asked him something, I can’t remember what, and he needed me to repeat it since I now sound funny. You know the beaver from Lady and the tramp? I sound like that now. Ok maybe not quite to that extreme. 😉

It’s time for Jayden to pee and split a banana with me and then I think I’ll retire to listen to the book and the character who manipulates gravity.

Speaking of gravity”

Random Coolness

Tucson is Epicenter of Meteorite Strike

That explains the boom I heard last night that rattled the bedroom window. I didn’t say anything to B because I thought it was just the drugs talking. When he cane in later and read the story of the mysterious boom on his phone I sat up in bed and exclaimed, “that’s what that was!?” B was bummed he hadn’t heard it.

Oh PS – Yesterday was Mom’s birthday! I used to drink a daiquiri or five on her birthday, then when I got sober I switched to some kind of food she would have liked but yesterday there was no eating Greek food or blackened chicken but she did used to like Stouffer’s mac and cheese! I also found out on Twitter today that she shared a birthday with Michael Dorn a.k.a Worf.

PPS – Georgie called as I was previewing this post. She had seen my posts on Facebook and was calling to check on me so we traded wisdom teeth stories. I wish I had asked her if she heard the boom last night. When we hung up my jaw ached. It is hard to talk without those lower teeth. I have to work harder to get the words out. Fun!

PPPS – How are all my run-on sentences? That’s how I think when I’m sleep deprived. Or maybe all the time. Is it time for my next dose? Not yet.


Filed under Adjustment to blindness, birthday, coffeeholic, Dental Health, dream, Gamma, Jayden, jayden quirks, mom, num num food, silly girl, Sleep Deprived Fun, sobriety, twitter me this

She’s got a Mustache Starting Here

I’m remembering now what a lot of typing does to my right shoulder muscle. Ow! I just worked it out a bit with my foam roller but it’s still giving me big twinges as I type this. So I’m going to write about a short dream I remember.

I rarely remember dreams and this one is sticking with me because it’s just so weird, though aren’t all dreams weird? Anyway, you know how at the dentist there’s no doors on the rooms? Why is that? Everyone can hear the dentist lecturing you about not flossing every day and you can hear the kid in the next room laughing with a wide open mouth.

In my dream I was at the dentist’s office, laying back in the chair, mouth wide open when the dentist says to his assistant, “she’s got a mustache starting here, we’re going to need the wax.”

My eyes widen in mortification that the entire office heard that I have the beginnings of a mustache and that’s where the dream ends.

This one is pretty simple to interpret. I’ve been to the dentist a lot recently, it’s Muvember (is that how they spell it?) so mustaches are talked about constantly on social networks, and I’m terrified of one day growing a ladystache (I just made that up) and I won’t know it and no one will tell me. Good times, dreams.

Random Happy

Grab the tissues! Beyonce makes young blind fan’s night with tear jerking dedication and duet ~ Direct youtube link to the video if you can’t play it in the article.

I secretly hoped this would happen to me when I went to the Carrie Underwood concert when I was six days blind but alas, hehe.


Filed under Dental Health, dream, funnies, NaBloPoMo 2013

And it would have been fine if it hadn’t been for those meddling headphones

This is why I really shouldn’t make plans. Strike that, I need to be prepared when a wrench is thrown into the works. It’s not even like I had crazy awesome plans, but I had my Saturday pretty much mapped out to be leisurely after a stressful week. I planned to give a book a read through to write up a post on it today. I managed to read the book but then…enter the wrench.

Last night I discovered something I didn’t know about my Mac that is pretty sweet. I had this book in a text document but I have no way of holding my place in such a long document so I planned on recording system audio during a time I wasn’t on my computer. Luckily I mentioned this to my Mac expert friend Ricardo and he informed me that the Mac will convert text to speech into a sound file in itunes. No way! Way! He explained how to do it and it worked. So Today I had an audio file of Voiceover reading the book just like an audio book with the ability to play and pause when I needed to.

So after I was done with my morning reading which included an email with content that got my blood pressure up and my heart rate pounding which started a headache (this is foreshadowing), I settled back to go over the book and drink my coffee.

B stepped out to run errands so I took my Logitech USB wireless headphones off and plugged them in to charge so I could enjoy the book over my speakers and also to throw some additional charge into the headphones. Sometimes on Weekends the charge doesn’t last all day and while I can use the headphones while they’re charging, I don’t like being tethered now that I am so used to the freedom of wireless.

