I have been isolating a lot lately. Not on purpose, its sort of situational. Even before the blindness, I was becoming a little less social, just was happy being at home, relaxing. But I still most definitely need interaction, especially with women. When I first went blind, I had tons of women around all the time, because thats what we do when there is a crisis. I had women coming over to take me to meetings, out to eat, shopping. Eventually that tapered off, just like it always seems to after a major event. But I still had my core girls, and a couple new ones.
My boyfriend had class on Tuesday nights, so my one friend and I started hanging out, going to a meeting and then to the diner. We were joined by a third, and we became CCR. It was a night I could rely on and look forward to. Just like with life though, that changed when one of the C’s moved away. Its only been a few weeks, but I definitely feel the loss. My other girls are too busy with school to really do stuff, and my part is that I haven’t really reached out to other women. I’ve retreated into my computer.
Today after my women’s group, the girl who drove me asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I jumped at the chance, and 2 of the other girls went too. It was a bit intimidating, just going to a new place, with new women, who aren’t keen on my nuances yet, and especially the girl who drove me, it was her first time guiding someone! She did great though, and I was comfortable from the start. She kept refilling my coffee because its one of those places where you order at a counter and then find a table. It was so wonderful to be with women, new women, women who don’t necessarily share the exact common bond I’ve had with my girls for the last few years. But we are connected in other ways, and it was such a blessing.
After I went blind, I felt this disconnect from the sighted world, and the blind world. I wasn’t involved in “blind education” yet, and while my friends all new me, they just didn’t know this. They couldn’t begin to understand what I was going through, how it was next to impossible to accept being blind in the beginning, my feelings of inadequacy, my feeling like a burden, losing my identity, losing my career, losing my freedom. They still “got” me in my other ways, my history that they knew etc, but they didn’t know this. I didn’t have blind friends. I met a woman only on the phone who is blind, but she is much older and her blindess was gradual, so while she got it, she didn’t.
Attending Saavi led me to other blind people and slowly that disconnect started to fade. I had the blind people to understand blind stuff, and my fellowship of women to understand my other stuff. And now today, those 3 women added to the small group that other stands the other other stuff tee hee.
So I am very happy today. I’ll have my boyfriend read me the phone numbers so I can enter them into my phone and then I can keep in touch with these women before our next meeting.
I think I’ll be spending some good time blogging this weekend, because someone suggested I share of my story here.
Oh, happy day. Life is good =)