A Melancholy Joy

I jotted down those words on Christmas Eve because they so perfectly described how I was feeling, and the more I’ve thought about them, I’ve realized how they also sum up 2016 for me. This year has been absolutely life altering, both on a personal level and as an American. I did some travel in the early part of the year to see Josh Groban in concert, attend Rays spring training games, and visit with Florida friends. I returned home to get ready for a hysterectomy in the same month. I keep telling myself I should have feelings about now being barren, but I just don’t, ha! Not long after I recovered, My relationship ended and I fell in love again, and moved to Washington. Whoa, right? I watched Brexit unfolding on Twitter and prayed America would learn from Britain’s decision, and my hopes sank into fear and disbelief as my country elected, deep breath, I cannot write his name.

It’s hard for me to believe the turns my life has taken this year, some wonderful turns. I want to hate 2016 for all the awful, the terrorist attacks, the shootings, the steps backward in civil liberties, but I can’t help but love 2016 for what it has done for my mental health and writing. I completed the first draft of my memoir for National Novel Writing Month and am actively working on draft two. I took a fiction writing class and feel more in touch with my creative side than I remember being in a very long time. I have a file now rich with story ideas and character traits and observations. While working on draft two of the memoir, I’ve noticed how much I’ve learned about telling a story.

I thought that writing my own story would be easier than fiction. I know all the twists and turns, so it should be easy to write, right? Ha! Not only is it just as challenging to shape each sentence, it’s been taxing mentally to spend so much time in my past, especially during the holidays. That’s where the melancholy joy set in, when I received a Christmas card from my uncle and realized that I would not be getting one of his awesome hugs this year for the holidays or my birthday, the hug that he pours all his love and feeling into. I ran my fingers over the textured, glittery card as if it were braille and an ache grew in my chest and dissolved into tears. David and his son were putting up the tree, anticipation and excitement palpable, and my own joy at being here began warring with my sadness. Which one wins? The one you feed. I let the melancholy come, let myself feel it so it could pass, and moved on. I had a wonderful Christmas with my new family. David got me a soprano ukulele for my birthday, which was yesterday. I want so badly to play with it right now, but I promised myself I could have it as a reward if I worked on rewrites and posted a blog. Discipline baby!

So, 2016 comes to a close. I know many of us are ready to see the back of it. So much death this year. I won’t rehash it since we all know, we were all here, and we’ve all had our fair share of hardships along with worldwide hurt. I hope that 2017 will be better, I cling to that hope, though the pragmatist in me says, “hold on, darlin’. It’s only just begun.” I’ll focus on my art. I’ll work on making this book be the best it can be so I can share my silver linings and hope with the world. That’s my goal for 2017, to publish, yes, but most importantly, to continue to be a bright spot, continue to let my light shine. my goal is to make people smile, whether it be David or his family, a stranger on the street, a stranger on Twitter, or a reader of my blog and (hopefully) book. Let’s all strive for that, yeah? Let’s all hold on to our asses and protect those around us and love. All you need is love, right John Lennon?

Happy New Year! We can do it!

Ooooh now I can go play with my ukulele!

Here’s the first song to make its way into my memoir. It appeared during work on the second draft today.

4 Comments

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4 Responses to A Melancholy Joy

  1. I am glad after the sadness went that you could enjoy Christmas. What a busy year for you.

    I can’t even read about the trump card, it really is scary. He doesn’t have a clue. I guess money talks and has got him so far.

    Happy new year to you and i hope 2017 is a good one 🙂
    Torie recently posted..2016 In ReviewMy Profile

  2. Ro

    Yes, a total whirlwind of a year. I’m so happy, but also so scared.

    How is Brexit affecting Ireland, if at all?
    Ro recently posted..A Melancholy JoyMy Profile

  3. Reading your year on fast forward like that really brings out the craziness of it. I think I feel the same way about the year as you do, sort of. There has been a lot of sadness in the world, but personally, it’s been a better year for us than the previous 2, so I’ll take that. Hopfully the ukulele can start 2017 off with a little something awesome as you master it.
    Carin recently posted..Hail Mary, Full Of…Uh, Guys? Is She Supposed To Be Full Of Those Things?My Profile

  4. Ro

    Yes! That is, if the writing doesn’t kill me first. Ha! I don’t allow myself to play with Laylee until I’ve worked on writing, and I’ve now added a new story in addition to rewrites on the memoir haha. I needed fiction. Memoir writing is so emotionally draining. Here’s to a good 2017 for us both!
    Ro recently posted..A Melancholy JoyMy Profile

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