I was jotting down notes for my write-up when B got home and I plugged the receiver for the headphones in and switched them on. Nothing. Hmmm. Switch off and back on. Nothing. No beep. They usually beep when switched on and then beep again when connected. Nothing. Over and over, on and off and on. Nothing. Unplug receiver. Nothing. Headache getting worse.

I dig out the old Logitech headphones that I had taped together to salvage them until B got me a new set. Nothing on those. I switch off and on. One beep. Ooh! Then nothing. Both sets were dead. Head is pounding.

Ok, so remember the vicious murder of the coffee maker?

I stood up with the Logitech and tightly grasped the earpieces in my hands.

“I’m going to break this,” I grunted through gritted teeth.

“No!” B exclaimed, making the moment sound very dramatic.

“Why not? They’re already dead!” I said, stomping towards the kitchen, prepared to snap the things like a wishbone. B stammered something and I came to my senses. I’m not sure if it was him or the Lexapro that kept me from destroying the Logitech. It turns out the charger for the headphones will work to charge B’s phone via his computer, so at least something good came from it. For some reason, both dead Logitechs went back into my drawer.

I began the task of shopping for a new set of wireless headphones. The major thing I didn’t like about the Logitech was the behind the neck design. The tops of my ears begin to ache after prolonged use and I can’t rest my head back on the couch. So deciding to try something new meant that I wanted to find a set with the old headband design.

If anyone has any questions about wireless headphones for computers, I think I read about nearly every kind out there. I asked Twitter for recommendations and it failed me for the first time. No one had opinions which shocked me. Actually one person did recommend a Plantronics set but that was after I finally settled on something.

I don’t remember how I finally found these but I decided on this Soundblaster Tactic3D Wrath wireless usb headset from Creative> After reading that page I was beginning to drool and after I read reviews on Amazon from extreme gamer types I was sold. Headphones are an extension of my computer for me. I need to be able to hear my screen reader when B has the TV on and I also don’t want him to have to hear my computer. Not only that but my music, books and movies as well. Oh and let’s not forget baseball! They must be wireless, especially for baseball, so I never miss a minute of a game when I have to walk away from my computer.

B had already agreed that a Best Buy trip would be in order once I found the headphones I wanted. I checked the website and they carry them but it said that store delivery or something wasn’t an option. That worried me. I called to see if they had them. After getting through the Silicone Sally prompts, I was told one caller was ahead of me. Loud, no not loud, blaring synthesizer Christmas music began pumping through my bluetooth. Headache. Got. Very. Very. Pissed. I thought to myself, if they have the headphones, the obnoxious music will be worth it. They didn’t have the headphones.

This was a few hours after the death of the Logitech. I had my old wired headphones plugged in and had even tried paring the Plantronics bluetooth I use for my phone to the Mac but it sounded awful and I scared myself, thinking I had killed the connection between it and the iPhone forever haha.

So when we found out Best Buy didn’t have the Soundblaster headphones, we were both dumbfounded. What other electronics stores are there? We both drew a total blank. Finally I just Googled electronics stores and remembered Radio Shack which made me remember Gamestop and SWS. Neither Radio Shack nor Gamestop had them. The man at SWS sounded regretful to inform me he didn’t carry them either but at least he had the knowledge to tell me it would probably be hard to find Soundblaster devices in stores. He told me they make soundcards and such but that I’d need to get the headphones online.

“Yeah, my headphones broke today so I was hoping to replace them today,” I said, defeated. He went on to tell me he carried Logitech and I thanked him and hung up.

I went back to Amazon and put in the order. I’m saving fifty bucks. Go Amazon! In the meantime I’m tethered to my desk. I kept getting tangled in the chord . Once you go wireless, you just can’t go back! I began to wonder how I could sit on the couch with my headphones when I remembered that my Samsung Gomic has a headphone port in it. Perfect! So I’m using that as an extension for now so I have a little more freedom of movement.

I said to B after that was all over with and we ordered dinner that this was the first day on the Lexapro that I really felt my emotions go out of control. He said the headphones must have just been the last straw. Just yesterday I wrote about taking care of the little things. They can still totally sneak up on you. This morning I had a hard time catching Timmy so I could put him in the room to keep him from escaping while I took Jayden out. I collapsed on the floor sobbing, and the darned cat came right to me. This was after awakening from a nightmare that someone had stolen Jayden. Then the email happened, then the headphones died, all after a tough week. Perfect recipe for a breakdown. It wasn’t awful though and getting some emotion out was actually a relief. Good floor time with Jayden made the headache go away.

