I checked my stat counter this morning and saw that people are still checking here and I felt bad that nothing new has been posted, but I just don’t have much to say I suppose.
Everything is ok, Jayden is great, it’s just this time of year is hard on me and it’s just especially bad this year. It’s hard with the family so shrunken and nobody really enjoying the holidays. My mom and Gamma and I were always the ones who got into the holidays, decorating and such, and food was always divine. Since there’s no one left in the family to cook, there’s no smell of turkeys baking. It’s just not the same.
I don’t mean to whine, but I just don’t enjoy this time of year anymore. All it seems to do is remind me of loss and it’s just hard to turn up the cheer when no one else feels it. If it weren’t for Jayden, I don’t think I’d bother getting up in the mornings. Jayden truly is the main thing keeping me going right now.
I’m still working out, still writing, still doing the things I enjoy but it’s just become a very lonely life. If it weren’t for my online friends, I wouldn’t hardly have any interaction with anyone. My friend Kevin just stopped by; he’s home for the holidays, so that was really nice to actually talk with someone face to face.
I got a surprise gift from some very dear online friends and that brightened things quite a bit. I got to order myself a treat from Amazon and when I get it, I’ll have something with me all the time to think of them and bring me a smile.
Sorry to write such a glum post, but I wanted to put at least something down here, and speaking the truth is better than saying everything’s roses and butterflies, because that would just be plain dishonest.
I like to think I’m cheerful and giving throughout the year and don’t feel the need to pretend during a month where it’s expected. I hope you all are having a great month; I just can’t bring myself to read about the great and happy times everyone is having with family. Call me Scrooge, but it just makes me envious. 😉
Hope to see you all more regularly after the first of the year when life and schedules get back to normal, when nothing is expected anymore.
Off to clean and be with the one being who truly needs me, my amazing guide dog. Thank God for him. 🙂
Oh duh, the other major constant is my sobriety, and I just realized a couple days ago that I’ve been sober now longer then I drank. Pretty awesome, and I’m grateful for that and God every minute of every day, no matter if it’s December or July!