At least no electronics or appliances were harmed in the making of this day.


Filed under Amazon, apple Inc, coffeeholic, dream, Jayden, mental health, NaBloPoMo 2012, proud geek, screen reader, Silicone Sally, Timmy, twitter me this

Audio: Hanging with Ro – Episode Six – Rant sing baseball and stuff

This monster is forty-two minutes. Actually I’m writing this as I upload so that number might be wrong. The forty-two might have just been how long it’s gonna take to upload. Holy crap. I have no idea how long it is. There was something I was going to warn you about, towards the end of the recording I freak out over a song but I can’t remember what I was talking about to warn you.

Topics include:

*Rant about the show Stolen Voices Buried Secrets, the main reason for recording audio.

*Baseball, a spur of the moment season preview. There’s a plug to so I thought I’d link it. Do I have that on my blog roll yet? I don’t think so. What the Fuld?

*Evan Longoria, naturally.

*Singing. Oh yes, there’s singing. Sorry.

*Brief mention of politics, but who wants to hear about that.

Twitter suggestions and things that made me laugh.

*Weird dream about a C-130

There’s probably more I’m forgetting. Grab a beverage and sit back, this is silly, as per usual.

Direct youtube link

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Filed under apple Inc, baseball, coffeeholic, dream, evan longoria, hanging with ro, Jayden, matt joyce, music, plugs, random stuff, rant, Sam Fuld, silly girl, spoons, twitter me this, working dog, youtube

Evan is so dreamy

The weirdest thing about my dreams is I can see in them, but I’m blind. Ever since going blind, I’ve used a cane, or Jayden, do get around, but I can always see. This dream was no exception, but it’s the most memorable dream of late. I don’t normally remember dreams. I wasn’t going to blog about this one but I keep thinking about it all day so hear goes.

I was walking with Evan Longoria haha!! It was a beautiful tree lined street and we were just going for a stroll. I was working Jayden, and Evan began asking me, hypothetically he said, if I could hold someone’s hand while I worked Jayden. I explained that yes I could and it was best on streets like this, on sidewalks like this, because Jayden wouldn’t think the person was guiding me hahaha!! I also explained that I might need to let go if I needed to control Jayden or give a command. In the dream my heart was racing, wondering if he was asking me this so he could take my hand, and sure enough he did.

It’s so weird how real it was. I could feel his hand, it was rough and large and as he took it, I squeezed it. I was thinking, I’m holding Evan Longoria’s hand. Hahaha!!!

The dream then cut to us going down an alley and finding a spot to sit that was secluded. We had to scramble up this muddy uprising of dirt to this flat ledge and I had Jayden lay down. We sat and began talking and he started showing me pictures.

I was blind but I could see pictures hahaha! I told him how gorgeous he looked, then there were pictures of him as a kid and I told him I felt gross thinking of him as attractive while looking at pictures of him as a kid.

Then someone from Saavi was there telling me she had time to meet with me. I didn’t want to leave Evan, so I told her I’d be working out on Wednesday, could I meet her then.

Suddenly Evan and I were on a couch cuddling. I told him I just couldn’t believe I was there with him and he told me he thought I was really cool. Hahahaha!!!

As he moved in for a kiss, I woke up.

What the heck? Very strange dream. I pictured him the way I picture him all the time, tan skin, dark hair, a dimple in his chin, a small gap in his teeth. He was so clear to me in the dream. If only I knew if the image of him I have in my head is anything like what he really looks like.

It’s so weird to have a crush on a celebrity, let alone an athlete. It’s been years since anyone famous has affected me like he has. I know it’s because I admire him as an athlete and then you add the woman part of me and what woman wouldn’t be attracted to him? Hahaha! Maybe I’m just biased.

Anyway, just wanted to write that down because I’m silly and I want to remember that dream.


Filed under dream, evan longoria, silly girl

Doggy Countdown – Trainers and beauty and fellowship

Oh man. Too much happened today. LIke, quite literally too much after a week of fatigue lol! Oh man. There is no way I will get it all down today. Maybe I’ll go into more detail tomorrow. But for propserity’s sake, for in 5 years when I want to look back, I’ll do a brief outline.

Dave came at 9:30 for our lesson. I had showered before hand since I was getting my hair trimmed. Showers either invigorate or exaust. It pretty much exausted me and I got too warm. I told Dave I was really fatigued all week. So he said we’d take it light. More fun stuff just to get me outside, much less mental work. So he had a training handle from GDB and we did Juno down to the store and back. It was like I haven’t been working out. Coming back nearly killed me. But I made it. We talked some and I came inside for about 45 minutes before my friend came over for our day of beauty.

Who knew sitting and being pampered could wear you out. I sat with my feet in the spa tub in the pedicure chair for about 20 minutes before they got to me. Got my pedicure, then moved to the table for my maincure, then off to the bed for the brow wax. I don’t usually get manicures but thought it would be nice not to have to worry about my nails at schoo.

We got done there and wen’t to Supercuts for my hair trim. She only had to cut an inch off, so that made me happy and that was quick.

Then we went to Walgreens for toothpaste. Oh yeah, before we started we went to Sauce for lunch for my favorite salad.

So she dropped me off just after 3. Keep in mind I’ve been going since 9:30 with about a thirty minute rest before the beauty stuff.

So I get home and Lish calls because we were gonna try and have face time today. I tell her definitely lets do it but she has to come here because there’s no way I’m taking her stairs. She was gonna be here in about 45 minutes. So I called Carol back.

We talked for about 5 minutes when my home phone rang and I knew it was the trainers.

So I answer just before it stops, just in time, breathlessly saying hello. It’s all my trainers on speaker phone haha! There has been a change in the line up, so bad news guy isn’t my trainer now. Bummer. But everyone was really nice, and one of the women there is one who just joined the email list, so that was cool. So we talked awhile and I’ll post about it tomorrow.

About 5 minutes after I got off the phone with them, Lish came over and we sat and talked until B got home with dinner. She left, we ate, and now I’m typing this and it’s just after 7pm.

So, um, well, not the best way to recover from fatigue, but on the whole, the only thing that seemed tiring was the lesson with Dave, which it was. But the rest was just as exausting, but I’m glad I got it all done and I was really missing Lish.

It’s like as soon as B is home, my body knows its time to wind down, relax, chat with him, and go lay down. So that’s what I’m gonna do. I may or may not edit the post after I listen.

Oh I got screwed up in the countdown and said 12 days yesterday but it was 11 so today is 10 days! The countdown is really on!

Oh yeah, I dreamt last night that I got a black female.


Filed under Doggy Countdown, Doggy Diaries, dream, fellowship, GDB, Juno walk, Orientation and Mobility, pooch preparation, silly girl, spoons

Doggy Countdown – Target and a dream

There’s been this thread on the email list about grooming sprays and stuff and I never even knew there were such things. So I figured I’d look into that after I get home and settled and such. Well, it inspired a dream last night. I knew I was going to Target today to get the stuff for the trip and I dreamt that we were looking at grooming sprays and I couldn’t decide. Then I forgot the spray and was freaking out haha! Just a little quick dream, but I thought it was funny.

So today I went and worked out, which went much better. I haven’t mentioned it here because I didn’t want to worry anyone, but I’ve been getting really dizzy when I work out. I told Lisa about it and she told me to eat peanut butter. Then last week I talked to Glenna bout it and he asked what I eat before working out. I’ve been eating oatmeal, but I wanted to get back to drinking instant breakfast made with soy milk. He said that sounded like a good idea. So I got the stuff this weekend, and had my Silk Vanilla soy milk with chocolate Carnation instant breakfast. Yummm. Energy out the yin yang and I didn’t get dizzy. In fact I worked harder. I increased my reps on everything and am now up to 3 sets of 38 decline sit ups. I was screaming on the last set and people in the cardio room thought Glenn was torturing me lol! So it was a great workout. I came home and had a pb and j sandwich on wheat bread. Definitely better than oatmeal for breakfast and popcorn for lunch haha!! Oh yeah, I had Silk chocolate soy milk with me sandwich yummm.

So L came to pick me up to go to Target and she brought her lunch so I told her all the stuff I wanted to get. Wow. A lot lol. So we went to the new super Target.

My plan was to buy 2 packages of Hanes men’s undershirts, black. Ah, foiled. The only black ones they had were crew neck and I hate those. So we looked at women’s but they didn’t have anything suitable either. So, I was gonna get khaki pants so I would have ckaki pants for a black dog, and black pants for a yellow dog, as was suggested here. While looking for pants, L found these kick ass sweaters. They’re pullover with those little pouch pockets with this funny neck. I think she called it a cowl neck. You can draw it up like a turtle neck, or wear it loose. So I got 2, one gray, one pink. Then we went back and got the mens black tank top to wear under the sweaters. It’s perfect, because I get hot indoors, so I’ll be able to layer this way. I also got a nice sports bra. This will be great for workouts, but also for training so I’m comfy. I’ve got plenty of jeans already. So, I’ve got all my clothes. We also got a pair of sweatpants to throw on to relieve Insert and to lounge around in. Yay! So enough clothes.

Target has a most excellent travel section. Anything you want, in the right size. So I got Herbal Instincts shampoo and conditioner. I got these when I went to WV too and I like them because the bottles are different, so you can tell them apart. I got lotion and sunscreen, toothpaste, q-tips, ibuprofin and hand sanitizer all in those wee small bottles. Sweet!

I wanted to check out the pet section to see if I could get my dog bowls. The whole time we were there, L would just kinda say things she saw to jog my memory. We ended up getting some refills for my wet jet since they were on sale, that 3 in 1 washer sheet stuff, a candle and this scrubbing bubbles stuff she recommended. So that stuff isn’t for the trip, but stuff that’s handy to have.

So we got over to pet supplies and she says “oh, a pop up dog kennel”. What?? Really??? How much??? 24 bucks. Collapsible dog kennel for dogs up to 75 pounds. I wasn’t going to get a kennel because I don’t know my dog, but it’s been weighing on my mind, what if I need one? And for 24 bucks I couldn’t pass it up. We’ve also been talking about those on the email list, so I figured it was a good thing. They had the bowls I wanted, so I got those too. yay!!!

Oh yeah, duh. I forgot. When we were looking at khakis, she said there was a really pretty wrap dress. Originally I was gonna get a wrap dress for grad, after Carol suggested it. So we looked at it and I tried it on over my clothes lol. L said it’s a medium green color, so either black or yellow will show up fine. I didn’t want to have to worry about shaving, but I’d rather not pack 2 kinds of pants that I won’t wear. So, I got the wrap dress. Then I said I needed a cardigan, but she was wearing one and told me just to borrow hers. So I borrowed her black cardigan and I’ve got black flats to wear with the wrap dress. None of it will take up much space, and the dress will fluff in the dryer just fine. Yay!

I think that’s about it. We were so done by the end. Oh yeah, I got zip lock bags. Those are a must for traveling. We went and checked out and the guy had no personality. By that point, we were so loopy we were walking around talking like Cartman. Well, L was, and it was cracking me up. I had to buy feminine products and she was talking like Cartman saying she hadn’t put the regulars in the cart and I said in a Cartman voice, something like, how dare you not put the pads in the cart and she was laughing because a man was walking past as I said that. So when we got to the clerk with no personality, he kinda killed our silliness. But not for long lol.

We went to Starbucks for mochas and my instant coffee for the trip and that helped fire us up a bit. I was like, crap I forgot batteries! So we stopped at Walgreens for those and then we were finally done. Oh yeah, the Starbucks chic asked if I wanted to donate a dollar for Haiti and I said sure and she got way, way excited. Like, over excited. Like, no one had said yes. Ok, if I can afford Starbucks, I think I can afford a dollar for Haiti. By the time we got to Walgreens I had finished the venti iced mocha. It was like, a 5 minute drive. So I said I was half tempted to go back for another since the Starbucks people were so nice, and I thought it would be funny, but we didn’t go back tee hee!

So we got all my stuff inside and hung out and then she left. I put all my travel stuff in zip lock baggies and put those in my zipper travel bag thingy that goes in the suitcase. Yay!

It’s all feeling much more real now that I’ve got all this stuff. Soooooo exciting!!!!! Can’t wait till I start putting stuff in the suitcase!!!!

3 weeks, 21 days, holy cow!


Filed under coffeeholic, cool product, Doggy Countdown, Doggy Diaries, dream, fellowship, gratitude, Insert, pooch preparation, silly girl, workouts

What the huh? This turned ut long

I have no idea what I’m going to write. I’m not even giving this a title yet, so that will be a mystery revealed to me when I’m done writing. I’m in a weird space today. I just commented on a blog yesterday, someone second guessing themselves, and I wrrote the painting story which I love and can normally apply. The gist is if you stand too close to a painting, you can’t see the whole thing until you back away. Normally I can apply that to my life and situations. But not right now. I have to remember that I’m in the moment, and more will be revealed. Its so easy to make sense of it when its someone else’s life.

After the whole pack rat car thing yesterday, I started feeling like maybe I’d been taken. The whole thing just seemed really odd. Yeah, the girl got lost looking for a friend’s and happened to see my car sitting there, looking abandoned. Thing is, I’m not on the beaten path. Even my Sunvan drivers have a hard time finding my place, and I had another passenger once say she never even knew this complex was here. So that got my doubts going. Then, just the way the whole thing went down. I really thought after the pack rats that they wouldn’t want the car. But it became clear that they came here with the intention of leaving with that car, paying for it or not.

Last night B went out and made sure the car was locked and the alarm was set. I’ve never seen him paranoid about his car. He said he just kinda felt like he couldn’t trust those people, like it felt like a con. I hadn’t voiced my feelings about it until he did. I said, but you saw the damage right? He assured me that he didn’t think they conned us out of the car, he saw the damage, we never would have gotten anything for it. But we both just had this shady feeling. Especially after I tried calling the girl just after they left, to make sure the guy was ok, since he backed the car out of the drive and I was worried about the brake lines. She didn’t answer, and never called back, after telling me she’d keep in touch. I had visions of hearing from her about the progress of the car, kinda like a puppy raiser hopes to hear from the dog’s person lol. But I have a feeling I’m never gonna hear from her again.

I’m pretty sure if they were shady, all they wanted was the car. And it worked out well for me because I don’t have to worry about it anymore. And I think they’ll get it running again. I’m glad I took the plate off. I’m wishing though that I had made them sign the title in front of Brian. I had it notorized months ago, so it was an open title. And when I mentioned doing a sold notice, dude was like, oh you don’t have to do that since you donated it. I’m calling DMV tomorrow just to tell them what’s up. I don’t want to be liable for that car. I tried doing a reverse look-up on the phone number, but you’re gotta pay to get details. At least I have the phone number. I can give that to DMV. But, if its pre paid, it will have no info.

I even started thinking, well, the newest finger prints will be dude’s if a crime is commited with the car. I watch to damn many crime shows.

So I’m just feeling a little neurotic about that at the moment. I kept thinking, did I mention the car on the blog? Did some reader who’s never participated here come after my car? I don’t think I ever mentioned it. My paranoia definitely gets the better of me.

On to other just random stuff. Yesterday I think Blogger was high. There were no new posts for hours, and then all of the sudden there were about eight new posts. Carin must be super woman, because she posted two blogs at exactly the same time. This morning there is only one new post, so I’m wondering if the same thing will happen.

My friend L had a Thanksgiving party last night and she posted on FB that collectibles got smashed and she won’t be having another party for awhile. I’m righteously angry for her. I will get the scoop on tuesday.

FB is really aggravating me. Someone did this group invitation so I go look at the group and it says something like, totally pointless, but if you add all your friends, you can then change the color scheme and get extra points in games. A total hack. And I’ve rejected it a million times and the notification won’t go away. Its incredibly annoying. And for some reason, I don’t get a bunch of my friend’s updates. I’m thinking about walking away, but someone told me I can’t.
I love medical shows. After yesterday there was no way in hell I was gonna put on my usual Investigation Discovery, so I checked Discovery health and caught a Mystery Diagnosis I hadn’t seen before. And I diagnosed her! I was so incredibly proud of myself. Whenever I diagnose these people on these shows before the conclusion, I’m so happy. I had the advantage on this one though. Patient presented with numbness and tingling in her foot and extreme fatigue. I of course immediately thought of MS and so did the docs. They put her on IV steroids and called it MS even though the spinal tap was inconclusive, and her MRI showed a lesion on the spinal column but not the brain. My first clue. Could it be Devick’s? But, ascending paralysis followed, so I thought Geeyon Bahret Syndrom which I can’t spell, but that doesn’t usually cause lesions. So I went back to Devick’s. And sure enough, thats what it was. But see I’ve got the advantage there, because they thought I had Devick’s when I went blind, but I tested negative for it, and didn’t have the spinal lesion. The other night I diagnosed a Dr. G too, but again, had close knowledge of the disease in question. I just love it. I’m not a doctor, but I play one on my blog.

I found an amazing blog yesterday. Is it mean that I’m not ready to share her? I just feel like I found a diamond in the rough. First I found her family blog and in it was a link to her personal blog, where she feels more free to write about her feelings and just whatever randomness plagues her. Those kind of posts are my favorite, and she’s a great writer. And I’m just not ready to share her. She’s mine haha! I did share her with Carol, but that’s as far as I’ll go. I’m mean. I’m sorry. But for now I feel like that blog is all mine to read, that only I am reading, that she’s sharing this stuf with just me.

I had a horrible dream last night that we took Spinelli away, because she was in heat and we couldn’t do anything for her. I woke up in a panic until she jumped on the bed. Horrible, horrible dream. Ok, I don’t want to remember dreams if they’re gonna be like that. I know I said the other day I was glad I remembered that dream, but I don’t want to remember any if there’s gonna be ones like that. I love that cat.

Its raining today. Apparently it hailed because a friend on FB said she drove through a hail storm at 2am.

2am haha! Oh I remember those days. She calls me granny because I go lay down at 8. Just wait, it’ll hit her too. She won’t want to be out at 2am in a few years.

I’m considering getting my hair professionally done for B’s Christmas party. Georgie is gonna take me out to find a fancy dress, and I’m really thinking about going to a salon to get my hair done. I used to be able to do really cute up do’s but not anymore. It looks great just long and straight, but I think it would be fun to treat myself and get it done. Not sure though. That’s expensive…

Oh last night I was talking to Carol filling her in on the car thing and she was like, you didn’t shower after all the pack rat stuff? And it made me totally paranoid and I had to shower. I also balled up the sweatshirt I was wearing and stuck it in the hamper. Its my around the house sweatshirt, so I had to dig out another one. those medical shows I talked about? Well there was one where this guy almost died because of exposure to pack rats. Maybe I need to stop watching tv all together. And go back to just reading Harry Potter. I internalize too much.

I even fantasized that Harry Potter is real. That J.K Rowling is a witch and she wrote the stories from truth and we’re just mere muggles so she knew we’d never know it was truth.

I wonder if its cold out. I’m going to Gamma’s today. It’ll be nice to be out in rain. It hardly ever rains here. I missed the rain smell. You have to catch the smell as the rain first starts falling. After its been raining awhile, its not the same.

Its good to just write about whatever again. I think its been a little while since I’ve done this. Kudos to you if you’ve made it this far haha.

These posts are hard to label. Why does blogger put a limit on labels? I mean, this post is gonna have a lot of labels. But blogger will squack. It’ll say ah overload too many characters too many characters! Why? come on, I can write as long a blog as I want, but you’re gonna limit my labels? How does that make sense?

Miss Function is bringing some of us together over on Vomit Comet. Ah hell I don’t feel like linking. I link them all the time, so you can find them if you want. Anyway though, we’ve got this huge comment thread going on the post about Miss Function and its really cool because we’re all just talking randomness to see how many comments we can get to before the thread dies.
Haha I just threw a title on this monster and I had a typo I have to leave in. Instead of typing “out” I typed “ut” and it sounds like a Canadian saying out haha! Carin, do you say out like ut? How does Jaws handle that? It sounds just like oot. Oot and aboot. 😉

I know you have made it this far, because you’re me and I would make it this far in a post like this. Watch you prove me wrong and you didn’t read my oot and aboot.

Ding ding ding goes the email. Something really horrible happened to a woman’s daughter on the email list. Stupid yip yip dog attacked her daughter. I want to strangle that dog. seems like bad stuff everywhere. Or maybe thats what I’m focused on, so thats what I’m gonna see. Which one wins? The one you feed.

Holy cow cats going bonkers again. I swear they sound like freakin horses galloping in the house. Hey maybe thats why there was a horse in my dream the other night. Maybe the cats were going bonkers at 3am and so I thought of horses.

Oh, have I mentioned Pop Secret Homestyle microwave popcorn? Carol told me try it. Try it at your own risk. I ate 2 bags yesterday. See what happens when I stuff myself on Thanksgiving my stomach expands and then I want to keep eating like that. Good thing I’m working out.

timmy is absolutely howling. Hahaha oh i wish you could hear this. Its like he’s saying leave me the hell alone, please! Please? Oh please?? Aahhh please please aaah! Poor Timmy.

Now he’s trying to get into a kitchen cabinet. He’s too big to hide anywhere to get away from Spinelli.

I think I’m wrapping up. Just writing about nothing has kinda gotten me out of the mindframe I was in. That’s always a good thing. I’m really trying to watch the apostrophe when I write that’s. I rarely use an apostrophe when I write its. I can never remember when you’re supposed to use it for its. Is it all the time, hmmm. Its like it is. So its a contraction. So I should use it. And sometimes it has ownership, so I should use it. Is it ever appropriate not to use an apostrophe in its? It’s. Hmmm. JayNoi? I kinda don’t think you’ve lasted this long. You always say something like, wow long post girl. 😉

I said I was wrapping up. did I lie? I need more coffee.

Holy crap I just realized its almost December 1st. That means its almost Alex’s birthday. I got him in early December last year, wow! Maybe I should get him an upgrade. But I’m paranoid about upgrading to Snow. I mean, just look at what happened with Vista. I know, 2 totally different operating systems, but someone told me they’re reading reviews of Snow and people are saying its Apple’s Vista. So I’m scared of it. Its seriously cheap to upgrade a Mac but I’m scared. Maybe I’ll just give him a good grooming.

K I think I’ve beaten this post with a stick. I should really go and edit now. though I wouldn’t be surprised if more ideas strike me while I’m editing.

Well, edited and have no more ideas, so I guess I’m done done done.


Filed under Alex, apple Inc, cats, coffeeholic, desert life, dogs, dream, Gamma, NaBloPoMo 2009, proud geek, quirky words, random stuff, silly girl, Spinelli, Timmy, weather

Doggy Diaries – First dream and some thoughts

Well, I have no real update, but I wanted to put this under the diaries header anyway. I had my first guide dog dream last night, and it was really bizarre haha. I was just happy I finally had one, and first thing this morning I wrote it to my email list. So I decided to describe it here. I’ve gotta start off by saying that in my dreams, I can see, but I’m blind and use my cane, so it makes for very bizarre dreams lol!

So the dream started off in the house I grew up in and I had a horse in the living room. Yep, a horse. A short horse, but a horse. I realized I hadn’t taken it for a walk in awhile and it probably needed to use the bathroom. There were kids outside though, and the horse didn’t like kids, so I was going to take it to the bathroom in the house.

I harnessed it up, and then it was a guide dog. I had to tell it how to get to the bathroom. At this point its no longer the house I grew up in, but I knew where to go, and I could see. So I’m shouting right! left! right! to the guide dog and we get to the bathroom and I say hop up even though that command just doesn’t fit in this situation haha. I go over and knock on the toilet and say “don’t you have to go?” and then the dog is a pomeranian circling around the bathroom, and that was the dream.

Crazy eh? But I’ve been wanting a guide dog dream since I’ve heard others talk about them, and I finally had one and remembered it, so I had to post it.

A few days ago, I thought about doing a diaries post, just to share my thoughts, so I’m glad I had the opportunity. There’s no real update. This week I’m going to follow up again and see about those 2 people who hadn’t gotten their paperwork in. Its really not a rush, since I’ve got more work to do with Dave, but I’d still like to know where I’m at at in the process.

Last week several dogs were matched with their people. I found out on the email list and on the blogs, and its so cool! And then it just makes me day dream about dog day even more. I sit and think about what my fiture dog might be and at first a black lab came to mind, but now it just morphs. Black to tan to black again and then a big yellow one with lots of hair, and then a little black one again.

I see names on the phase report and some of them are so cute! But I kinda doubt my dog is on the reports yet. It might be…but I’m just not expecting to go any time soon. A girl from the list is going in March, and that would be so cool if we went together, but who knows, right? My gut really keeps telling me it’ll be next fall. So I just don’t know.

Sometimes I read stuff and it scares me. Especially the labs eating everything in sight. I keep thinking man, I’m gonna need to figure out what to do with cat food. I’m gonna need to buy trash cans with tight fitting lids. For awhile it seemed like all the dog stories I heard didn’t include this kind of stuff, but there was a thread on the email list about the dogs eating stuff they shouldn’t, and it freaked me out. What if we can’t have cat toys laying around? I hate all those fears and doubts, but they are gonna come no matter what I do.

So, I guess thats where I’m at. Not really anywhere new, but I did have some people ask what was up, so I thought I’d write and say nothing really new lol!


Filed under Doggy Diaries, dream, guide dogs, NaBloPoMo 2009